A Melody Brings Back a Memory
by WestCoastTrees
Summary: Clare and Eli have had separate lives in the new school year. But Degrassi isn't that big, and when Clare is given a task that she is not sure she can complete on time, who will lend her a helping hand? Will his assistance remind her of who Eli really is?
1. Long Time Gone

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

**Hi friends – little story here, a vision on the rest of the school year for Eli and Clare. A few people asked me to write something, they said they missed my stories so I obliged. **

**I don't know everything about kids like Eli or the field trips the kids go on in this chapter, but I have worked in those fields, so I'm just gonna try my best to represent it as best as I can. **

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Eli! Earth to Eli!" the loud voice sharply said, causing Eli to jump a little in his seat and lift his head from its previous leaning-against-the-side-board position.

"Woah, sorry," Eli replied, startled, as the entire class turned around to look in his direction. Eli normally wouldn't care for such attention, had it not been for the fact that a certain pair of blue eyes that had not glanced in his direction in months were now fixed right on him.

_Don't look. Don't look at her. Don't do it. You might scare her. Even if she's not scared, she won't like it. So don't do it. _

"Well? We are all waiting, Eli – the entire class is waiting, let's go. " the young African American teacher asked Eli, holding her hands out in frustration.

"I'm sorry, I…I didn't hear the question," Eli admitted, embarrassed, as he looked at the teacher. He didn't register the way Clare's eyes looked down at the ground and then at him with a mixture between disappointment and hesitancy.

Clare was looking at the boy sitting three rows away - the maximum number that the classroom would permit – in the very last seat of the row and feeling…surprised. Eli, practically the light in Mrs. Dawes' eyes just last semester, was now…slipping in English class, out of all things, or so Clare thought. And looking at him for the first time in months, she almost had to do a double take.

That was _Eli _she was looking at?

His black hair was different – neatly trimmed, perfect bangs swept to the side. His blue polo, unaccompanied by a jacket or a sweater, looked different on him. When she glanced down at his hands, she almost released an audible gasp. There was not a trace of Sharpie on them, and those adorable pen marks that Clare had loved so much because they showed what Eli was – a writer – were gone. The only thing she seemed to recognize was his guitar necklace.

The sight created a sharp pang in her heart that caught her by complete surprise.

She never talked to Eli anymore.

Not after the play, not after…Jake.

But looking at him in class in this moment, it was as if…the space between them was not only composed of three classroom tows, but stretched as far as the Grand Canyon. She felt her hands shaking and a wetness fill her eyes, reactions on the part of her body that completely took her mind by surprise.

But she simply couldn't help it….and in that moment, she completely hated her new English teacher with a fury so potent that it scared the Christian inside the young girl. But she simply couldn't help it. Why couldn't she leave him alone? It was so horrible, so awful, how she kept harping on him – and all Eli did was look at her, then down at his desk as he stumbled to answer her.

It was obvious he did not know the answer, and Clare didn't blame him – she didn't know the answer either.

But the way the teacher was harping on him made Clare long for Mrs. Dawes. She felt saddened that she had developed a hate for Mrs. Dawes too, during the play, thinking that she would do anything for her precious Eli, and before she knew it, Mrs. Dawes was just gone one day. She had never returned for the new school year, and in this moment, all Clare wanted was for Mrs. Dawes to be up there teaching the class instead – Mrs. Dawes would never be putting Eli through this hell.

_He looks tired. He looks exhausted. Just leave him alone!_

"Well, Eli, what's it gonna be?" she was pushing, and Eli was awkwardly looking to the side, far away from Clare.

Eli, for one, was a little mortified that he didn't know the answer to an English question. But…this teacher – she was an English _language_ teacher, not an English _literature _teacher like Mrs. Dawes and Eli had never been taught English language past primary school. He found it boring, and not at all creative. So at the start of the year when he had been dealt the double blow of finding Mrs. Dawes gone – just like that, she was gone – and upon glancing at the course outline, seeing that it included no works of literature, he had tried to stay positive, but the truth of the matter is that Eli really strongly figured that a grade 12 advanced English class should be dealing with works of literature and writers, not…grammar. The truth was that Eli now hated his favourite class, felt no intellectual stimulation from the new teacher, who he suspected hated him anyway.

"I don't know," Eli said softly as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat and did everything humanly possible in order to avoid Clare's pressing glare.

"Eli, come on, it's a simple question. Is "In my honest opinion" a conjunct or a disjunct?" the teacher asked him, her frustration obvious.

"I just don't know," Eli repeated softly.

"We've been on this lesson all week," she responded, her irritation potent in her voice. "Are you with us back there or are you in another world?" she then added, and Clare caught the flash of hurt in his look upon hearing that.

_Uh oh. Telling Eli he's not living in the same world as all of us might not be the best thing here_, a worried Fiona Coyne thought as she shot Eli the warmest look she could muster. Fiona, for one, was also immensely disappointed in the class. Mrs. Dawes had been the one to convince her to join the Advanced English class after "Love Roulette", convincing Fiona that yes, the fact that she made an amazing director was evidence enough for her joining the Advanced English class. But Fiona figured this wasn't what she signed up for all, from the very first day of the class. She wanted to read love stories and talk them out, not slice sentences word by word and figure out their function.

She hoped Eli could keep it together after being that imprudent card by the teacher that Fiona didn't have a lot of admiration for. Fiona had planned many fashion makeovers for the teacher often as she talked; she had to keep her interest in the classroom at least, she figured, if not on the lesson itself.

"I am _not_ in another world," Eli said, pursing his lips together, and Fiona caught Clare's deep breath and rolled her eyes, making sure Clare couldn't see her. Fiona knew Eli probably wouldn't give everyone a show, but there was something about Clare that rubbed Fiona the wrong way, and were Fiona to give it more thought, she would have discovered that it was little gestures as the one she had just witnessed on Clare's part towards Eli that always made Fiona irritated with her.

Fiona then gave Eli a small smile as he continued, "But I think "In my honest opinion" could be either a conjunct or disjunct in that sentence. I could argue for either case, so I don't know, all right?" Eli said, obviously frustrated.

"How could it be a conjunct?" the teacher asked, staring at the sentence a little more closely.

"It's a weird sentence, it's ambiguous," Eli said, arguing his case. "If it means in the author's opinion, then it's a disjunct, yes I get that, but if it refers to what the author is having the character say, then it could be modifying that, so it could be a conjunct. I don't have the rest of the story – just that one sentence – so I can't tell. I need more context, but I don't have it," Eli said, a little angry that this is what he had been reduced to – desperately wanting the next sentence or two of a text.

_Mrs. Dawes had us reading real books and doing real work, _he thought to himself. _Not this. This is a joke. _

"Oh," the teacher said, moving the overhead thoughtfully. "I guess…you're right, Eli. I never thought about it that way, but it's a ambiguous out of context. Very good, Eli," she said, breaking out into a smile at Eli for the very first time.

All Clare saw him do in response was exhale a little, and she felt herself get a little lost in the sight of his chest falling – the guitar pick moved along with it, and Clare had to make a conscious effort to move her eyes away from that sight.

_He doesn't look happy that he basically told the teacher what's up,_ Clare thought with a sadness in her eyes. _He looks…tired. Why does he look so tired? _

Just when Eli relaxed into his seat and leaned his head against the side bulletin board like he always did, Clare felt him startle again as the teacher gave him a sharp,

"Eli, sit up straight – you get little grease spots on my bulletin board if you do that," she reproached him and Eli obeyed, a little redness invading his cheeks.

_My hair is not greasy! _Eli thought with hurt feelings as the lesson moved on, and Eli allowed the subconscious thought he'd had since the start of the school year finally seep into his conscious. He looked around the classroom, grammar points after grammar points on the board, and all the old novels that Mrs. Dawes previously had had on the bookcase in the corner now gone and the bookcase being just empty, tried to focus on more discussion between disjuncts and conjuncts and told himself 'come on, this is English, your favourite class', but the whole positive thinking angle wasn't working – Eli realized there was a reason his therapist had dropped that technique within a few sessions of working with him. It wasn't really his style. He tried and tried, but he soon slipped into a day dream that was tortured by the potent feeling that he whispered to himself with a sigh. Mrs. Dawes was gone, and with her literature had also gone. Mrs. Dawes had had a M.A. in English Literature, and the new teacher had an undergraduate Arts degree with a major in English Language - they really were from different universes, Eli thought. There was nothing warm and kind about the new teacher…she was…all prickly, Eli thought as he moved around a little in his desk. He tried to push the thought to the back of his mind, but as he caught a glimpse of how pretty Clare looked today – she had such a pretty headband in her hair – he was a goner. He couldn't push the thought to the back of his mind.

Sitting there in his new English class, all he could think of was that…

_It's not the same. It's just not the same. _

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"That's why this happened to Eli?" a teary-eyed Cece asked in horror as she clung to her husband's hand tightly in a sunny therapist's office. .

"I'm afraid so," Eli's therapist said with a sad smile. "I'm afraid that is the root of his bipolar," Dr. Karla told his parents sadly.

"I…always figured so," Bullfrog said in a hoarse voice.

"Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy, I need you to look at me and understand something. Eli is remarkable. He is an outstanding child, and that is to your credit and his own – no one else's. I have never, in my twenty years of practice, seen a teenager so determined to get better. Eli has been working really hard, and he does everything I tell him. Do you know how amazing that is for me as a doctor? He is the perfect patient, all he wants is to lead a normal life, to not be thought of as bipolar. That is not so common in a teenager, full co-operation of the type Eli gives me. Do you know that if it's a Thursday, I always look forward to seeing him? I step out for a coffee before our appointments because he's a joy to work with, I just sit here and listen to him and I watch his logic process unfold. He's funny too – he's got that intelligent sarcasm that the smartest people in a generation have. Such a writer, too. You have an exceptional child, and you need to be proud of him. No matter what, Eli needs to know that he can always count on you two. Only you two will never let him down. And you have not," the doctor emphasized.

"But we… But I…" Cece said tearfully as she felt Bullfrog give her a warm look and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and held her in tightly.

"No, Mrs. Goldsworthy, what's done is done. Eli's on the mend now. There's no place for him to go but up from here. And he's doing it. I don't think I'll need weekly appointments for a long time either. My estimates are for until graduation or so," Dr. Karla said with a warm smile as she pushed back a strand of grey hair.

"He does seem to be a lot better," Cece said thoughtfully.

"Yes, but make sure you don't put pressure on him and declare him perfect all at once. He will be struggling his entire life, and I think he understands that. Besides, that boy of yours is pretty much as close to perfect as it gets – for a teenager," the doctor said with a giggle. "Just look out for him. You have a great thing going, you know. Eli loves you two – and he would do anything for you. So keep the channels of communication open with him, be aware of what is happening in his life. Don't use strict rules all of a sudden; he's gone 16 years without rules, he will lash out if you try to impose them, as we saw. Use humour instead, and make him believe that whatever course of action is best, he comes up with himself. That's the trick with Eli if you want to steer him a particular way. Make him believe it's his idea," Dr. Karla advised a smirking Bullfrog who was only thinking back to his own teenager days and reasoning that…well, was he all that different from Eli back in those days?

As he snuck a glance at his also smirking wife, and in a flash he was reliving a particular glory day when a flash of blonde hair had caught his attention at a rock show, Bullfrog reasoned that…maybe not all _that_ different.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So hot," Jake confirmed with a nod at Drew, who responded with an all-knowing smirk.

"A 10, right?" Drew insisted as he didn't see Clare catch up to Jake and stand by him in the hallway.

"Dude, she's more than a 10. She's smoking, Helena Christensen ain't got nothing on –" Jake was saying eagerly as Drew was laughing.

"On who?" Clare asked potently, sounding just a little bit irritated that once again, she had caught up to Jake and Drew afterschool and they were talking about….girls, of course.

"Um, no one," Jake replied as he cleared his throat awkwardly and Drew bolted at once, as he was never sure when Clare would be good for an explosion or two, and he simply didn't feel like dealing with another one of those. She wasn't even his friend, but somehow, Drew reasoned that he always got caught up in her drama and he hated it, so he quickly fled the scene successfully.

"I need to stop at London Drugs on the way home," Clare told Jake as she studied her agenda.

"Sure thing, sis. Your wish is my command," Jake said as he rolled his eyes.

"Oh, cut the sarcasm! Mom and Glen said you have to drive me if I need to go someplace!" Clare said, getting irritated at Jake,

"Jeez Clare I said I would, relax," Jake replied with a giggle. "I was only playing with you a little bit," he revealed.

"You loser," Clare teased.

"You're a loser. Come on, let's go. Why do you need to go to London Drugs anyway?" Jake asked as he led the way outside.

"It's Career Day soon and I need some new make-up, I have to look nice regardless of what workplace I go to," Clare specified. Jake just groaned in frustration at her reply.

"Lucky me, I get to wait for you outside the make-up counter," Jake said sarcastically.

Forty minutes later, a giddy Clare and a bored-out-of-his-mind Jake were sitting at their dining room table, Jake trying to keep his history notes out of the way of the fury of Clare's make-up, which she had spread out on the same table in girly excitement.

Helen soon walked in, and gave the teens a warm smile when she saw them getting along so well. She liked seeing Jake so patient with Clare, but more than anything, she was just happy her daughter was home where she belonged, and she was desperately happy that she had not been rejected in favour of Randall, one of her biggest fears after the divorce that came true for a horrifying two days.

"Oh, what's all of this pretty make-up for, sweetheart?" Helen asked as she began unloading some steaks out of the freezer for dinner.

"It's Career Day next week," Clare said with giddy excitement. "I just thought it was a good time to do shopping, that's all," she defended herself.

"Of course, Clare," Helen said as she reached into her wallet and pulled out two fresh $20 bills, and handed one to each of the teens in front of her.

"Mom, you don't have to," Clare said shyly.

"Helen, no, I'm not going to take that – I didn't spend any of my money on make-up today, you see," Jake said, earning a laugh from both Helen and Clare.

"Nonsense you two, you're two teenagers, I'm sure you can find something fun to do with twenty dollars – or just keep it. I just want my kids to have some money for fun," Helen said warmly, and when presented with the facts in that manner, Clare an d Jake accepted the money with an additional "thank you".

"So, Clare," Helen continued as she began making a salad to go with dinner, "where are you going to go for Career Day? And you, Jake?" she asked curiously.

"I'm gonna spend the day with dad, actually, head out to the Oceanview properties he's working on. Got him all cleared as a Career Day sponsor, just me and him," Jake said with obvious excitement at the prospect.

"How lovely," Helen said with an approving smile. "Clare?" she then asked gently.

"Ugh, I don't even know!" Clare asked, obviously frustrated. "The sign-up procedure is so complicated, and the grade twelves get to sign up first. The posting I want to end up at is Pendant Publishing, obviously, you get to hang out with a real editor and meet some writers, but –" Clare began, then ending her sentence abruptly for a second before continuing, "but I…I don't think I'm gonna get it, there's only one space," she said quietly.

"Oh, sweetheart, come on, who could possibly be better for that than you? Even if the grade 12s sign up first, I don't think they're all jumping at the chance to go to a publishing house," Helen said with a frown.

Jake tried to think as hard as he could in regards to what Clare was on about, but he was in the same boat as Helen – and additionally, going to a publishing house for the day sounded to him more like a punishment than a privilege – who would want to actually subject themselves to that of their own free will?

"Oh," Jake then heard Helen gasp as realization dawned onto her. "Does Eli still go to Degrassi?" Helen asked potently, making Clare's heart almost jump out of her chest.

"What? Of course he does," Clare countered.

Helen simply nodded. Clare felt just a little bit ashamed – she knew she hadn't talked about Eli in a long time but, really?

"You thought he left?" she couldn't help but ask.

"Well sweetheart, you never talk about him anymore, and you were such good friends, I thought maybe after a while you'd get to talking again, that's it. But never mind that. You think he'll take your spot?" Helen then asked, pretending not to notice that her daughter's face had turned the colour of a crab – bright red.

"I have no doubt the English department will send their precious Eli, he, um….he's written a few more pieces than me," Clare said in a moment of anger that took Helen a little aback.

"Oh, sweetheart, he's just a year older, he's had more time to write. Go get your writing portfolio for me," Helen instructed and Clare obeyed.

Once she returned, Helen took the folder from Clare's outstretched hands and sat down at the dining room table and began leafing through it.

"Oh, Clare, don't you see how much you've got in here?" she began, but very quickly a thoughtful look crossed her face. Helen was flipping the pages of…the story that had gotten her daughter published, yes, very nice, then there was an article on a play that Helen noticed was "directed by Fiona Coyne, written by Eli Goldsworthy," and some type of article on 10 ways of getting over a break-up that Helen judged inappropriate for a serious writing portfolio.

"Well, sweetheart, it's a remarkable story – don't be worried that it's the only big thing in your writing portfolio. You wrote half of it, and you would have written the entire thing probably, you just wanted to be kind and share your work with Eli, I'm sure," Helen gently said, but as she read the story she noticed that…the lexicon, the tone, the style…it didn't exactly scream Clare's writing.

"Right?" Helen gently asked.

"Um…right, of course," Clare awkwardly replied.

"Well, what is your back-up? In case it's Eli that gets the publishing house assignment after all," Helen gently said.

"There's a post for the Law Courts? You get to shadow a defense lawyer who is going to Court that day," Clare said, hesitation in her voice.

"What area of law?" Helen asked right away, not wanting Clare to have to witness graphic descriptions of rape or anything that Helen judged inappropriate.

"I think the defense lawyer was going to argue some emotional abuse cases – she helps women who have been abused, I think," Clare said, pretty sure she was remembering the Career Day description well.

"Oh, that should be interesting, good second choice honey. Would you like to be a lawyer, Clare? You a lot about it from your father," Helen said, and it made Clare really happy to see her mom mentioning her dad so non-chalantly.

"I'm not sure I'm cut out for that sort of thing," Clare replied. "Or that I find it interesting," she added.

"Oh, nonsense, sweetheart. You know that you can be anything you want to be. You would make an excellent lawyer. If you do choose the courts, you should call your father and get some advice," Helen said with a warm smile. When she was met with an unexpected hug from Clare, she had to hold back a few tears. Clare never hugged her anymore, and this gesture on her daughter's part made Helen so happy.

"I'll make some brownies for desert okay," Helen said, never being one for expressing her emotions outright. So she did the only thing she knew how to; she cooked, and tried to include everyone's favourites so that her family could be…a family, all of them happy together.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'm sorry, dad," an almost-five-year-old-looking Eli told Bullfrog as he looked him straight in the eye.

Bullfrog sighed deeply as he sat down next to Eli on his bed and said, "Eli…I thought you were better. Why is it that when everyone tells me you're better, something else comes up again? When do the surprises end, kiddo?" he asked, and those words wounded Eli deeply.

"I know that my word doesn't mean much to you, dad, and I don't blame you. But…all I can do is tell you that it really was an accident. I swear. I didn't want to see the picture anymore, so I turned around to leave the art room. The loop that goes around your neck on a camera got caught on my jacket arm and it fell. I swear. I know I'm…I know I'm…I'm…I hurt people, but I never would take her camera and smash it to bits, episode or no episode. I like…I like…to believe that I could control myself better than that, you know. I'm really sorry, dad, I hate having to ask you for money, but…yesterday at school," Eli began.

"What happened then?" Bullfrog asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"I was sitting in this little memorial garden thing we have, and…I saw Imogen drawing a picture for a model for her class. She looked really sad, dad, and I know she likes to take pictures for models, but seeing how now she can't, she's reduced to drawing. I've been saving up my allowance and trying to do extra chores, but I'm only at $80. It'll take me way too long to get to the $500 I need, and she can't wait that long. It's not fair to make her. I promise, I'll do whatever it takes to pay you back – "Eli began, but Bullfrog cut him off gently.

"Get your coat, we gotta buy the girl a new camera. It's already been so long, if this happened when you two were dating. I hope you know the model," Bullfrog said.

"What? Really, just like that?" Eli asked, astonished.

"Eli…I believe you," Bullfrog said in a low voice.

"You do?" Eli asked, as he looked at his son, Bullfrog noticed that he looked all of five years old again to him.

"Yes. I do. Should I?" Bullfrog asked.

"I swear dad, it was an accident," Eli repeated.

"Which you will work to earn every penny to pay off – but for me. There's a lot of records that need to be organized at the radio station, the mess in the music room might actually put you a little over five hundred bucks if you work hard enough. No one knows the ropes of the place like you do who is willing to work for minimum wage. Job's all yours, kiddo," Bullfrog said as he gave Eli a little shove.

"I'll do it," Eli said with clear determination.

"All right then, that's settled. Now let's go get little pigtail girl a new camera Eli, I taught you better than to make her wait this long," Bullfrog said in a slight reproachful tone.

"Dad?" Eli asked softly just as Bullfrog stood up off the bed. "Thank you," he added as he looked his dad right in the eye.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Good luck getting the spot you want for the career thing," Jake told Clare as he was waving her goodbye, each of them heading to different classes.

"Thanks," Clare replied absent-mindedly, taken aback by the sight of a smiling Bullfrog talking to a smiley Imogen in the hallway as Eli stood next to them.

_WHAT? WHAT IS SHE DOING TALKING TO BULLFROG? WHY IS HE SMILING AT HER LIKE THAT? OH, IS THAT LUAGHING! THEY'RE LAUGHING! UNBELIEVABLE!_

Clare shook those thoughts out of her mind as she made sure Jake was out of sight as she approached Bullfrog, Eli and Clare, hiding behind a locker. She had to know. She just had to know. Was Eli dating Imogen? He wouldn't, right? Surely he wouldn't….move on.., date someone else. No, not Eli. Not after that play. He'd never be over her…not anytime soon, right?

She was just in earshot at this point, so she decided to not get any closer.

"So I told him 'no dad, Eli's just not used to dogs slobbering all over him," Imogen was giggling as Bullfrog was laughing as hard as Clare had ever heard him laugh while Eli was rolling his eyes.

Once he had regained his composure, Clare saw Bullfrog wipe a tear from his eye that had appeared as the product of too much laughter and hand a black 'Sony' bag to Eli. She saw Imogen get a surprised look on her face as Eli shyly said,

"So, my dad helped me get you this. Please, it's yours," Eli said, and Clare saw the determination in his face.

"No, Goldsworthys, please don't," Imogen then shyly said, and Clare was dying to know what was with all the mystery. Imogen was getting a present?

"Imo," Bullfrog said, and Clare felt like exploding right then and there. Eli's dad had a nickname for Imogen? Just what was going on here?

"Imo," Bullfrog began again, "don't offend me by not taking it. Accidents happen, but talented girls shouldn't suffer because of them. And their art shouldn't suffer either. You will take the camera. You will take pictures with it, because you are girl headed for great things. Already a finalist in that competition, and it won't be a mistake Eli made that will get in the way. You will take the camera," Bullfrog said, more categorically than Clare had ever heard him speak before.

"Okay," Imogen gently said, and Clare saw some residue of hesitation left, and she knew that Eli did too, because he then said something that would haunt Clare over the next few days like a dark cloud. After Bullfrog declared that it was time for him to be off to the radio station, Clare saw Eli give Imogen a hug, out of all things, and she hated seeing their intertwined bodies and the way Imogen breathed a deep exhale as Eli was hugging her. She seemed so…protected, Clare would term it - and Clare absolutely hated that.

"Imogen…please," Clare heard Eli say as the short, friendly hug came to an end and he just stood in front of her. Clare knew that look. It was the standing-right-in-front-of-you-with-my-heart-in-my-hands look of Eli's that Clare wasn't so sure she had recognized when they were dating.

"Please…take the camera," he repeated.

"Eli…you don't need to do this," she repeated.

"No, I do. I do!" Eli said powerfully. "Imogen, I need to. Because you gave me a chance to be your boyfriend when it was the absolute last thing I deserved. I know we only dated for two days, but you and I still had a relationship. You had a relationship with me, Imo, and I don't want a broken camera to be the only thing you have to show for it," Eli said, and Clare felt her heart almost stop.

This was Eli. This was her Eli. He had dated Imogen? For two days? She had no idea about that, but…everything about what he was doing, how he was acting.

_This is Eli. MY Eli!_

"Oh, Eli," Imogen sighed emotionally. "That's not the only thing I have to show for it!" Imogen said passionately. "I have a best friend who I can always count on to show for it!" Imogen said with a bright smile.

_What? They dated, broke up, and STAYED FRIENDS? She's his BEST friend? Why is he smiling back at her? What? Eli dated a girl after me and….had the world's best break-up? What? _

"You mean that?" Eli asked, vulnerability sketched all over his face.

"Of course I do silly," Imogen said with a playful toss of her pigtails.

"Well, now you've got a camera too – that frostival thing you and Fi are killing yourselves planning deserves to be documented, I believe," Eli said mischievously.

"Indeed!" Imogen declared at once.

"Thank you, Eli. I know I can always count on you. You're such a good friend, and you're like…my…my protector!" Imogen said with a giggle as Clare's eyes widened from her post.

She didn't miss the look of relief in Eli's eyes or the one of determination as he said, "I can do that. I can be that".

Clare then watched their figures recede down the hallway as she noticed that Eli walked Imogen to her class first, then went to his.

In that moment, she could only put together two coherent thoughts.

Did Eli have a relationship with _her_ and end up with nothing to show for it but a devastated car?

And…she missed being walked to class.

She missed being walked to class… a lot.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clare tried to focus on x and y-intercepts in her next period, she really did – despite all of the reminders of the times that she had been walked to class, taken on thoughtful dates, given sweet and considerate presents, being given an author's credit she didn't really -

"Yes, Mr. Goldsworthy?" she then heard Coach Armstrong say, making her startle as she took in the knock on the door and flat-out stared at Eli full on, her blue eyes directed his way making him slightly smirk due to the knowledge gap between the two and the list in his hand.

"Sorry to interrupt your class Coach Armstrong," Eli said, the little smirk caught in the corners of his lips making Clare think he really wasn't all that sorry at all, "But the grade 12s finished Career Day sign up and Mr. Purino asked me to bring the list to your class next," Eli said.

"Thanks, Eli," Coach Armstrong said as he finished writing a new equation on the board. "Okay class, you know the drill. Eli, just send the list around, I don't want to set up a whole lottery thing and waste my class time – when the list gets to you, just sign up," Coach Armstrong said non-chalantly.

_What? No! Not like that, what if I get it last? You've got to be kidding me!_ Clare thought with a little exhale that ended up sounding more like a scoff.

"Sure thing Coach," Eli said with another little smirk, and he took a few steps to the middle of the room and planted the list _right_ on top of Clare's desk, making her physically squirm in delight, excitement, and complete and utter nervousness that in a few seconds when she would look up, she'd be met with those piercing green eyes of Eli's…it was all too much than she could take in this moment, so she moved her eyes really slowly.

By the time she finally looked up, she only caught a glimpse of a black leather jacket walking away from her.

Clare was surprised to feel a potent disappointment take over her entire body.

She didn't want to….talk to Eli, did she? She absolutely hated how he was taking over her entire day! She told herself to get it together and just sign up for the Law Courts, because she didn't want to miss that spot too – obviously the publishing house spot would be gone, because clearly Eli had gotten the list already.

"Law it is," Clare with a roll of her eyes, placing her pen on the paper only to see that

'Pendant Publishing – 1 position: ' was blank.

No one had taken it!

_What…but….Eli…Eli…Eli didn't take this spot? Why not? _Clare asked herself. Just then she glanced to the door and she saw Eli turn around ever so slightly, and give her just the tiniest of smirks.

She didn't know what made her break her don't-talk-to-Eli policy, but she followed an impulse and mouthed a shaky 'thank you' to Eli, who just gave her a soft smile and walked out of the classroom.

After his departure, Clare found the rest of the class to be…empty. Unsatisfactory. Lonely. Disappointing.

She tried not to think of the nice thing Eli had done for her.

She tried not to think of how she had broken his heart, and how all he seemed to do – still – was whatever he could think of to make her happy.

She succeeded.

She pushed Eli to the back of her mind – where he belonged. Right?

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You've got to be kidding me!" a very unsatisfied Clare Edwards replied to Principal Simpson, who had just informed her that Pendant Publishing had retracted their offer of sponsoring a student for the day; apparently something had come up with a press conference and they were unable to dedicate a staff member to showing a student around.

"Clare, I assure you this is not my fault. Nor is it the end of the world," Simpson strictly replied. "Do not take that tone with me," he then added, a little surprised at Clare's outburst.

"But I really wanted to see how things work at the publishing house!" Clare said in a whine.

"Clare, it's not like this is your _actual_ career, it's just for a day. Now, your second choice was job shadowing Counsellor Findley who made it a special point to ensure that our students would get an exciting court day. I've already called and made arrangements with her, you will go there tomorrow," Simpson told Clare, eager to get her out of his office as he had to prepare for the Board of Directors meeting and the wrath of Audra Torres that accompanied each one of those encounters.

"Okay," Clare then said after a deep breath, seeing that complaining was not really getting her anywhere. "Thank you Principal Simpson," she then added sweetly, confusing Simpson a little with her sudden mood changes.

"Be at the offices of Findley and Goldman at 9:00 am sharp with your Degrassi ID and dress for court, Clare," Simpson said before sending her on her way.

Clare was quickly walking down the hallway back to French class when she suddenly turned the corner and was face to face with Eli. She immediately felt her breath leave her lungs, and her pink lips parted to draw in a sharp breath, all movements Eli's eyes noticed.

"Sorry," he immediately apologized and moved out of her way. "I didn't mean to scare you, sorry, I'm sorry," Eli repeated urgently as he backed away from her.

"You didn't scare me," Clare softly said, not realizing that those words only caused more pain in Eli's heart.

_But I did scare you_, was going over and over again through Eli's mind.

"Where are you going?" she then asked Eli sweetly, but just at the end of her sentence she glanced down and noticed the little orange pill bottle he was holding.

As soon as her gaze fell on it, she saw Eli quickly retreat it to his leather jacket pocket.

"Just…just for a drink of water," Eli said, obviously embarrassed all of a sudden.

"Thank you," Clare then burst out.

"For what?" Eli asked with a raised eyebrow, honestly not knowing what she was referring to.

"For giving me the Pendant Publishing spot," Clare said with a sweetness in her tone.

"Um, no need to thank me. Just have fun," Eli replied, taking in her soft mannerisms and loving the way her pretty curls fell over her blue eyes in moments where she tried to hide her blushing, as she was doing right now.

"I…would have," Clare said wistfully.

"But you won't?" Eli asked with a raised eyebrow.

"They can't take a student anymore, they're doing a press conference," Clare informed Eli.

"What? You serious?" Eli asked in surprise.

"Yes," she confirmed, "but it's okay!" she then added.

"Aw come on, it sucks," Eli then confidently asserted with a head bang that made Clare instantly giggle.

"It does suck!" she said with a laugh that made Eli's soar. He loved the sound of her laugh, because her laugh meant that she was happy. All he wanted to do was make this girl happy, even if he no longer had any right, even if she was no longer his.

"But I'm going to the law courts instead," Clare then supplied, not wanting to let the conversation end because that would mean…that would mean Eli would be leaving soon! She didn't want him to leave!

"Cool. With your dad? Is it a day at the courts for him, not at the firm?" Eli asked, curiosity in his question.

Hearing Eli ask about her dad made Clare feel something that she could not suppress. She wondered if Jake even remembered what her dad did. And here was Eli, immediately asking her about something she wanted so badly to talk about and remembering every detail – he even knew that her dad's schedule was unpredictable, sometimes requiring court time and most of the time firm time. She wanted to leap across the space that was in between her and Eli and hug him – hug him right there, just for asking that question.

_Of course you'd remember_, Clare thought as she let out a shaky breath.

"It's actually not with my dad, it's some old friend of Simpson's who does this as a favour. A lady lawyer, I think," Clare said, stumbling through the entire sentence as Eli watched her blush cascade down her cheeks.

He didn't want to ask the next question. He didn't want the images that were circling through his brain to be there. He didn't want to feel the potent fear that he felt coursing through his veins once the thought entered his mind. But once it was there, Eli knew that he needed it answered. He couldn't control it any longer. He burst out,

"But it's safe right? You're not going to be like, in people's jail cells? It's safe, Clare? You won't be by yourself?" Eli asked, and just as he feared, he saw Clare's face fall right away and her lips pursed in fury.

"Jesus, Eli! Of course it's safe!" she replied.

"Sorry," Eli said quietly, because he felt like he had done something wrong.

"You need to stop obsessing over this, Eli, you're not even my boyfriend anymore," Clare said, in reference to her safety, but the minute those words escaped her lips and Eli heard them, she regretted them.

She saw how excruciatingly they hurt his feelings.

"Obsessing - right," she heard him say quietly before he walked away quickly.

And just like that, he was gone.

Clare really wished she hadn't used that word.

She consciously blocked out the thought that Eli had, after all, asked the same question her mom has asked her when she had heard about the Law Courts plan.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Wanna have lunch with me and Fiona at the Dot? You and Adam maybe?" Imogen cheerfully asked Eli as she entered the weight room.

"Think I'm just gonna go for a fun, but thanks. Rain check, okay? Adam's busy with Dave working on a script for the radio show," Eli said as he slipped on his work shirt.

"Oh-la-la Goldsworthy, getting naked for me again? You really need to conquer this urge of yours to take off your clothes whenever you see me," Imogen teased him with a poke and a giggle.

"You wish," Eli countered as he narrowed his eyes at Imogen for a second before jumping on the treadmill.

"Come on, come for lunch, enough working out," Imogen tried again.

"I need to run something off," Eli casually said.

"Something happen?" Imogen asked slowly.

"Nope. Nothing. Just feel like running," Eli said with a shrug of his shoulders, putting on his most deceiving smirk for Imogen.

He felt guilty that Imogen had had to deal with so many of his issues, always having to be there for him, and dumping something related to Clare onto Imogen was the last thing that Eli wanted to do. He vowed to himself to not do it, and he kept his word, watching Imogen be out of sight before he adjusted the speed of the treadmill to a new record and turned the volume of his iPOD all the way up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Mom, what do I wear to court?" Clare asked in stress the morning of Career Day.

"Um, something elegant and classy," Helen said with a thoughtful look. "What about your black dress pants and –"

"Not a skirt?" Clare asked thoughtfully.

"You can, but all the female lawyers I know wear pants," Helen remarked. "You should wear your nice black ones because you have that black blazer and then put a colorful blouse underneath, okay? Come on, I'll iron it," Helen gently said, and twenty minutes later, a very mature looking Clare was all set to go for her first day at court.

"You look beautiful sweetheart. Do you remember your father's advice?" Helen asked.

"Yes," Clare said with a focused look as she began enumerating, "Don't be alarmed when they search your bag at the entrance and make you go through a metal detector, call the lawyer by her first name, not to start anyway, stand up when the Judge enters and leaves the courtroom, and most of all – don't attract any attention to myself when in court. Don't make any noises and don't talk, I'm just a guest," Clare finished.

"Perfect. Well, remember to have fun too, Clare, and learn as much as you can," Helen told her daughter gently.

"Woah, Counsellor Clare – I'm innocent, I swear," Glen playfully remarked as he held his hands up when he entered the kitchen.

Clare just giggled at Glen in response and said, "Thank you". When she noticed that Glen was still looking at her, she asked, "What is it?"

"It's just that...you look so much like your mom did at that age. So beautiful," Glen said, a little taken aback.

"You knew mom at 16?" Clare asked, surprised to hear the news.

"Of course. I've known your mom since we were both little. This is why I love her – I know all the good stuff, and all the bad stuff," Glen said as he approached Helen and kissed her cheek.

His words brought a now familiar pang to Clare's heart…"I know all the good stuff and all the bad stuff…that's why I love her".

"Court day, Clare?" Jake's voice startled her as she fixed her blazer a little.

"Uh huh," she simply nodded, spending the rest of breakfast in a bit of a daze.

Helen wished her "good luck" one more time as she dropped her off at the law firm right on time, and Clare gave her mom a hug again, making Helen absolutely thrilled at her daughter's new found kindness and attachment.

Clare then headed into the fancy Bay Street skyscraper and showed her temporary ID to the guard, who directed her towards the elevator as Findley and Goldman were on the thirteenth floor.

Feeling rather nervous now, Clare began to worry. What if she would be awful? What if she would be rude to the judge by accident, trip over in the courtroom and embarrass her boss for the day? What if her boss hated her? What if this lady was like one of those sharks and Clare couldn't keep up with her? What if –

"Clare? From Degrassi Community School?" she then heard a young, friendly-looking woman say a second after the elevator doors opened.

"Yes. Counsellor Findley?" Clare asked as the woman shook her hand.

"Oh, please, call me Mallory. I'm so excited you're going to be joining me today! I hope you won't find it too boring – we are headed to court, which is a more exciting part of my job," the blonde lady continued. Clare took in her looks and found them impressive. She was impeccably put together – she was wearing an elegant navy suit with tiny pinstripes and a beautiful baby blue ruffled blouse underneath. Clare loved that she had a long necklace on, a ring on her middle finger, and some long gold earrings on. She was dressed very much professionally, but also indicative of her young age; she was stylish. Her pretty blonde hair was perfectly straightened and the movements of her right arm as she toured Clare around the law firm created a sprinkly noise due to the series of bracelets on her arm.

"It's so impressive," Clare complimented the firm after Mallory directed her to a car with a driver after a tour, telling Clare that it was time for court already.

"When we get there," Mallory instructed, "our clients will already be there. A group of five women, okay, and I will have to get their affidavits in. An affidavit is a sworn statement that is later used for cross-examination; see if people say one thing on paper and another when questioned by a lawyer. I will be taking notes and you can as well, between the two of us we can't miss anything," Mallory said with a wink at Clare. "Now, what is your favourite drink at Starbucks, we have some time, and no day in court can start without Strabucks!" Mallory cheerfully said, and one quick stop later, Clare felt very comfortable with Mallory, who was really friendly and not all a shark-type when interacting with Clare. However, little hints here and there told Clare that…this was not a woman that you wanted to make angry…not at all.

Just like her father told her, Clare and Mallory were both ushered through security before Mallory led Clare through the court building, passing many judges in black robes that Clare nodded at respectfully along the way. Once they were finally in the right conference room, Clare was introduced to the clients that Mallory was defending – all women from Thailand who were in their 20s and early 30s.

"Everyone, this is Clare, and she is a student who is interested in being a lawyer someday, so she will just be joining us today, unless there are any problems with her. She is sworn to privilege as well, and will share nothing that is privileged," Mallory told the group, and for the first time ever, Clare was nervous that the clients wouldn't approve of her being here. What would happen then?

However, the room then exploded into a chorus of "Hello, Clare," and one woman even added a "You so pretty," that Clare couldn't help but smile in return.

"I've explained to Clare that I am defending your drug trafficking and drug dealing charges today and that we are to expose the men who exploited you as what they are – abusers. We will be dealing with exploitation and emotional abuse primarily today, I don't think we'll have time for anything else," Mallory explained.

Clare then got incredibly red-faced as she stuttered out, "Y-yes, beca-b-b-ec-because even though you live with drug dealers and think that it's okay they do that, and…um…even if your fingerprints are on the drug paraphernalia, Counsellor Findley says that…you are victims of the situation, not..not…dealers," Clare said, now starting to feel sick to her stomach.

"That's right, Clare. These girls were simply the victims of emotional abuse. Their boyfriends were controlling, impulsive, and manipulative," Mallory added.

"Controlling…manipulative?" Clare said as she looked up at Mallory full of confidence. If someone was like that, they were an emotional abuser….that is what the lawyer said, right?

"Yes," Mallory said confidently. "I believe they fit the profile exactly. These men did serious things –" Mallory asserted, but right at that second her sleek black Blackberry began vibrating and she excused herself, telling everyone,

"The judge wishes to see me for a second. I'll be right back. Girls, please make Clare feel at home and tell her a little bit about the legal process we've gone through so far to get us in front of a judge," Mallory said with a pleasant smile.

"I'll be back in five minutes, Clare," Mallory said.

After the door closed behind Mallory, Clare smiled at the young girls, who after all, were only a few years older than her. Clare felt very bad for them; they had obviously been exploited. She could understand their broken English well after a few more lines of exchange, mainly telling them what grade she was in and why she was here today – the girls told her that in Thailand, they didn't have Career Day per se.

"So, Clare, you got boyfriend? You so pretty," one of them asked, the youngest, prettiest one out of all of them.

"No," Clare said with a soft smile. "I….choose bad boys for boyfriends. One of them…I think….just being here today, it reminds me of him. He was …controlling," Clare said, the confusion of the legal terms getting to her.

"Oh no! He was bad boyfriend!" another of the women said empathetically.

"Yes. Yes he was," Clare said confidently.

"Don't tell me," the first woman said confidently. "My boyfriend, he say he want to protect me – always protect me, I need him to protect me-

"Right? Oh my God, the protect you thing…I know that one," Clare said as she shook her head.

"Oh, they all say they want to protect you – it's their job," one of the women then remarked. "But my boyfriend, he say he protect me but then he beat me and made me take…heroin drug," she continued, rolling up her arm to reveal a series of scars that Clare widened her eyes at.

"Don't tell me! My boyfriend – he was bad too. He made me work on the street," another woman said, shaking her head.

"My bad boyfriend too, and he make me take drug too. Then when police come, said he didn't know me. And he took all my money!" another woman replied.

"Bad boyfriends ruin girls," the first woman sadly said, "Clare, he always said to protect you –right," she added.

"Well," Clare said with hesitation, "I think he was maybe scared because this boy who had attacked him earlier was trying to talk to me," she said, and the women looked at her with blank looks on their faces.

"He protect you?" the first of them asked.

"He was obsessed with that!" Clare replied. "You know how it is – you find someone and you think he's great. But then there's so much wrong with him that it all….just falls apart," Clare argued.

"Don't tell me," the youngest woman then said, "My boyfriend, he seem really nice. Then he start to hit me. Make me work on street," she finished.

"And my boyfriend," another of the women contributed, "He say he love me. But he do no work, and make me work 24 hour a day! Then is when he make me take heroin drug".

"What about you, Clare? What did your bad boyfriend do?" the youngest of the women asked, and all of them turned towards Clare and fixed their gaze on her.

"Well, er….he was like, always wondering where I was so I would be safe, and um…he wrote this story that he put my name on and then it got published and he won a prize, and then he. Um… er… he….oh you know," Clare then said with a nervous chuckle, "Same thing, really. Um, I think Mall-Counsellor Findley is back," Clare then said as she heard the door open and breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Okay, everyone – so I have the doctor's testimony, the drug evidence, the affidavits, and the expert joining us today is a therapist who will testify to my intended psychological abuse charges. I think all the work she has done with all of you is sufficient evidence, and we can prove all of our charges. Just remember – the legal process always weeds out lies. We don't know when we'll catch them, but at one point it will happen, I guarantee. Off we go then. Ready, Clare?" Mallory asked.

"Yeah, I'm…I'm ready," Clare declared, flipping through the hundreds of pages that the lawyer had collected from experts in order to prove her case.

_I know that breaking up with him was the right thing to do, but…but maybe I should not have thought of him as an abuser back there. That doesn't seem…quite right. He never meant to use me. To hurt me, like those other men meant to use and hurt those girls. _


	2. The Flood

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

**You can follow me on twitter at westcoasttrees1 – just send me a request. Don't let the fact that I have protected tweets discourage you, I only did that because people sometimes attack me for my opinions. You can also ask me things on tumblr at westcoasttrees, as well as check for a picture of Clare's dress that is in this chapter.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"….but the best thing about spending the day with Diane von Furstenberg was that she gave me a great idea for a school event – Mr. Simpson, Imogen and I want to talk to you later," Fiona said with a huge smile as she stared right at Marisol's glare. The sight made Eli chuckle – the vendetta between girls had reached a bit of a stalemate lately, and Eli was privy to inside information that told him that it wouldn't be staying that way for long. That frostival thing he always heard Imogen and Fiona plan sounded to Eli more like a Hollywood event than a Degrassi one – not that he was surprised. The person who Fiona had flown out to NYC for Career Day was some famous designer, apparently – everything Fiona did was always on a…bigger scale, Eli thought.

"Eli, you're next," Principal Simpson said to the assembled grade 11 and 12 classes in the auditorium, catching Eli a little by surprise. "Share with everyone what you did on Career Day," Simpson added.

Clare watched Eli get up from where he was standing between Adam and Imogen, Fiona next to them as well. She looked down at her pink nail polish when she realized that….Eli had a whole new group of friends now, a whole new life.

His life had not stood still. It had not collapsed without her. He even looked…happy…relaxed as he avoided Adam's outstretched leg and punched Adam's shoulder lightly with a playful narrow glare in his direction.

The evidence of that was right there – in front of her, where she couldn't deny it. Clare shook the thought of her day with Mallory out of her head for the time being; clearly it had gotten to her a little too much. Why was she so concerned with evidence all of a sudden? Just let it be, she told herself.

When Eli got to the front of the auditorium, Clare felt herself inhale deeply as he began talking.

"All right, so I went to the studios of The Rock 101.3 FM for Career Day. My dad Bullfrog is their morning jockey and he does the weekly Top 40 as well. I went with our very own _mano-a-mano_ hosts Adam and Dave," Eli began, a couple of cheers erupting from Adam and Dave at the mention of their names.

"Seeing how I was shadowing my dad, I had a pretty relaxed time of it. I have been to the studios a lot before – I practically grew up there. Radio jockeys select the music to play on the station based on the music charts and polls that the station conducts; they run interviews with musicians who are either local or in town to play a show, and my dad also writes his own material – you'll find most RJs do. My dad uses a lot of humour and callers on his program. All right, um, what else," Eli was saying as he glanced down at his notes.

"Right – would I like to have this job one day? Um, yeah, I would. I'm pretty sure that when I go to college I want to work on the radio station there," Eli said and he met the approving glance of Simpson who gestured to him to sit down, and after a round of applause from the audience, Eli was back sitting between Adam and Imogen, and Clare didn't miss the way his leg was touching Imogen's, a sight that she found she didn't like. At all.

"Okay, let's have Clare up next," Simpson announced, catching Clare by surprise. She hurried up to the front of the auditorium, not having the slightest idea that Eli was admiring the way her uniform skirt rose and fell with each movement on her part. She also had no idea that Eli loved the pretty butterfly hair clip she had inserted into her bouncy curls just a few hours earlier.

When she turned around to the audience and found the collected grade 11 and 12 classes all looking right at her and a pink blush spread on her cheeks, she had no idea that Eli was thinking 'You can do it, Edwards. No big deal' because at once, he had noticed how nervous she had gotten.

"So, Clare, where did you go for Career Day?" Simpson asked her gently, sensing the need for a leading question.

"I – I , um, job shadowed a lawyer. Mallory Findley, to be more exact. She works at the offices of Findley and Goldman on Bay Street, a really nice law firm. The day that I visited, she, she was going to court. She is a defense lawyer and she was defending a group of immigrant women who had been abused by their boyfriends. I watched her take their testimonies and conduct cross-examination, which was intense. She knew exactly what to ask them and when to make everything so…clear," Clare said, gaining her confidence now.

"So…" she then added, "Then at the end of the day she talked to me how law is like life, and how even if I didn't want to, or if I didn't become a lawyer, I can use some of what I learned with her in everyday life. She said that…she became a lawyer because one of the Supreme Court Justices she knew was her own Career Day sponsor; back then the Justice was just a lawyer, but she told Mallory that the duty of lawyers is to do two things. The first is…to fight for justice, and the second is to, to…" Clare faltered, her breath becoming a little shaky.

"The second is….never to turn your back on those who need someone," Clare then declared with perfect conviction as she exhaled deeply, looking ever so…sad. "Mallory also told me that legal and illegal is often an absolute state, not subject to gradation," Clare recited, and Eli couldn't help it – he looked right at her and gave her a soft smile, because she sounded so professional and confident as she was reciting what Mallory had told her.

"And she said…she said that, not just lawyers have to use logic and evidence to make decisions. She says…everyone must. She said…you should always try to look at all the evidence you have when you make a decision and then use logic to get to a reasonable conclusion. And if…something doesn't fit…if something is…odd or surprising, or…out of character for someone," Clare said, staring past all of the assembled students, the direction of her speech making Eli narrow his eyes thoughtfully, "she said you should try to figure out why it is so. Because there are no consequences, there are no actions without causes, Mallory says. Because…there can be no harm without a vicious will. You have to always try to find…motive. And if you make a mistake, Mallory told me, then it's your duty to make it right. That's what I learned at Career Day," Clare finished, and after a round of applause, she rushed back to her seat and looked at no one and talked to no one as Jake, who had been sitting beside her got up to present next.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Three minutes. Dear God, only three minutes. I can do three more minutes, then it's lunchtime, _Eli told himself as he stared at his new English teacher, who was going on and on about prepositions or something of the sort.

"I don't want to see any mistakes on the quiz tomorrow," she finished. "Good writers don't use the wrong prepositions".

"Unless they belong to an entire decade-long tradition of postmodernism," Eli muttered to himself.

"What's that Mr. Goldsworthy?" the teacher asked him in a potent tone.

"Um, nothing," Eli replied with a mischievous smirk, finding it a little funny that she had heard that.

The teacher simply rolled her eyes in response at Eli, and just as she was getting ready to reply, the bell rang and Eli booked it out of the classroom, faster than the speed of light, leaving behind a deflated Clare Edwards who had wanted to talk to him.

She had spent the entire day getting ready to talk to him, just to tell him that she agreed with his very obvious views on the new Advanced English class. Just now, it had been the perfect opportunity too; she wanted to tell Eli that that was funny. He was right! Postmodernists wouldn't like this class, and Clare had found Eli's witty comment hilarious. No one in the class seemed to respond to it, but _she_ got it, and she wanted to tell him!

Except that now it was too late.

He was already gone.

When she got to the cafeteria, she took her seat next to Jake, grateful that Jenna, was once, was not in sight. Jake was pretty busy talking to Owen and Dave, so Clare just ate her lunch quietly, sneaking glances at a lonely boy a few tables away.

Well, she was not sure that assigning the value judgement of 'lonely' to Eli was right, because she knew that she had no idea how he felt anymore. But as he was sitting at a little round table all by himself in his leather jacket, Clare couldn't help realizing that she was probably right – he did look lonely. He was eating a sandwich and reading a Hemingway novel, and just a second after turning a page, Clare saw him insert his earbuds into his ears and he fiddled with his iPod a little before setting it down and returning to his novel, taking small, but hungry bites out of his sandwich every now and then.

Clare realized that she had seen this sight a number of times now; Eli seemed to be eating lunch on his own a lot more. Maybe it was because Dave and Adam were always busy since the re-launch of their radio show, and maybe it was because Fiona and Imogen were busy planning some new school event, as Clare had heard.

The sight immediately saddened her. Eli looked perfectly all right and content on his own, just eating and reading and listening to music. He looked completely fine, lost in his little world as crowds of students made their way through the cafeteria. He looked perfectly fine, but as Clare moved a little to the side, not wanting to sit that close to Owen, and as she avoided the bits of flying crumbs from his sandwich, she couldn't help if maybe Eli felt a little lonely spending so much time on his own.

After all, Eli had always been one for being a bit of a loner, but Clare remembered that…he always seemed happier when around his friends.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Clare, hey, wait up!" Adam called to his friend at the end of lunch, running a little in the hallway to catch up to her.

"Hey. Where were you at lunch?" Clare asked Adam.

"I was working on the show with Dave in the radio room," Adam replied.

"That's what I thought," Clare replied with a soft smile. "What's up?"

"Fiona came up to Dave and I; she's doing the grad fashion show this year, some connection she got with that fancy designer, she's gonna give her a bunch of dresses for free for the show," Adam said.

"Diane von Furstenberg's gonna sponsor the Degrassi fashion show? Are you serious?" Clare asked, her excitement obvious. Granted, she knew of the designer from Alli, but still…this was major news, and Clare was already excited about the entire event.

"Yeah. Why does EVERY girl react like that to the news by the way?" Adam asked with a laugh.

"It's just exciting, that's all," Clare said with a shrug. "She's pretty famous," she added as further justification.

"Anyway, Fiona needs models. So, I nominated you. Will you do it?" Adam asked.

"Yes! Really, Adam? Oh, I'm so excited!" Clare said, her entire face lighting up.

"It's not for a couple of weeks, but I'm glad you're so happy," Adam replied with a smile.

"Well, you can count me in," Clare said as she turned in the doorway, not wanting to walk into Purino's class just yet.

"Cool – so just find some guy to walk you down the aisle thing, okay?" Adam asked.

"What?" Clare asked, her voice reaching an octave higher than its usual.

"Fiona says it's easier that way," Adam replied with a shrug.

"Okay, well, you're mine – I call you, don't let some other girl snatch you up first," Clare said with a giggle.

When Adam raised his hands in a defensive gesture, Clare pursed her lips at him, seeing where this was going. "Um, no way, Clare, I learned my lesson with this whole fashion show thing last year – I don't wanna do it again. Over my dead body. Sorry," Adam said, and immediately booked it far out of sight, glad he and Clare didn't share the same social studies class.

"Adam!" Clare said in a soft whine as she shook her head at him and took her seat, with an entire new problem on her mind.

When she heard Jenna's girly voice shrieking to Alli, "Oh, we have to go after school! You bring Dave, I'll bring Jake, and Fiona will approve us all. Oh my God, those dresses will be so pretty! I'm soooo excited," Clare felt even more annoyed.

Alli then replied to Jenna, "Well, don't get too excited. Practically every girl in the school will be volunteering this time – you get to keep a real live DvF dress, who wouldn't go for that?"

"But you and Dave are like the perfect tiny little couple! You're adorable, and Fiona's gonna love it. Jake and I might look awkward down a runway, he's so tall," Jenna replied, making Clare chuckle silently.

"Doesn't matter Jenna, have you seen guy models? They're always tall. Fiona'll put you in for sure," Alli comforted her friend.

"I just hate the whole audition thing," Jenna sighed.

Clare tried to keep her composure, but with that last line, it was as if Jenna was practically setting her right up for it. She couldn't hold it back –

"Yeah, it really is too bad _you_ have to audition," Clare told Jenna, looking her right in the eye and also intercepting Alli's confused glance.

"What do you mean?" Jenna asked.

"Oh, I'm just saying – Alli is right, every girl in the school will be trying to get a spot. Except the ones who were nominated, of course," Clare said with a small smile. "Like me," she added potently as she widened her eyes at Jenna and turned around in her seat as Purino walked in and began the lesson, leaving a triumphant Clare to enjoy what she found to be the most pleasant history lesson of the year.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey mom," Eli said, sounding a little tired as he threw his school bag on the floor and plopped down next to Cece on the couch. "Dad still at work?" he asked as he rested his head against the couch and commandeered the remote away from Cece.

"He should be here any minute, baby boy," Cece said as she took a close look at Eli, running her fingers through his hair. Eli frowned and moved out of her touch, not liking having his hair all messy like that action of Cece's often made it.

"How was school?" Cece asked gently.

"Meh, school was school," Eli said with a shrug. "Just gonna shower and get changed before dinner then I guess," Eli said, but Cece could tell that he didn't really want to get out of his comfy spot on the couch.

"I've got lasagna for dinner today," Cece said, wanting to cheer Eli up a little before she had to remind him of something that she didn't think he would enjoy a whole lot.

"Yum! Can't wait," Eli praised his mom, feeling the need to cheer her up a little – she seemed a little sad to him.

"Eli, your aunt Linda called me today," Cece started.

"Oh, that's right! Is she getting excited for her big day? Not next weekend, but the one after, right?" Eli asked with a big smile, a little to Cece's surprise.

"Yes, the weekend after the next. Oh, she's really excited – Dean is perfect for her, I'm so glad she is finally getting married. It's going to be the cutest little wedding there ever was!" Cece said, her own excitement now taking her over.

"Um, did you tell her – one less for the wedding?" Eli asked, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"I did, baby boy, I did," Cece softly said. "Eli…" she then gently started, "I'm sure Imogen would still come with you, you've stayed such good friends," but just as she figured, Eli abruptly cut her off.

"No, I don't want to make her. She'll feel obligated. She's been through enough with me, mom - trust me," Eli said as he leaned his head against a couch pillow and he rolled his eyes at the memories of his and Imogen's part, deeply ashamed of what it constituted of.

"Mom?" Eli asked in a small voice.

"Yes?" Cece replied instantly.

"It's okay, right? That I don't have a date to the wedding? Did Aunt Linda think it's okay? It's not like weird or anything…I'm family, right? I'll hang out with you and dad?" Eli asked, obvious worry in his voice.

"Oh, Eli, of course it's all right!" Cece replied at once, Eli's tone making her realize there was no other option. "Of course you'll sit with your father and me. Your Aunt Linda is so excited to see you! I can't believe you haven't seen her since you were 10! I'm glad she found a Toronto boy and is moving back here. And your cousin is now 15, and she loves Dean too – calls him dad already, from what your aunt tells me," Cece said with a beaming smile.

"That's good. That's really good that she likes him," Eli said thoughtfully. He then slowly said, "Mom, when you talked to Aunt Linda…does…did you…does she know I'm- did you tell her I'm-" Eli asked, speaking in a really low voice.

"No," Cece replied with a soft smile. "You can tell her yourself if you want. But I didn't. It's not really what defines you to me, baby boy. I didn't jump on the phone with my sister to tell her you are bipolar. I did tell her about your writing, because…that does define you. She was really happy to hear how you were published and everything," Cece said proudly, but she wondered why Eli flinched at the use of the word 'published'.

"Thanks mom," Eli then said with a heavy sigh. "I'm gonna go get changed, all right?" he then added, jumping off the couch with a sudden burst of energy that made Cece giggle.

"Okay, Eli. Okay," Cece replied, a thoughtful look etched on her face as Eli ran up the stairs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, I'm supposed to go see Fiona at lunch today, right?" Clare asked Adam the next morning at the Dot, the two of them having agreed to grab some morning lattes before class.

"Yes, model fitting or something like that, I think she needs to choose the rest of the models today too. Did you find a guy to walk you down the aisle?" Adam asked Clare as they settled at a table.

"It's not down the _aisle_, Adam, it's called down the RUNWAY," Clare clarified passionately.

"Ugh, you sound just like Fiona! It's a big white thing you walk down – aisle," Adam said with a laugh.

"You're such a guy," Clare said with a playful roll of her eyes. "And no…I'm still looking for a guy to do that, thank you very much, Mr. I-won't-do-it," Clare continued.

Just as she fixed her chair she heard the bell connected to the door ring and she tried her hardest not to stare at…Eli, who had just walked through the door and sat down at the counter seat. Clare watched him order a black coffee – no sugar, no cream of course, she thought with a sad smile, glad to see that some things would never change, she watched him pay for it, telling the college kid who worked the morning shift to keep the change – another thing that would never change – and she watched him take a sip and turn around.

"Hey," he offered to her and Adam, seeing Clare taking him a little aback. All of Eli's brain cells were preoccupied with noticing how pretty Clare looked first thing in the morning, the shiny Toronto sun making her brownish curls sparkle a playful red.

"Hey dude. Sit with us?" Adam offered, thinking Eli and Clare might have finally reached a point where such a thing might be possible.

Clare found her heart beating faster at Adam's words – a reaction that took her conscious mind by surprise.

"I-" Eli began, his cheeks getting just a bit red as he was looking for a believable excuse, figuring that Adam shouldn't have asked such a thing - Clare had made it clear that she wanted Eli out of her life, and Eli meant to give her what she wanted.

But before Eli could finish his sentence, all three friends heard a cheery, "There he is! My most talented writer – had a feeling you'd be here!" and as they turned around towards the door to the Dot, all three were incredibly surprised to see the woman wearing an elegant pinstripe suit and a sheer silk blouse underneath, a 'Toronto School Board: Visitor to Degrassi Community School' ID tag pinned onto her elegant suit. Her hair was straightened and she looked…so much more professional than her usual style.

"Ms. Dawes?" Eli asked with a gasp as he took in the image in front of him.

"Hi Eli!" Mrs. Dawes said enthusiastically. "I'm just visiting Degrassi and I wanted to give you this – provincial wide writing competition, oh Eli, I just know you could win it! I thought I'd bring it myself, the teacher who replaced me isn't a literature teacher, I don't think she'd think of it, but you need to write something, Eli – the theme is 'music and love' – it just screams you, Eli!" Mrs. Dawes was enthusiastically saying, but Clare noticed that Eli…wasn't responding at all. He had a completely blank expression on his face.

When he did speak, not a flash of emotion was detectable on his face as he answered, "No, thank you," and walked right past Mrs. Dawes towards the door.

"Eli Goldsworthy! No is not acceptable! Not when you have your talent! Not to mention, I just drove from the other end of town, you won't even tell me how you've been?" Mrs. Dawes asked, shocked.

Clare saw Eli turn around slowly and look Mrs. Dawes right in the eyes and his voice was hoarse as he softly said, "What do _you _even care? You left".

When accompanied by a wounded look that made Mrs. Dawes swear that in that moment, Eli looked like a five year old who had just been told that his puppy had been run over by a truck, the experienced teacher finally understood what was going on here. It wasn't that Eli didn't miss her, it was that Eli had missed her desperately. And that…intentional or not, she had only reinforced Eli's fear that he should never get attached to people in his life, because sooner or later, they'll leave – out of the blue, with as much as an explanation.

"Oh, Eli," Mrs. Dawes sighed, feeling guilty. "It all happened so fast. I was offered a really good job working for the Toronto School Board. It was an amazing opportunity. The only thing I didn't like about it – was that I had to take it a year before you graduate. There's nothing I would like more than to carry you through your grad year – but I promised myself I could still be here for the important things – like this competition, Eli," Mrs. Dawes said in her kind motherly tone as she held out a flyer to Eli.

All Eli did in response was look at her for a few moments.

"I miss you Mrs. Dawes," he finally said in a low voice, and the admittance made Mrs. Dawes smile in relief.

"I miss you too, Eli," she said with a kind smile. "Will you sit and have a coffee with me?" she offered.

"Outside?" Eli suggested, because the combined presence of Mrs. Dawes and Clare made him really nervous, and he wanted to talk to Mrs. Dawes without worrying about accidentally confessing that no matter how hard he had tried to push his feelings for Clare away and managing to fool himself while with Imogen that he had done so successfully, he knew he never would be able to.

"Sounds great," Mrs. Dawes said with a warm smile.

"I want to sit by the window," Clare suddenly announced to Adam after Mrs. Dawes and Eli had left, and her flawed cover was no match for Adam, who immediately replied, "You mean you want to eavesdrop".

"Dawes didn't even _notice _you and me! I just want to hear what she's doing now," Clare defended herself, but even this justification was met by Adam with another eye roll.

Clare focused her ears on the conversation outside, infinitely grateful that the Dot didn't actually have glass windows, but just open space, while she kept her eyes on Adam…for the first minute of her concentration, getting fully distracted soon after.

"You look really nice, Mrs. Dawes. What's your job now?" Eli asked curiously, having gotten over the initial shock of having her here and feeling appreciated and cared for as a result of Mrs. Dawes' kind words to him earlier.

"You look different too, Eli," Mrs. Dawes said first.

"Um, just trying something different," Eli said modestly. "But what is your new job?" he asked curiously, wanting to switch the subject of the conversation back to Mrs. Dawes.

"I'm a student welfare representative for the school board. I basically advocate for more funding for schools, write proposals, meet with Cabinet Ministers and government representatives, speak for the School Board, and whatever else might be necessary to get some money into our schools," Mrs. Dawes said with obvious excitement that made Eli smile.

"Wow, that sounds really cool. You look really happy just talking about it, Mrs. Dawes. Sorry, um, er- sorry about my little guilt trip back there. If you're happy, I'm happy," Eli declared with a beaming smile that made an overlooking Clare smile as well.

Mrs. Dawes laughed out loud at Eli's words and added, "Thanks, Eli. It really was so last minute, and I promised myself I'd still come check in with you a lot. Eli – you're headed for great things. I only wish you could see that," Mrs. Dawes sighed, and her words took Clare aback.

"You make it sound so easy," Eli said as he focused his gaze forward.

"I'm sure it's not, Eli," Mrs. Dawes said empathetically. "I was at Degrassi looking for you earlier, and…I was talking to the new English teacher," Mrs. Dawes began.

"I don't like her," Eli supplied quickly. "She's a language teacher, and it's so boring, Mrs. Dawes. We're not reading a single piece of literature! I'm dying a slow death in there," Eli admitted.

"I know it's really different, Eli. But it is completely unacceptable that you're not even reading one novel, and I told her so. It's an Advanced English class that is supposed to prepare you for university. You'll be expected to read six novels in one semester in first year if you take English lit, which I expect all of the student s in that class to do, of course. You'll find she's made some changes to the curriculum. But be patient with her, Eli," Mrs. Dawes advised.

"I don't expect her to be you," Eli said with a laugh. "But I'm really glad you did that. It'll feel so good to be back to reading real stuff," he added.

"I also had an interesting talk with Principal Simpson, Eli," Mrs. Dawes said, and Clare saw how she asked that Eli look at her.

When Mrs. Dawes asked, "Why didn't you tell me? I can't believe you didn't tell me," Clare was left really confused.

When Eli looked down at his hands, a textbook avoidance technique for him, Clare became only more confused.

His voice was small, but determined when he answered, "It's….embarrassing".

"It's not embarrassing, Eli, and it's not your fault. It's just a condition, and may I point out the number of writers who don't have it is smaller than the number who do have it," Mrs. Dawes said gently, and Clare gasped when she realized what was happening.

Eli…had never told Mrs. Dawes that he was bipolar.

"Why did everyone know but me, Eli?" Mrs. Dawes said, slightly reproachful.

Eli sighed deeply before answering, "I just…I wanted one person to not look at me like that".

"Like what?" Mrs. Dawes asked.

"The way they do after they know. They don't see the real me anymore; they just see the bipolar. It's all they see; singer Craig Manning explained it best in this interview he gave my dad once. Once people think you're crazy, that's all they see," Eli said in a quiet voice, his words piercing Clare's heart.

"I don't like the word crazy," Mrs. Dawes said kindly.

"Me either," Eli said with a smirk. "But…I just wanted one person to not look at me like that…and I wanted that person to be you. Especially how you were there for all the worst of it," Eli finished. "You'd just go 'oh, of course, he wrote that messed up story when he was having an episode, the play when he was having an even worse episode. Just like that…all I'd become would be..bipolar," Eli said, and Clare noticed the way it took him a long time to say the word and how he looked like its taste was…bitter as he said it.

"Oh, Eli. I wouldn't have thought that," Mrs. Dawes replied.

"Really?" Eli fired back, his green eyes fixed right on those of those of his favourite teacher.

"Maybe…maybe just a little," Mrs. Dawes admitted. "Eli…if only it were that easy. If only you could be reduced to one word. But it's not like that with you. You've got many facets, none of them can be captured with one word. Unless…" Mrs. Dawes trailed off.

"Unless what?" Eli asked.

"Unless that word is…writer," Mrs. Dawes said with a smile. "Writer captures you just about perfectly," she said thoughtfully. "How is the new school year?" Mrs. Dawes then asked cheerfully.

"It's going," Eli said with a shrug.

"I ran into…Imogen in the hallway at school. She was so excited for me to see you, and so disappointed when she couldn't track you down, but she told me you might be here," Mrs. Dawes said, trying to steer the conversation in a particular direction.

When Eli smiled softly, Clare's eyebrows met in anger because she suspected that soft smile was related to the mention of Imogen.

"She just must have known how happy I'd be to see you," Eli answered.

"She seems to know you pretty well," Mrs. Dawes contributed.

"She tries so hard with me," Eli said with a smile that made Clare furious. "She never really gave up on me, when she had every right to," he added.

"This is why you….love her?" Mrs. Dawes inquired, making Clare's heart stop.

"Of course," Eli supplied without any hesitation, and Clare stared in disbelief.

"She's your girlfriend," Mrs. Dawes said with a smile.

"Oh no, no, not like that," Eli said with a small wave, "I love her like I love all the people who are important to me. All my friends. Imogen and I are not right for each other – we did try. We lasted – you ready for it, Mrs. Dawes? Two whole days," Eli said with a laugh that Mrs. Dawes soon joined.

"Well, what happened?" Mrs. Dawes asked.

"I'm not what she needs. Or wants," Eli said with a shrug. "It's just not there with us – that spark, that…something," Eli explained.

"I understand," Mrs. Dawes said with a nod. "Good for you for trying, though, Eli," Mrs. Dawes praised him.

Eli just gave her a small smile and said something about how he was so glad to have Imogen as a friend that Clare couldn't coherently register due to the strong beating of her heart and because of the ager coursing through her veins.

"And," Mrs. Dawes then added, "I just have to ask, Eli. Do you talk to…to Cl-?" Mrs. Dawes asked, but Eli answered before she could even finish her question.

"No," Eli said with determination in his voice.

"Not at all?" Mrs. Dawes asked.

"Nope," Eli said with a pop. "She doesn't want to talk to me. I'm a long lost memory that she doesn't even think of anymore. I just…I wasn't to her what she was to me," Eli said, the words hitting Clare. Hitting her hard.

"What do you mean, Eli?" Mrs. Dawes asked.

"I mean, I loved her. I probably always will," Eli said, and Clare silently gasped upon hearing that. "But…she doesn't want me. I know we're never getting back together, trust me. I didn't see…how mistaken I was about how she felt about me until I saw her…with Jake. She told him she loved him; she never told me that. The moment I heard that…the way she looked at him…she never looked at me like that. Heartbreak happens, and I like to think I can deal with it. But….yeah…I just wasn't to her what she was to me," Eli finished, a sadness in his voice that not all the therapy in the world could cure.

"Oh," Mrs. Dawes said, just as sadly. "I'm very sorry, Eli. Sometimes girls do that, you know," Mrs. Dawes supplied.

"Do what?" Eli asked.

"Stupid things," Mrs. Dawes said without any hesitation. "I've seen that Jake kid around, but I wouldn't be so quick to deem him superior to you, Eli. He's just a teenage boy used to attention from girls because he's good-looking," Mrs. Dawes said without the slightest tumble. "Doesn't mean he's in any way superior to you, Eli. Because he's not. You go that?" Mrs. Dawes said, looking Eli straight in the eye.

Eli was too shocked by her words to throw together any type of answer, and inside the Dot, Adam was doing his best to avoid Clare's gaze, because Adam felt that the entire Jake/Clare/Eli debacle was perfectly captured by Mrs. Dawes, in just a couple of sentences.

"Oh Eli," Mrs. Dawes sighed when she saw him not respond to her comments, "I wish there was some way to make you see. You've got so much going for you, kiddo. So much going right. But I know that at 17, it's hard to see past Friday night," she said, making Eli look at her more intensely.

"You've got so much up ahead, Eli, trust me. I've got the life perspective to tell you so. You are destined for great things; it's only becoming more crystal clear with each literary success you have; a play here, a story there. I can see it, you know. You've got so much up ahead; you'll make new friends – and one day, I'd like to see your kids and wife. Eli, remember what I'm telling you – these are _nowhere near _the best years of life. I can't wait to see what great things come from you. Enter the competition, Eli," Mrs. Dawes said, placing the information sheet in Eli's hands.

"Oh Eli – I wish you wouldn't worry so; let it be. Have a little faith and you'll see – everything will work out just as it should. The universe will unfold the right way for you. Don't you forget it – you've got so much going for you, going right. I have to go now, but I'm so glad you sat down with me," Mrs. Dawes said, getting up.

"Mrs. Dawes," Eli said softly, still in shock over the words that she said to him. "Thank you. I….I wouldn't be here without you. Believe it or not, I am doing better. And I want to thank you – I need to thank you. You spent so much extra time with me; it's like you were getting me ready for something," Eli said thoughtfully.

"For some things, Eli. Great things. I'll be looking out for you, you know – from the School Board head offices," Mrs. Dawes said warmly. "I'm just going to go inside and say hi to Adam and Clare, but stay in touch, Eli," Mrs. Dawes said.

"Thank you Mrs. Dawes. For everything," Eli said with a confident smirk.

"Anytime," Mrs. Dawes replied with a smile, before she went inside and politely asked Clare and Adam about their new year, heard how they missed her too, and told them a little about her new job.

After she left, Clare noticed that Mrs. Dawes only spent a portion of her time with them in comparison to the time she spent with Eli. She also wondered how Mrs. Dawes knew so many details about the paper that were characteristic only to this year.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Clare, are you here to be a model?" Fiona asked, and Clare wondered why she was a little confused.

"Adam said – " Clare said, feeling herself blush and regretting her decision now.

"Oh right, Adam asked me about that," Fiona said, more to herself than to Clare. She remembered Adam saying something about how Clare had no girlfriends left and that it might be nice of Fiona to include her.

"What?" Clare asked in confusion as she walked further into the drama room, which had been transformed into Fiona's 'atelier' as she referred to it. Beautiful designer dresses were hung up carefully on moving clothing racks, a few sewing machines were taken out, and a variety of measuring instruments were all over a large wooden table.

"Nothing, come on, come on in, of course you'll be in the show, I know just the thing for you too!" Fiona then said excitedly. "We have the loveliest mermaid-style greenish blue dress – it'll go with your pretty eyes so well," Fiona said with a big smile, walking over to the dresses and picking one out.

Fiona unzipped its protecting jacket to reveal a gorgeous, one of a kind dress that made Clare gasp.

"Wow, it's so beautiful," Clare gasped.

"I know, right? Oh my God, you'll look gorgeous in it," Fiona said. "I just need to take your measurements, we'll need to shorten it a bit. We have to shorten all of them practically, they are made for really tall girls, but it won't be a problem," Fiona said. "Can you go slip it on?" Fiona then asked.

"Sure thing," Clare said, walking towards the make-shift dressing rooms that Fiona had set up.

Just as Clare had slipped off her uniform, she heard Imogen come into the drama room, talking to Fiona about how all the models had to be picked soon, and just as she was trying to zip up the DvF's dress zipper and lamenting that the makeshift dressing room didn't have a mirror, which meant she'd have to go outside and be seen by others before she'd get a chance to see how she looked herself, she heard a laugh and a few witty remarks coming from a voice she'd recognize from a million others.

"Oh, hell no!" Eli was saying, "You are not roping me into this – I'll put up your signs, help you set up, I'll do your Djing, I've already promised, but hell no – I'm not gonna be a model, over my dead body," Eli was saying, and his words made Clare's heart beat faster.

"But EEEEllllllllllliiiiiiiiii," Fiona was saying in a whine, "I need guys! You just have to wear a suit! Please, come on," Fiona was begging him.

"Oh God," Eli groaned. "This is soo not my style, Fiona. Imogen help me out here," Eli pleaded. "Tell her," he added.

"Eli, we really need more guys. Besides, a lot of girls would wanna see your cute little self strutting down a cat walk," Imogen said, being much help to Eli's cause as she added a few cat calls for fun.

"Oh God, there's no way out of this hell," Clare then heard Eli say. "Listen, I've got your music set-up all ready, I'm not committing to anything else. If you're really in a bind, then…er- we'll see," Eli said, and he booked it out of the room as soon as he could.

Clare took advantage of that opportunity to make her way out of the dressing room, and Fiona gasped and excitedly said, "Yes! That is the dress for you, Clare. Oh my God, you look so pretty! Right, Imogen?" Fiona asked, the excitement of the event getting to her.

"Hello, Clare Edwards," was all Imogen said in reply. "Yes, the dress suits her," Imogen coldly said, carefully studying the way Fiona was looking at Clare.

"I really like it, but it's a little long," Clare said.

"We can easily fix that, that's the point of you trying it on," Fiona replied, grabbing some nearby pins and starting to pin Clare's dress.

As she was doing that and Imogen was beginning to feel very uncomfortable, Fiona also frowned at Clare's reflection and said, "Clare, you have to wear either a strapless bra with the dress or none – it has the corset at the top so I wouldn't wear one. But you can't wear one with straps like this," Fiona appropriately advised. "It ruins the entire effect of the strapless dress; the entire point of the way the dress was cut," she said critically.

"Sorry," Clare said, a little embarrassed, and she quickly slipped off the bra in a private manner as her body was covered by the dress, and she was discreetly trying to bunch it up in her hand when the door opened –

"Wait, are we opening with 'Girls Just Wanna Fun' or -," Eli asked, before he gasped, quickly turned around and exclaimed, "Oh my God, sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry," in a panic, bumping into all the possible chairs all around him as he tried to leave at once, at the sight of Fiona and Imogen standing around Clare, pinning her dress, and _definitely_ _not_ missing the fact that she was holding a lacy black bra in her hand. He had just walked into a fully-covered, but still partially-dressed Clare Edwards – she was barefoot, and between the shorter hem that her dress was getting and its strapless design, Eli was being exposed to more skin that he had even seen in his and Clare's more intimate kisses and embraces. He had to get out of here – _and fast_ – because he knew that soon, his body would be responding to the sight in a way that would be out of his conscious control.

"It's okay!" Clare said loudly, surprising herself at her boldness. She quickly hid her hand behind her back, eliminating the problem of the bra, and her completely red face gave Eli a soft smile. "I'm just trying my dress on," she said gently. "You didn't do anything wrong, Fiona and Imogen are just helping me with the fit," Clare added. "Tell them what you need to," she told Eli, sharing more words with him than she had in months.

"Um, I…I just…er-" Eli began, feeling his throat completely dry at the sight of Clare in the most gorgeous green dress known to man. It had a tight lacy corset that perfectly complimented her beautiful figure, and her pale white skin was hidden by the fall of her beautiful curls, a pale pink blush spreading all over her exposed neck at the same speed as Eli's gaze was falling on her. The bottom of her dress was of a greenish bluish sparkly material that was incredibly elegant and sexy at the same time, falling against the curves of Clare's skin perfectly, and rapidly gaining control of Eli's senses.

"Fi-Fiona, um…what's the song you want first," Eli barely choked out.

"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – that remix version you have," Fiona answered as she studied the tension between Eli and Clare.

"O-Okay," Eli barely squeaked out, his eyes never leaving Clare, who betrayed her newfound composure with a very satisfactory smirk upon seeing Eli's flustered reaction at the sight of her.

Before Eli could help himself, a

"You look really pretty," escaped him. "I mean-um, er- you should wear that one. Because you look really pretty," Eli said, his voice very dry.

"Thank you," Clare said as the blush cascaded all the way down her exposed skin, and she released a tiny exhale that made Eli want to kiss her right then and there. His words made Clare remember that…it had been so long since she had received a sweet, sincere compliment. Being called "cool" and "kissable" didn't really count in her books.

Eli caught himself thinking that he'd like to cut off that adorable little exhale of hers with a kiss only to be shocked at himself – he couldn't think that! He could NOT have the vision of kissing her in that dress in his mind. NO. He had come so far, just for a damn green dress to ruin it all?

"I gotta go," Eli then declared at once, and he was out of the room as fast as humanly possible, grateful that he had managed to keep it together somewhat and not completely embarrass himself. He had not been any smooth criminal in there, that much he knew, but it could have been a lot more obviously worse, and at least he had that to be thankful for.

"Ahem," Fiona said, clearing her throat and catching the troubled look on Imogen's face.

"Clare," Fiona then sternly said, "We need to talk. You can only be in mine and Imogen's show if you do **NOT** have your stepbrother walk you down the runway. This is a New York City-style show, not a Utah-style one, and I **cannot** tolerate any dumb jokes about kissing siblings at a Coyne event. So you can't be in my show if you want Jake, no matter how pretty you look in this dress," Fiona strictly said.

"Jake and I broke up," Clare said calmly, although her heart was still beating a mile a minute in light of the encounter that had just occurred.

"Oh. Well, that's too bad," Fiona said, without the slightest hint of compassion or interest.

"You'll have to find someone else then," Imogen piped in, finding that she really didn't like all the attention that Fiona was giving to Clare Edwards. "Off you go then, time to get changed, we've got all your measurements," Imogen added, making Fiona look at her suspiciously. Could be it be that….? Fiona couldn't help but wonder.

"I don't want Jake anyway. But I don't have a boyfriend, or too many guy friends, and Adam doesn't want to and…" Clare trailed off, and she then redirected her gaze at the door, and boldly said, "Maybe you could put me with…just for the show, you could put me with…someone not too tall, you see, I need someone not too tall, and I was thinking, maybe- maybe if he's okay with it," Clare nervously said, "I could go with-with..with El-" she began, but both Clare and Imogen were surprised to hear Fiona interrupt her at once.

"No," Fiona said categorically. "You can't go with him. You can't have Eli," Fiona said, and she began to pull out a few pins that were not needed in Clare's dress.

Clare felt Fiona pulling on the bits of the dress a little angrily as she said, "It's not fair. _Don't_ play with him like that. Not because you just need him for the fashion show. Not unless you mean it. Not after _what I just saw_ in here. _Not only when you need him_. That's not how it works," Fiona said, more stern that Clare had ever heard her be.

"Off you go now, out of the dress," Fiona said with determination.

As Clare looked at her and Imogen in confusion, she saw a keen determination in both of their eyes.

A fierce…sense of protection.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come in, Clare," the new English teacher told Clare after school.

"Katie?" Clare asked in confusion when she saw the senior girl also in the classroom.

"Hey Clare. I'm asking Ms. Dannely to supervise you running the paper," Katie said in a small voice, obviously upset.

"What? Where are you going?" Clare asked in surprise.

"I need to spend some time in a rehab facility," Katie said, her voice almost a whisper.

"But I thought your leg was fine now," Clare declared in confusion – Katie had been back at school for a few weeks now, and she didn't even have any crutches or anything!

"It needs more rehab," Katie said, avoiding Clare's eyes. "Clare, you're the next oldest person after me who's on the paper, so it goes to you. Don't let me down. You have everything you need in my binders, every old issue and the descriptions of how to do the layout are all in there. I really don't see any way you could screw this up, so make sure you don't," Katie said, now beginning to sound irritated.

"I won't screw it up," Clare scoffed, feeling like Katie was launching a personal attack on her now.

"I sure hope you don't, I've worked very hard to get this paper to where it is now. Ms. Dannely will help you if she needs to," Katie said before she left the classroom.

"Are you all right with this Clare?" the English teacher who was the faculty supervisor for all humanities clubs asked.

"I want to run the paper," Clare said with a smile, realizing that she liked having the leadership position.

"Well, all right then. Just let me know if you need any help," she said with a bright smile.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Wow. You look so old, baby boy," Cece said thoughtfully at the tailor's shop.

"What? I look old?" Eli asked, surprised. "I don't wanna be old!" he said with a playful smirk.

"Your mom means that tux makes you look like not a kid anymore," Bullfrog said with a laugh. "But the good-looking one here is none other than the maid of honor," Bullfrog said as he picked Cece up in his arms from her behind, making her giggle and Eli roll his eyes at his parents.

"Put me down!" Cece giggled as Bullfrog obeyed.

"We're all ready for next weekend then," Cece declared as she looked at her husband and son. "It'll be so fun – I love weddings," she added cheerfully.

"Sure thing," Eli said with a perfect fake smile to his mom before he went back into the changing room and sighed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Clare – this is a serious problem," the English teacher told a very frazzled-looking Clare Edwards as she inspected her newspaper progress.

"It's not! It's just that there's so much to do, and only one of me!" Clare protested.

"Which is why I've taken the liberty to get you some help," the teacher supplied. "Starting tomorrow," she added.

"Oh, thank God. Thank you so much, I promise you we won't be long," Clare said with a relieved sigh.

"I don't mean myself! I don't have time to do students' work, Clare. No, it's not me. But your old English teacher, Sandra Dawes, when she visited a few days ago, she gave me some advice and told me that if there's every any work to be done, I can count on one kid, I've already asked him to help you," the teacher supplied.

"Who?" Clare asked, narrowing her eyes. "Who could possibly know more about the paper than me?" she asked.

"He's not on the paper, but Mrs. Dawes says he can write whatever style I need, it's that little black-haired boy who acts all snarky in my class, he's some literature-type instead. Eli, you know him, he's in your class. He's produced a lot of writing, he can knock out some articles quickly, I bet. Mrs. Dawes made it sound like he's someone I can count on," the teacher supplied.

"Oh God," Clare said, feeling everything around her spin a little. "You asked Eli to help? Eli Goldsworthy?" she asked.

"Yes," the teacher replied with a blank face.

"You told him I needed his help?" Clare squeaked out.

"I told him the paper needs his help. He asked something about how am I serious, you'd never go for it. I told him you need him," the teacher shrugged. "Whatever issues you two have, I don't care if you hate each other, I need this paper out, and if he can help, he's in. You talk to him and set up a work schedule. Sooner than later, Clare," the teacher advised.

"We don't hate each other," Clare said with a deep breath. "We just…haven't worked together in a long time," Clare said discreetly.

"Well, that's about to change," the teacher said. "It's very obvious you need him," she added as she looked at the mostly empty newspaper skeleton.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Mom!" Clare said loudly as she came through her door.

"Yes, sweetheart, what's going on?" Helen said, poking her head out of the kitchen.

"I have to work with Eli for the paper!" Clare exploded, feeling the need to tell someone…anyone.

"Oh, okay. Do you need a ride back to school?" Helen replied nonchalantly.

"What? No!" Clare said, confused at Helen's reaction.

"I have to work with Eli! I…I could use some help with the articles, we only have a week until distribution, and…" Clare then said, taking a deep breath.

"And he can write some of them," Helen supplied as she held out a bowl of fresh fruit to Clare.

"Right," Clare said.

"So…what's the problem?" Helen intelligently asked.

"I…just….I have help?" Clare asked, now confused herself.

"Yeah. You have Eli," Helen said, remembering Eli's achievements.

"Right. I have Eli," Clare said with a thoughtful look on her face.

"Mom?" she then asked.

"Yes?"

"We start tomorrow, afterschool," Clare said as she twirled her spoon thoughtfully.

"That sounds perfect, love," Helen replied. "I will iron your other uniform skirt, if you want," she supplied.

"Sure, that one has such a pretty cut," Clare replied with a thoughtful smile.


	3. Coming Home

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi**

**I'm pretty sure Imogen's dad is blind, judging by what we've seen, and by how embarrassed Eli was when he realized that his question of 'are you sure she's not at home' suggested that Imogen's dad can't see her, so keep that in mind when you read this chapter. **

**The chapter was getting really long so I split it into two. On tumblr I told a reader this is where Eli and Clare talk about why he was saying 'forever' with her, but it will actually be in the next chapter, my apologies. **

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Something special for my girl," Bullfrog justified to his wife in the kitchen as he held out the two tickets, the dialogue catching Eli's attention from his spot at the breakfast table.

"What is this?" Cece asked with a bashful smile as she grabbed the tickets.

"_Dirty Dancing_ at the drive in in the park – that Theatre under the Stars festival," Bullfrog answered as Cece studied the tickets.

"_You_ like Dirty Dancing? Voluntarily suggesting we see it again?" Cece asked playfully, very well knowing the answer to the question, but rather pleased that her husband had surprised her this way.

"I wouldn't exactly say it cracks my Top 5 movies of all time, but _you_ like it, and if you're happy, I'm happy," Bullfrog said with a laugh as Eli looked down at his cereal. "Chance for us to reconnect a little, it's been a while since I've taken my girl out," Bullfrog added, having noticed his wife drifting ever since Eli's therapist had talked to them about the root of their son's bipolar.

"What do you say?" Bullfrog asked. "We don't have to go, just…something special for my girl," he justified again, using the only reason he really knew.

"I love it," Cece replied instantly, flashing Bullfrog a bright smile. "Thank you. Tickets are the best present; they tell me you want to spend time with me. I'd love to go with you," she added sweetly before reaching up and placing a quick peck on her husband's lips.

"Love you," Eli heard his mom say softly as she pulled away. He got up from his seat on the stool and double-checked that he had packed his schoolbag properly.

"Love you too," he then heard Bullfrog reply.

"Eli, I'm gonna leave you money for a pizza tonight then, okay? I'm taking your mom out for dinner and a movie, it's been a while," Bullfrog explained as Eli shot him a quick smirk.

"Sure, dad. Have fun mom," Eli said as he swung his backpack over his shoulder and put his shoes on. Just as he slipped on his leather jacket he heard his phone buzzing, and he saw a new text message from Adam.

_Dude, come over tonight for an Atari tournament. Stay over, it's Friday._

Eli thought for a minute before saying,

"Hey dad – I think I'm gonna go over to Adam's and stay over, okay? He just texted," Eli explained.

"Stay over?" Bullfrog asked with a thoughtful look on his face.

"Yeah, I want to," Eli justified.

"What about – "Bullfrog began asking, but Eli cut him off impatiently.

"I haven't had one in two weeks!" Eli snapped. "Besides, I don't think a nightmare or two is gonna scare Adam," Eli added, calming himself down and feeling a little ashamed of his snap.

"Two weeks isn't all that long," Bullfrog said. "But…that's pretty major progress. You used to have them every night," he added.

"Before the running. If I run right before bed, I'm too tired, remember Dr. Erikson said," Eli said in a low voice.

"You're still gonna run if you go to Adam's?" Bullfrog asked.

"I can," Eli defended himself.

When Bullfrog caught Cece's pleading look, he immeadiately gave in. "All right, kiddo. Here's some money for a pizza for you guys," Bullfrog said, giving Eli a $20 bill from his wallet.

"Thanks dad," Eli said. "Um- I also wanted to tell you –" Eli began, but then cut himself off. He couldn't. Not yet. He wanted to but…but his mom looked so happy as she was studied her special tickets…that Eli just didn't have the heart to.

_They'll worry. Or worse, they'll say I can't do it. And I've already committed. I already told the English teacher I'd help. Oh God, and I have to see Clare at school and figure out if I should even do it. I'm not gonna do it unless Clare wants me to. Really wants me to, not just pretends to want me to. Screw it, I'm not telling them, _Eli decided, his flurry of internal thoughts going a mile a minute.

"What is it baby boy?" Cece asked as she happily told her husband that she's want popcorn and cotton candy at the drive-in that night, apparently 'just like the old days'.

"Um, I'll be coming home late for the next two weeks. I'm helping with this project at school," Eli said.

"What project?" Cece asked nonchalantly.

"The school paper," Eli answered, grateful that his parents had no idea who was in charge of it in Katie's absence. They didn't even know Clare worked on it, and Eli thanked his lucky stars for that.

"I thought you said journalistic writing was boring and restrictive," Bullfrog said with a raised eyebrow.

"It might help to get a few extracurriculars," Eli said, shrugging his shoulders.

"With what? You already got into that hard U of T program you wanted – by the way, that reminds me. We still haven't gone out to celebrate that, Eli, and it happened three weeks ago!" Bullfrog continued.

"Maybe we should do that tonight instead," Cece said.

"No, no, mom," Eli gently said. "Go on your date night with dad tonight. We can celebrate U of T maybe after I finish with the paper. The only reason I'm doing it is because they're in a bind and the English teacher asked me to help. She just warned me that there's so much work to be done that I'll probably have to stay late for the next two weeks," Eli said quickly.

"You sure?" Cece asked.

"Have a fun date night. You guys deserve it," Eli said, and neither of his parents caught the bittersweet look in his eyes as he expressed that thought.

"Eli – if you're taking on this newspaper thing, it'll completely mess with your schedule, and you've worked so hard –" Bullfrog began.

"I'll rearrange my schedule, and I'll still do everything. Doctors', running, the diet – I'm all over it, trust me," Eli defended himself. "I don't want to feel bad anymore than you want me turning crazy, trust me," he then said abruptly.

"Eli," Cece softly said.

"Have fun tonight, okay?" Eli then said with a smirk as he playfully added, "Actually no, have….the time of your lives. Don't make mom sit in the corner, dad," Eli added as his mom smiled at his excellent 'Dirty Dancing' reference.

"Lame joke, sorry," Eli then said with a wince. "See you tomorrow, you'll probably be gone by the time I come home to get a change of clothes before I go to Adam's. Bye," Eli said, and after his parents said goodbye to him, he began the significant walk to Degrassi, inserting his earbuds into his ears and turning the volume up.

It was going to be a hard day, and Eli knew it.

Today would be the day he'd have to talk to Clare Edwards.

He'd have to spend time with her.

He'd have to work with her.

He hoped he wouldn't blow it.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Don't forget your lunch," Helen called out to her daughter.

"Oh, right," Clare said, feeling very dishevelled.

"Settle down Clare," Helen gently said, "I can practically feel the nervous energy coming. Big test?" she tried to guess.

"No, um, just…I'm never gonna get this paper done! Katie's gonna kill me, the English teacher will yell at me, Principal Simpson will be so disappointed, and everyone will think I'm an incompetent fraud!" Clare said as Jake widened his eyes and Helen and mouthed a 'I'll wait in the car' when he saw Clare's stress…he really didn't want to be dragged into it.

Helen nodded and Jake and calmly told Clare, "Oh sweetheart, stop stressing so much".

"You don't get it! There's sooo much to do!" Clare said in exasperation, knowing that the pure fact that there was literally no one she could talk to – even just about the sheer quantity of the work – was the main cause of her stress.

"I thought you said Eli was going to help you," Helen added calmly.

"Oh God, don't remind me," Clare groaned.

"If you don't want him to, just tell him you're fine," Helen said with a shrug. "But…I think maybe you should let him. He's a good writer, right? I'm glad you have someone like that, someone who can write and who will help you whenever he's asked. It's very gentleman-like of him. Let him do some of the work, he obviously wants to help if he agreed," Helen finished.

"I don't even know….how to be around Eli anymore," Clare said, her voice below a whisper.

"Oh sweetheart, your breakup was so long ago now. You've had a whole new relationship since then, a longer one. Surely Eli is just water under the bridge now. Besides, he's almost off at college soon. What's the big deal about working with him then?" Helen asked, intelligently knowing that direct questioning was not the way to go with Clare.

"What?" Clare asked, looking up at her mom with large, worried blue eyes.

"He's almost gone. This is probably the last time you'll even talk to him. Oh Clare," Helen sighed, coming over to give her a warm hug that she felt Clare hang onto a little tighter than she would have a few months ago.

"Let him help you. It's not a crime, you know," Helen said gently, making Clare's expression turn to one of puzzlement.

"Come on, I'll drive you to school, Jake's waiting in my car, his truck is in the shop," Helen then added.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

_OMG best surprise ever - my friend Holly J is in town for the day! I think I'm gonna skip school – can you do me the hugest favour and steam all the dresses for the fashion show? Much love, xoxox Fiona_

"Sure thing," a sleepy Imogen Moreno grumbled back at her phone as she got out of bed and headed downstairs.

_At your order. Just ditch me for your popular ex-president Holly J. I should've known it was too good to be true. Now I can just be your maid – steam the dresses! Doesn't she look so pretty in the greenish blue dress? Look at her pretty eyes! Screw her and her pretty eyes, _Imogen was mumbling under her breath as fresh tears stung her eyes.

When she heard a large bang, she ran down the stairs faster.

"Dad? Dad? Are you okay?" she asked urgently, breathing a huge sigh of relief when she saw a mess of spilt milk and cereal all over the floor, Volta acting as a canine vacuum cleaner.

"I'm sorry darling," Imogen's dad said as he turned in her direction.

"It's okay, daddy, it's okay," Imogen said softly. "Volta, no, you'll get sick, come on, let's go," she said as she pulled Volta away from the mess.

"Daddy sit down at the table, I'll clean up," Imogen said as she pushed her hair out of her face and dragged Volta to her spot behind the doggie gate.

"I can help," her dad insisted.

"No, that's just it, you can't!" Imogen said, a lot more forcefully than she intended to, and regretting her harsh tone as soon as she heard it. When she saw her dad flinch, her heart broke.

"Sorry, daddy, I'm sorry," she said, walking over to him and patiently taking his hand and helping him sit down at the table.

"It's okay honey," her dad said in a soft voice. "I just wish I could help you clean up the mess I made," he added.

"Never mind that, dad. Here's your water," Imogen said, putting her dad's pills in his left hand while his right hand scanned the table. Always from left to right. Always the same sweeping movement. The way he had been taught, she knew. It was logical – start at one end, sweep, and then you're bound to find whatever you're looking for. You don't have to feel around for it. It had been 7 years for Imogen of watching that action, but every now and then, it took her aback. It often never failed to. She remembered when she was little, and how his eyesight was perfect. But then the late nights and detail oriented work took its toll, and slowly but surely, her dad began losing his eyesight. The doctor's couldn't stop it, and finally they stopped trying.

The day his sight was gone for good was the day her mom left. She said she wanted a husband, not a patient. Said she wanted to be a wife, not a caretaker. A little bit of Internet investigation on a 15-year old Imogen's part revealed that she now had a whole new family; married a man with mining money and moved further out east. Imogen never told her dad _that. _

Her dad got Volta and that helped with the streets at least. When Imogen couldn't be there. Crossing the many streets at the university, her dad's students taking his classes to learn from a world-renowned architect, amazed at how he could still draw to scale in perfection. A perfect circle – the arc of his left arm had always been able to produce a perfect circle, something that was the base of many of her own drawings as a little girl.

"Thank you darling," Imogen's dad said as she kissed his cheek and returned to the kitchen mess.

Plagued by guilt, her dad gently said,

"You know Brian and Jane are taking Melissa prom shopping next week," referring to two professors he worked with, who were married and had a daughter Imogen's age. "Jane said she'd love it if you joined them, and then when prom happens, you can go get your hair and all those things girls do with them too," her dad said.

"Oh daddy, that's really nice of them, but I'm going to go with my friend Fiona, remember? She knows all about that stuff," Imogen said, sniffing a little when she wondered if Fiona wouldn't ditch her by prom.

"Right, right," Imogen's dad said. "Immy?" he then asked thoughtfully.

"Yes daddy?" Imogen said as she returned the mop to its proper place.

"I just thought that…I read this article a friend of mine just published, and it just said that teenage girls need their mo-" her dad gently started.

"No, daddy," Imogen said categorically as she walked over to the breakfast table and added, "She left us, remember? I have no desire to talk to her. Ever again," before giving her dad a small side hug. "Fiona promised me we'd get ready for prom together, and besides, daddy, it's still such a long time away now, don't worry about it. But I've got a good friend in Fiona," Imogen said with a fake smile, knowing that her dad might not be able to see it, but that he'd pick up on it if it wasn't there anyway.

"Sometimes it's a good idea to have more than one friend," Imogen's dad gently replied, his tone making Imogen realize that perhaps her dad had picked up on more than she gave him credit for.

"I have Eli too, you've met him," Imogen defended herself.

"Right," her dad said slowly. "That boy Eli…he's your…boyfriend?" Imogen's dad asked, completely awkward while doing so.

"No daddy," Imogen said gently. "He's just my good friend."

"Do you want to…maybe talk about…um, er-boyfriends? You're 17 now, and…I know I haven't really talked to you about boys, or how to act with them, what to do or rather what not to – " Imogen's dad started.

"Daddy, no, I…really don't want to. Please. Trust me, Eli and I…are completely innocent. You don't have to worry about him. Plus, with Eli around, it's like I have a SWAT team if I need it," Imogen said.

"What do you mean?" Imogen's dad asked, confused.

"Eli's insanely protective. Of all his friends. He's had some intense things happen in his life, and he hates bullies. He's got my back at school," Imogen said.

"Oh," her dad replied, all of a sudden sounding very pleased. "Well, if you want to have your friend Eli for dinner and Fiona too, feel free to," he added.

"Sure daddy, maybe one day. You'd like Eli, he's really smart. Such a good friend," Imogen said with a smile.

"Anything exciting on the agenda at school today?" Imogen's dad then asked.

"Um, at lunch I have to make sure to steam some dresses for that fashion show," she replied.

"Oh, you and Fiona have to do that, eh?" Imogen's dad asked.

"Right," Imogen said slowly. "Me and Fiona," she added with a sigh.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"What the hell am I supposed to do? Just walk up to her? Before class? At lunch? Afterschool?" a distraught Eli was asking a newly informed Adam.

"Dude, she's the one that needs your help. Just relax and let her come to you," Adam advised Eli.

"Okay. I can do that," Eli said as he took a breath.

"Hey man, are you sure this is such a good idea? You and Clare working together on this paper? You're freaking out over the tiny detail of how you even start," Adam advised as him and Eli were walking to their lockers.

"I am _not_ freaking out," Eli emphasized, his feelings hurt.

"I didn't mean it like that," Adam said, raising his hands in a defensive gesture. "I meant it in the normal way of a guy who is still totally in love with his ex," Adam said with a laugh, but when Eli froze in the hallway, he regretted his choice of words.

"It's not like that," Eli said in a low voice.

"Sorry," Adam replied.

"I'm just helping because the English teacher asked. She hates me, you know that, I thought it was time to start getting on her good side," Eli argued.

"Right," Adam said, trying to sound as completely convinced as possible, and miserably failing.

"I'm just gonna write an article here and there," Eli added.

"Well God knows Clare could use your help, I've seen her plans, she's got like one page out of ten filled in," Adam said with widened eyes. "Just…be cool, man," Adam said, mustering up all the advice he had left in him for his best friend.

"Yeah, sure thing," Eli said with a smile.

"Eli!" he then heard someone shout, and he turned around to face a sunny Imogen.

"Hey. Oh, here's our poem for Purino's creative assignment," he told Imogen as he pulled it out from the black binder in his back, not aware that Clare had just turned down the hallway and was watching their interaction, a little upset that Imogen seemed to be around Eli like a magnet – she wanted to talk to Eli, and she wasn't about to do it with Imogen around.

"Great – I'm just going to copy it on top of my drawing and then we'll be all good to go," Imogen said. She began reading Eli's work and praised him with an "It's amazing, Eli!"

"Well, it's about that solider in World War II so I figured the whole protecting-the-home-front angle would work," Eli said, making Clare loathe that he was discussing his work with Imogen so…candidly. Watching the two of them mull over the piece gave Clare an unpleasant feeling, and she hated that the piece was too far for her to read while Imogen was touching it!

"I love it, oh my God, it's so good – captures the first person perspective perfectly. I like this part,

'_When all I saw was smoke and fire / I didn't feel a thing / But suddenly I was rising higher / And I felt like I just made the biggest mistake / When I thought about my unborn child / When I thought about my wife / And the answer rang clear / From somewhere up above / No greater gift has man / Than to lay down his life for love / And I wondered, would I give my life? / Could I make that sacrifice? / If it came down to it, could I take the bullet wound? / Yes. I would – for you'_ Imogen finished.

All Clare could think of was that it was so…Eli. Intense. But beautiful.

"Think it works? I wanted to show Purino we read the profile of the soldier – that's why I included the details about his wife and baby, and that stuff about _religion_," Eli said as he playfully widened his eyes.

"It's perfect, Eli, and I'm gonna have the words in red over the image of him in the field with poppies, okay?" Imogen asked.

"I'm sure you'll make it look beautiful, partner," Eli said, faking a tipping-of-his-hat gesture that made Imogen giggle.

The words hit Clare like a sharp sword. They made her VERY glad that soon enough, she'd be working with Eli. She couldn't believe that he referred to Imogen as his partner in regards to academic work – that was NOT Imogen's place.

"Well, good job on the whole _protective_ angle mister – right up your alley," Imogen teased Eli before she skipped down the hallway, leaving him behind as he rolled his eyes.

The sight was too much for Clare; the entire conversation had made her infuriated, and when Imogen skipped right by her, she looked her right in the eyes and said,

"That's not helping him, you know," in a sharp tone.

"Excuse me?" Imogen asked, shooting Clare a cold look.

"I know you think you're helping him, but you're only enabling him. You're his worst enabler with encouraging all that 'protective' stuff. Worst thing you could do to him," Clare said with a shake of her curls.

"Unbelievable," Imogen said as she looked Clare right in the eyes. "Don't you tell me how to act with Eli," Imogen then added.

"You're not helping him," Clare repeated categorically.

"Oh, what do you know about it? Not everything Eli does or feels relates to the fact he's bipolar, I learned that one the hard way, you know. That protective nature is just that – his nature. Never going to change. Just the way he is. Don't try to lecture me on bipolar. I guarantee you I know more about it than you. At least I'm trying to understand," Imogen sharply said, and thinking that the few lines of dialogue with Clare had already wasted enough time, she quickly left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Three hours later, Eli was eating his lunch by himself in the cafeteria, trying desperately to get lost in his Hemingway novel and eat all the food that he was supposed to, but he kept finding that his thoughts were drifting to the thought that Clare had had numerous chances to approach him throughout the school day and did not. It was only leading to once logical conclusion in Eli's mind: she didn't want to. That English teacher had forced him upon her, and she was uncomfortable, and probably scared.

Eli hated this entire situation, but he had no clue what to do about it, so he chose to take Adam's advice and just play it cool. He rationalized that Clare just would not approach him and then this whole nightmare could be over. Eli wanted nothing more than to finish the rest of the school day now. He felt tears stinging his eyes at the thought of how pathetic he had been – visualizing himself and Clare working on the paper together and using that as some type of closure that he knew he desperately still needed. He was in a position to help her here, and he would have loved to be granted it – to do her one favour and then he could maybe feel 1/100 less awful about everything than he currently did.

Instead, he now only felt more terrible. He had scared her again, probably. She was probably terrified that he'd be forcing himself onto her for the paper work and he wanted to tell her he had no plans of doing any such thing, but that would mean walking up to her and starting a conversation, and if she saw him, she's have that cold look in her eyes, and if there was one thing Eli knew his heart couldn't take right now, it was that look.

So he hid behind his Hemingway novel, thinking about how embarrassed and disappointed in him the manly, war-hero Hemingway would be if he could see.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Imogen finished the sandwich that she had made for herself this morning and put away her lunchbox in her bag. She looked around the empty drama room, sighed, and began steaming each expensive fashion show dress individually, careful not to set the steamer too high and damage the gorgeous creations.

When her phone buzzed and Fiona's name flashed across it, she felt her heart leap with joy. This must be Fiona calling to say that she had had enough catch-up time with Holly J now, and that she was coming back to school now! Even the dull job of steaming these dresses instantly looked better to Imogen at that thought.

"Fiona!" she said into her phone, practically bursting with excitement.

"Hey Imogen! I can't talk long, but I just wanted to make sure that for the greenish bluish dress – the one Clare's gonna be wearing – you need to use the lowest possible setting for the steamer, okay? Oh, and if you could re-pin it using the new pins, that would be great. And when were you going to get the backdrop from that funky art gallery?" Fiona asked, all at once.

"What?" Imogen said, sounding completely disappointed and deflated.

"Oh my God, did you seriously miss everything I just said?" Fiona asked, shocked. Imogen could hear another girl's voice in the background, telling Fiona to 'hurry up already!'

"Oh no no, I got it. Don't worry about it. I'll go get the backdrop after school today," Imogen replied, not reminding Fiona that she had originally promised that they could do that together.

"Perfect. Hey, listen, thanks for doing all of this, I really appreciate it," Fiona said. "I have to run now, though. See you tomorrow at school," Fiona said, and before Imogen could even reply, she heard the click of the line disconnecting.

"You're welcome," Imogen said to herself as she tossed her phone away and returned to steaming.

One by one, she did all of the dresses, but she couldn't help the stinging tears when she got to the greenish bluish dress. She began undoing the pins, and she accidentally inserted one into her finger and released a sharp "Ouch!" just as the door opened, and Imogen quickly turned around so Eli couldn't see her tears.

She had never let him see her cry, and she was sure not about to start now.

"Hey, Armstrong cancelled gym next class, wanted to see if you wanted to go to the Dot and maybe work on our Purino project? My treat. Thought I mind find you in here," Eli was saying, oblivious to why Imogen had turned around.

Imogen just shook her head in response to his question.

"Aw come on," Eli playfully said.

"I don't want to," Imogen insisted, but the quiver of her voice that she could completely not control gave her away at once.

Eli silently gasped and quickly turned around and moved her hands away from her face, revealing red cheeks that let him know she had been crying immediately.

"Woah," he said gently. "What's wrong? What happened? Who do I have to beat up?" he asked, happy that his last question was able to get a giggle out of Imogen.

"Nothing, really nothing," she insisted.

"Liar," Eli playfully accused her.

"I have a lot of dresses to finish," Imogen said, returning back to pinning Clare's dress.

"Where's Fiona?" Eli asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Off with Holly J," Imogen bitterly said.

"Okay, well do the dresses tomorrow, whatever, screw it for now," Eli said nonchalantly.

"No, I have to do them, I have to do them," Imogen frantically said, once again puncturing her finger with another pin.

When Eli gently took her hands away from the dress and finally realized whose dress it was, he began to clue in.

"Imogen," he said gently, "Let the damn dresses be. You don't have to do anything. Let's go get a coffee," he pushed.

"I have to do this!" Imogen frantically said.

"No you don't," Eli repeated.

"Let go of me, Eli, I have to fix the damn blue dress! Don't you get it? This is all that matters!" Imogen said in frustration.

"It's just a dress, it's not worth getting upset over!" Eli tried to reason with her.

"Funny you should say that, yesterday both you and Fiona were fawning all over how good this dress looked on a certain girl. You were practically drooling," Imogen shot.

When Eli let go of her hands and didn't meet her eyes, Imogen was afraid that she had hurt him.

"I'm sorry…I-" she began saying.

"We need to talk," Eli said, determination in his voice.

"What?" she asked.

"I need you to know something," Eli said. "When I dated you, I dated you for you. I…I'm not sure what's-the thing is-" Eli stumbled.

"You'll always love her, I knew that Eli, I always did. And…you don't have to feel bad. It just wasn't there with us," Imogen said.

"I was over her when we started dating. I wish I could keep my feelings completely in control at seeing her now, trust me, I really do, and I'm sorry about how I reacted yesterday. I…only walked in here by accident," Eli said.

"You don't have to apologize. It's just that…Fiona completely ignores me!" Imogen exploded, and Eli was relieved to hear that this was the real problem, and not something to do with him.

"Fiona really cares about you," Eli said, speaking from the heart.

"Well sometimes she has a real funny way of showing it," Imogen said.

"Hey," Eli said gently, walking towards Imogen and handing her a tissue. "I bet after one whole day of not seeing you, Fiona will miss you so much, first thing she's gonna do is give you a huge hug," Eli comforted Imogen.

"But until then…" he said with a smirk, "I want you to put this dress away," Eli said, and he acted on his own words, hanging up Clare's dress.

"And I want you to…show me your dress," Eli then continued.

"No one cares about that one, forget it," Imogen said with determination.

"_I _care," Eli replied, looking Imogen right in the eye. "_I _want to see it. Please," he all but pleaded.

"Eli, no," Imogen insisted.

"You'll make me so sad if you don't show me," Eli replied, masterfully shooting Imogen a look he had perfected in conversation with Cece since the age of three; the look that always got him exactly what he wanted.

"Eli-" Imogen began.

"Dress," Eli simply said.

"Well, all right then!" Imogen gave in, and ten minutes later, Eli was flashing her a smirk as she made her way out of the change room.

"Beautiful," Eli declared her at once, pulling her over to the mirror. "I love it – kind of a rocker look, so cool. No one could pull this off but you, love these little metallic straps," he praised Imogen's black shiny dress and boots.

"It's pretty simple," Imogen replied shyly.

"Oh, that's where you're wrong – it's worn by you, so it's simplicity is beautifully balanced by your complexity – nothing you wear could ever be simple," Eli said with a friendly smile as he picked up a nearby red leather belt and swooped it around Imogen's waist.

"But you should wear it with this, give it some more edge," Eli declared as Imogen fixed the belt around her waist.

"I like it, the red looks so good," she said shyly as she studied her reflection in the mirror.

"It's beautiful. You light up the dress," Eli complimented. "And you know who's gonna love it?" Eli asked.

"Who?" Imogen replied.

"Fiona," Eli said with a smirk. He then added, "And as for whatever _guy_ is gonna be your partner in this thing – I think I'd like to talk to him first," Eli said as he crossed his arms next to Imogen, the reflection showing an amused, but slightly confused girl and a very determined boy.

"What? Why?" Imogen asked.

"Oh, no reason really," Eli said as he scrunched up his face humorously, "I'd just like to tell him that if he dares to get _any_ idea to try _any_ type of funny business," Eli said, elongating the words and making Imogen blush, "he should know that I have a shovel and a shotgun. Just wanna tell him I doubt anyone would miss him," Eli said with a playful shake of his head as Imogen widened her eyes and gave Eli's bicep a little slap right before he broke out in laughter.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Imogen!" Eli and Imogen heard as they were walking outside the steps of Degrassi at the end of the school day, Imogen a bit happier due to Eli's efforts to cheer her up, and Eli – on the inside – just as torn up about Clare's mystery act as ever.

"Well, if it isn't Fiona," Eli said with humour in his voice, and Imogen knew he was dying to say 'I told you so' instead.

"Hey," Imogen said quietly.

"Oh my God, I missed you so much," Fiona said as she wrapped her friend in a huge hug, and this time, Imogen did catch a glimpse of Eli mouthing "I told you so," being no longer able to contain himself.

"I'm sorry I left you alone with all that steaming, I only realized now what an awful friend I am. But I want you to meet Holly J, and I want us to all go to the movies and dinner together – and catch that Dirty Dancing feature at the drive-in!" Fiona said enthusiastically.

"So this is the famous Imogen I've heard so much about," Imogen heard a cheery red-haired girl say, a girl she recognized from Holly J's days of Degrassi leadership.

"Heard so much about?" Imogen said with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course! My entire day with Fiona today has been pretty much a running monologue of all the ways that you are so awesome," Holly J said ostentatiously, causing a yelp to come from Fiona, intended as a signal to not share any more of the information that Fiona had privileged Holly J to, and thereby saying too much about the extent of Fiona's feelings for Imogen.

"Really?" Imogen said, sounding surprised.

"Yes, now come on, off to the movies we go, you heard Fiona," Holly J said, also giving a little wave to Eli, somewhat recognizing him as the kid who wrote that play that Fiona worked on last year.

Eli returned a confused wave in Holly J's direction just as Adam caught up with the group.

"If you see my parents making out at the drive-in, please, feel no need to inform me later," Eli said with a roll of his eyes, eliciting a burst of giggles from Fiona and Imogen, who had both met Eli's parents and were familiar with their young-at-heart ways.

"Have a fun Atari tournament night," Imogen called out to Adam and Eli as she was walking away, and Eli was happy to see such a bright smile on her face and to know that she would be spending the rest of the day with Fiona and Fiona's friend. It seemed to make Imogen very happy, which in turn also put a smile on Eli's face.

"Okay," Adam then declared after the others left, "go do your newspaper thing and then text me, and my mom will come get you," he said.

"Gotta go home and get my sleeping stuff first," Eli said.

"My mom will drive you to your house first, I'm sure," Adam said with a shrug, as he very well knew that to Mrs. Torres who wasn't privy to Eli's more…risky adventures, only saw him as a faithful and protective friend to Adam, something Mrs. Torres appropriately judged her son to need.

"Cool," Eli said as Adam watched him tightly grasp the strap of his backpack.

"Want me to go with you to find Clare?" Adam asked with a roll of his eyes.

"Um, no you don't have to," Eli said, but his eyes were screaming something else.

"Nah, I want to, come on," Adam replied, being the outstanding friend that he was.

"I think we should maybe just go to your house now," Eli then said.

"You're gonna ditch Clare after you promised her you'd help?" Adam asked.

"No, I just – she hasn't come to find me all day. I don't think she really wants me to help," Eli said sadly.

"Dude, trust me, I've seen how much – or how little I should say, she's got. Truth of the matter is she needs you, there's a reason the teacher said so in the first place," Adam supplied.

"I did promise," Eli contributed.

"Back to Degrassi on a Friday afternoon we go," Adam said sarcastically as he opened the door for Eli.

Just as they were making their way down towards the newspaper office, the boys stopped right in front of Eli's locker when they saw Clare there.

The sight of Clare Edwards leaning against his locker, her pretty curls framing her radiant eyes almost made Eli do a double take. He couldn't believe she was…there.

"Hey," she said softly, with a little exhale of the kind that always made Eli want to kiss her.

"Hey," Eli replied, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"And hey to you, and to you too, and hello, and how are you, and so on," Adam said with a groan and a roll of his eyes, shoving Eli a little and saying, "Um, Clare, Eli's sleeping over at my house tonight and I want to have an Atari tournament, so just start your thing already so you can finish, enough with the 'heys'," Adam instructed, his brusqueness taking Clare aback and making Eli widen his eyes.

"Text me when you're done man," Adam added, and then he turned around and just like that, Eli was facing Clare.

"Eli, I just wanted-"

"Clare, if you-"

"Um, you can go first," Eli awkwardly fumbled as he shifted his weight from one foot to another again.

"I just wanted to say thank you. For helping me with this. I would have understood if you said no, you know," Clare said shyly, casting her look at the floor. That gesture on her part made her look…so sad, and instantly broke Eli's heart and made a soft gentleness enter his tone.

"Of course, Clare, I want to help," Eli said slowly.

"Why?" Clare burst out, not meaning it to be accusatory, but the speed and volume of her inquiry making it sound so.

"Um, er-" Eli stumbled, thinking that there it was – he was coming off as suffocating to her again – "university applications. I um, it'll look good on them," Eli scrambled.

"Oh. Of course," Clare said, but Eli was shocked to hear….disappointment in her voice. Dejection?

But what did she want him to say? Was there another acceptable answer than the one that he had just given? He surely couldn't think of one, so he reasoned that worse things could have happened.

"Do you want to get a coffee or something before we start?" Eli offered, wanting to cheer Clare up a little, but then thinking that was the worst thing he could have asked. Too date-like.

"I think maybe we should just start, there's so much to do," Clare replied, and Eli wanted to kick himself. Of course she'd say that.

"Whatever you say, boss," Eli then said with a smirk, hiding his hurt feelings, and Clare rewarded him with a small smile when she heard him use humour.

"It's just this way," she said, gesturing past the double doors.

Eli stepped forward and opened both of them for her, making Clare's heart feel a little heavy. Eli had always been such a gentleman when it came to these things. Clare couldn't remember if Jake had opened a door for her. Ever.

"I, er, read up a little on journalistic writing. I think get it," Eli said. "Subject-verb-object style. Never use the passive. No compound sentences, no compound-complex sentences. Keep it short and simple. No flowery language," Eli recited from his lectures as he took a seat at the small round table in the office of the Degrassi Daily.

"Wow," Clare replied, not wanting to share that she had never read those things herself. It was clear that Eli was taking this seriously.

"No being wordy," Eli then recited, but the memory associated with that word made both of them sad for a second.

"So press girl," Eli then said, wanting to brighten things up a bit and choosing to refer to Clare the way that Superman referred to his Lois Lane, not sure if Clare would make that connection, "bring me up to speed here. I know pretty much nothing about the Degrassi Daily, but I'll do my best and do whatever you need," Eli said, placing his hands on his thighs as he devoted his full attention to Clare.

His last thought made her heart hurt a little – 'I'll do my best and do whatever you need' because Clare realized that…they captured Eli in a nutshell, and sitting at that little table, looking up at her as if she was the only thing in the world as she rummaged through Katie's desk, Clare found that realization hit her like a wave. Those lines captured Eli's essence, and she knew it. He had offered them so casually, too, which only made her feel a sharper pain.

"I…I'll explain it to you," Clare said, and she pulled out Katie's binder containing previous layouts.

Eli leafed through it for a while and nodded, looking up to say, "I get it. She has the page layout according to topic – front page news, A2 and A3 continuances, an op-ed piece that runs opposite of the 'upcoming events' section, sports and music opposite of each other, color photography pages making up the centrefold. Should be pretty easy, I'm thinking we can run with this Edwards," Eli said, employing his nickname for Clare before he knew what he was doing.

When she looked up at the use of that word, Eli shot her a "um, sorry. Old habit. Promise I won't do it again," with a perfect smirk.

"No, it's…it's okay. You can do it. I…I miss it," Clare admitted.

Eli broke out into a soft smile and said nothing more.

"Why don't you show me what you've got so far?" Eli then asked. "Light table?" he suggested, and Clare walked over to it, spread out the articles she had so far – all two of them.

"I don't know how to use this," she admitted, embarrassed.

"Oh, usually there's a switch on the bottom," Eli said as he furrowed his eyebrows and groped under the table. Clare soon heard a switch and the entire table lit up, allowing her to place the newspaper framing pieces of paper as a base, and the two articles she had on top, clearly letting her and Eli see how they fit onto the page.

"Perfect," Eli said as he stood a respectful distance away from Clare along the light table.

"I can't believe you found it just like that! I have been looking for that for ages!" Clare exclaimed.

"I've got the magic touch, you see," Eli said with a smug smirk, and Clare loved him in that moment. It didn't matter that his hair was a little different, neatly trimmed, that his hands were Sharpie-less…that line, right there, was her Eli and she knew it.

"Okay, so these articles fit nicely," Eli said, carefully lining up their edges perfectly. "How about you bring me the rest?" he asked.

"That's all of them," Clare said in a small voice, turning away from Eli.

"Oh," Eli said as he drummed his fingers along the table. Now he understood why everyone was saying Clare was in such a bind – because she really was.

When she turned around again and Eli saw the look of complete panic on her face, he immediately offered a,

"Clare don't worry, we got this," and the use of the plural pronoun made Clare feel better than anything had since the beginning of her newspaper assignment.

"Eli, there's so much though! And we've only got a week and a half left," Clare said, sheer fear in her entire body. "If I don't finish, Katie, the English teacher, Simpson – they'll all kill me! I will have failed miserably, I'll be off newspaper, everyone will think I'm just a- " Clare enumerated in a panic, placing her hand on the light table for support as she felt herself getting dizzy.

"Woah, woah, easy does it," Eli said as he moved his hand closer to Clare's, wanting to gently take hers and comfort her so, but stopping himself when he was just millimeters away.

The motion didn't leave Clare wondering. She was able to read his intentions – and why he stopped – right away.

"Clare, look at me," Eli softly told her, and their proximity left her able to take in a pine-y scent. Eli had always smelled so good, she let herself think for a minute.

"You can do this. We can do this. A week and a half is plenty of time," Eli said soothingly. "Heck, we're swimming in time. We just need a plan," he said reassuringly. "Every huge task always gets done in little ones. To get to where you want to go, you always just need to put one foot in front of the other. That's all we have to do here," Eli gently told her, saying all the of the perfect words that Clare needed to hear.

"Just put one foot in front of the other?" Clare said softly as she leaned against the table and her blue eyes collided with Eli's.

"Exactly," Eli said gently. "Just um…I just need to know one thing first," he said.

"Anything," Clare replied, being very grateful that Eli would take the time out to help her like this.

"This is um, you and me working together. And…before we do, I just want to tell you that there's a lot we can get done via email and stuff, so you know we…you don't always have to be here with me," Eli said, wanting to make it clear that he had not signed up for this just to force himself upon Clare.

"Oh," Clare said, feeling those words like a bullet through her heart. She had already found herself thinking that Eli and her hadn't even started the day's work, and she found herself happy that she didn't have to worry about him leaving any time soon, and here he was already talking about it.

"But…it's still gonna take time in here, in this room, just the two of us. I need to know that…Clare," Eli stumbled, "when you watched that trial," Eli began, and Clare narrowed her eyes at that sharp turn in the conversation, "you said…you said you learned about abusive boyfriends and…I just wanted to know if…Clare, I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry I put you through everything that I did," Eli said, his green eyes shining at her with a light film of wetness in them. "I need to know if you're okay with me working like this with you…if you think I….sometimes I think I kissed you when you didn't want me to, or I put my arm around you when you didn't want me to, and I have this bad habit of pulling people by their arm, like where their elbow is, I try to be gentle, but…I'm just thinking that…maybe I did those things to you and-" Eli was saying before Clare stopped him.

"Eli, I don't think you abused me," Clare said slowly and clearly, because she could tell that Eli needed this. "And you never did any of those things. You never forced a kiss or a touch on me, so don't say that," Clare said in a loud tone of voice.

She heard Eli exhale. He was that worried and that subsequently relieved; that she heard him exhale. It was only then that she noticed his hands shaking.

"Okay," he said in a small voice. "That's good. That's really, really good," he said, more to himself than to anyone else. When he turned around, Clare suspected that it had something to do with the fact that that film of tears had turned too large for him to control.

"I'm just gonna go get a drink of water," Eli said in a raspy voice as Clare saw his shaky hand leave the light table.

"I have a water bottle," she said in a soft voice, wanting Eli to turn around.

"It's okay, um, it's okay," Eli repeated as he left the newspaper office and quickly walked down to the Vitamin Water machine, took some change out of his pocket and bought a pink one and triple berry one, his hands shaking the entire time.

He leaned against the vending machine for a minute, regulating his breathing the way his doctor had told him to.

He was glad he had done it; asked that. He had to know if she was scared of him, and he had to know before they spend any time working together. He couldn't be in the same room with her if she was scared the whole time.

_It's okay. You're okay. Now go back in there before she figures out you almost had a freak-out_, Eli told himself.

"Um, got you a Vitamin Water," Eli said once he was back in the newspaper office, noting how fast the school cleared out on Friday afternoons – he judged that Principal Simpson was the only person left besides him and Clare.

"Oh, you didn't have to do that. But I love the pink one," Clare said with a delighted giggle. "So I'm glad you did," she added as she took it from Eli's hand, her pink nails catching his eye as her soft hand touched his for a minute.

"I know, you like the kiwi taste, right?" Eli asked absentmindedly as he took a seat on the couch in the room, and Clare's heart soared when she realized that after all this time, after all of the things that had happened between the two of them…Eli still remembered, and acted upon, such small details as the type of Vitamin water that she liked. She knew it was absurd, but she wanted to burst into tears right then and there.

"Right," she said as she boldly took a seat next to Eli on the couch.

"Okay, let's make a plan," Eli said as Clare saw him pull out a tiny black Moleskin planner – that was something new, she figured. Eli had never been one for writing down deadlines and such.

When she saw Eli open it, she reasoned that she knew why.

There were _many_ things squeezed in each day, all in Eli's tiny, perfectly-slanted black handwriting. God, she had missed that handwriting – it was a smart person's writing, and she knew it.

She tried to be discreet, but Eli completely caught onto the fact that she was reading his planner.

Clare caught the words 'run, Dr. E., reception, run, school, homework, test, paper, paper, test, run, timing time, Dr. E' at a glance, and she hated that it made no sense to her.

"So, um, when do you want to work on the paper?" she asked shyly. Sitting this close, Eli could smell her flowery perfume; her head was at his shoulder level and he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arm around her and pull her in for a kiss.

But he knew he had lost that right a long time ago.

"My schedule is pretty flexible," Eli said with a smirk. "The only time I can't do is Thursdays between 6 and 8," he added, and he knew that he couldn't get out the words to explain why. He had no problem referencing his shrink to his parents, even to his friends lately. But there was just something about Clare that…no, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"But the rest of the time, just tell me when you need me and I'll be here," Eli said, volunteering his help just as easily as before, and Clare had to pretend to move her curls out of her face so she could regain her composure.

_This boy would do anything for you. Look at him – how easy he volunteers to do whatever you want. He's standing right in front of you clearing his entire schedule, _Clare thought with a heavy heart, not even realizing what that meant when it was applied to Eli, for whom schedules and routine had a more important significance than your average teenager.

"I really think it'll have to be like – every day afterschool," Clare said shyly.

"Okay, yeah, I can do that," Eli replied at once.

"But…your planner looks jam packed all ready," Clare burst out.

"Nothing that can't be moved around," Eli replied with a reassuring smirk, reaching for a piece of paper from a nearby desk.

"Okay, so let's make a list of all the articles we still need, all the stuff that comes after the writing, and give ourselves…um let's say 2 days for gluing the master copy, printing and stapling. It'll only take one day really, but that way we can have one emergency day," Eli explained with flawless logic, the way he was taking leadership impressing Clare. Right now, she was feeling more scatterbrained than ever before.

"That sounds perfect," Clare praised.

"These are all the articles I plan on including," she explained, holding out a list to Eli.

"Great, so this will bring us up to…3 pages. Just need five more," Eli said, and Clare loved that he sounded optimistic, and not panicked…perhaps the more logical response, and she knew it.

"I know," she offered.

"Okay, well what do you want me write on? I could do the op-ed, that's more my style. To start with anyway, I'll write on more stuff obviously," Eli replied.

"Do you think you could do one on the threatened teacher's strike for the end of the year?" Clare asked.

"Sure, of course. Get some quotes from the teacher's union, Dawes works high up at the school board now, I'm sure we can use her as a source, ask Simpson – sure, I can get that together," Eli said, and Clare felt the urge to leap across and hug Eli at seeing how…willing he was to get something done. It took all her strength not to do so; everyone else, even the people on newspaper…it was like, pulling teeth, getting them to actually get something done.

"That sounds amazing," Clare said honestly.

"Sweet, then it's a go," Eli declared with a smirk. "I'll also do this music review piece, that'll be easy, I can do a book review as well unless you want to do that one," Eli offered.

"I haven't been reading lots easily," Clare admitted with red cheeks. "You do it".

"Sure," Eli accepted. "I can also do this article on the proposed renovation to the auditorium, and then…what else, what else," Eli said thoughtfully. "We'll need more articles," he added.

"You're already doing so much," Clare pointed out.

"Yeah, but they're like 300 words. Really short. Do you want a piece on provincial exams? They're thinking of making taking three mandatory, starting in your year, I get to breeze by thank God," Eli said with a smirk.

"That would be awesome," Clare replied. "But we'll still have so much space left," she said sadly.

"Not necessarily. Why don't we get Fiona to do a piece on fashion? Or even the fashion show? She'd be all for it, I bet. She could include some pictures, it'll take up some room. Oh – and speaking of pictures, let's get Imogen to take a few of the football game, that way sports can be two pages. We could even get her to do an athlete of the month, she could take a picture of Drew or something and get a quote from him on why he likes playing sports or something and voila – two more pages filled in," Eli said with a smirk.

"They would do that? They would help?" Clare asked.

"Of course they would. No doubt about it," Eli declared without a doubt, and Clare was really happy to hear that at least they now had all the contents for the paper, but a part of her hurt because…she realized how close Eli was with two new friends that she knew nothing about. He counted on them completely, without a shroud of hesitancy, and Clare couldn't help but be envious of that.

"That's good," she said softly.

"Okay, press girl," Eli said gently. "Now we just need deadlines and a plan for editing and photocopying," Eli said, and Clare sat by his side as he laid out a plan using tiny arrows in his little black planner.

This all…came so naturally to him, she realized. She had struggled with it on her own for so long, but now that Eli was here and they could talk it out together…Clare felt that they were….unstoppable.

She moved a little closer to Eli on the pretense of having to see his planner better, but really she just wanted the comfort of the heat radiating from his body. She just wanted the comfort of being close to him.

"Okay, that look good?" Eli asked thoughtfully as he handed her the planner that he had written all the details in.

"It looks perfect," Clare praised.

"Eli?" she then softly asked.

"Yeah?" Eli replied, feeling Clare rest her head on his shoulder and freezing up a bit at that before his entire body gently relaxed. Clare felt the trembling of his body for a second and only moved her hair to the side, which tickled Eli's neck a little bit, a feeling he loved.

"It feels really good to not be alone in all of this," Clare said as she closed her eyes, her voice just above a whisper.

"I'm right here," Eli said in a soft tone, his voice warm and patient as he leaned back on the couch and Clare did so as well, keeping her head on his shoulder. "I'll help you, okay? Remember, all long trips happen the same way. Just one step at a time. I'm not gonna leave you alone with all of this work," Eli vowed.

"I'm not going anywhere," he added in a whisper as he saw Clare's closed eyes.


	4. Wildwood Flower

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

**Clare and Eli listen to a song in this chapter, and to better understand their conversation on it, you should too, so check out .com and you can find it there!**

**Not the super emotional chapter yet, it's taking longer to get there than I originally thought!**

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"How was your newspaper meeting sweetheart?" Helen gently asked Clare at the dinner table, startling her out of her own thoughts.

Clare looked down at her plate before softly looking up at her mom and replying,

"I feel a little better about the timing now. I'm not so scared anymore. I think we can finish it all. We, um, have a plan," Clare answered shyly.

Her response earned a happy smile from Helen and indifference from the boys around the table, none of whom were aware of Clare's newfound partnership with Eli.

"That's great to hear, Clare. You were so worried I was afraid you might make yourself sick," Helen allowed her. "I'm glad you have some reliable help," she added with a thoughtful glance Clare's way.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Eli returned home to an empty house, which surprised him a bit, as he didn't know where his parents were.

_It's Friday. Maybe dad took mom on a date again,_ he thought to himself as he went up to his room to change. He laid on his bed for a few minutes, and when he heard the downstairs door open he rushed down the stairs, because as much as he tried to fight the fear, he couldn't help being paralyzed with thoughts of…what if something had happened to his parents?

He let out a relieved exhale when he heard his mom's soft voice and he enthusiastically headed down the stairs even more quickly, but reverted his steps for just a second when he saw that his mom was not with his dad, but with someone who Eli hadn't seen since the age of 10.

"Oh, Eli! Oh my God, look at you!" he then heard, and his cheeks flushed crimson at the assault of estrogen. They were even carrying pink frilly bags and little rolls of lacey-like material that told Eli right away what they were doing.

"Aunt Linda, hi," Eli then said, adding a "Hey mom," as Cece gave him a warm look. Eli wished he hadn't changed upstairs, thinking it would probably be more appropriate to see his aunt again when he was wearing jeans and his school shirt, not black sweats and a shirt that he always wore for running.

"Look at you, Eli!" His aunt, who had the same merry heart of his sister, said enthusiastically again. "Wow, you don't look like a boy at all anymore," Linda said, an evaluation which pleased Eli. "You look so grown-up," she praised him.

"Err, thanks, I guess," Eli said, his embarrassment growing in light of the girly attack he was undergoing. "Um, where's dad mom?" Eli then asked, wanting to ally himself with Bullfrog while the girls would obviously be dedicating themselves to wedding business.

"He had a meeting at work, he'll be home a little late. You aunt and I are going to do some wedding preparations, but we have no intention of roping you into them," Cece said with a giggle.

"So you can wipe off the worried look, Eli," Linda added with full-blown laughter as Eli rolled his eyes at the girls.

"It's nice to see you again," Eli then said, more relaxed. "I'm really happy for you, with the wedding," Eli contributed.

"Thanks, Eli! Actually, I have a question for you," Linda said. "Matt and I wanted to know if you would write our wedding vows for us," Linda began, but Eli caught his mom's worried look.

"Linda," Cece began, "I told you not to ask him until-" Cece began, but Eli surprised her by cutting her off.

"Sure," he said with a shrug. "But I don't really know anything about how long they're supposed to be, I'll give you a draft or something and you can use them or toss them, okay?" Eli replied with a nonchalant shrug that rather caught Cece by surprise. Cece hadn't exactly been on board with Eli doing this, because she just thought he should be giving his heart a little bit of a break, and writing vows – the most explicit form of commitment possible – was the last possible thing Eli should be doing in her opinion. But upon seeing his reaction to the request, she was just surprised.

"Oh, I'm so proud of all your writing success, Eli," Linda said, "And you know Matt and I are not exactly word people. We just thought it would be a nice way for you to be involved, your mom and dad are in the wedding and this way you can be too," Linda enthusiastically said.

Upon seeing her excitement and the way she was practically glowing with happiness – and Eli knew this must have been because she was getting married next week – Eli resolved to just suck it up and write the damn things; his aunt had been so happy just talking about them that he figured he shouldn't kill that.

"I'm gonna go for a run," Eli then declared.

"I didn't know you like running! You were never one for sports when you were little," Linda said, surprised.

"I just got into it recently," Eli replied with a sad look, and he gave Cece a look that his mom knew meant 'Don't tell her'. Cece wondered for how much longer she couldn't talk to her sister about things, because she really wanted to, now that Linda would be moving back to Toronto.

"Okay, baby boy," Cece said kindly. "Aren't you hungry? You just got in from school, right? Helping with the newspaper?" she asked.

"I'm okay," Eli said.

"Hmm," Cece said thoughtfully. "You're a little backed up with your schedule now, I see, because of this newspaper thing," she remarked.

"I can handle it," Eli replied, his entire demeanour changing as he clenched his fists as he abruptly said those words.

When he saw his aunt's face completely change upon seeing his little loss of control, all he wanted to do was get out of the house.

_Good job idiot. It took you all of five minutes to make someone who doesn't know about the bipolar wonder what's wrong with you. Yeah, I'm really improving. _

"Well, off you go then. Be back in an hour for dinner, I think Bullfrog will be back by then," Cece said, breaking the silence.

Eli listened to his mother's orders perfectly that evening, wanting to make up for his earlier outburst.

XXXXXXXXX

"Dad?" Eli asked the next morning, as him and Bullfrog were sitting in the kitchen by themselves at 11am on a Sunday. Linda had left after dinner, but Eli had been quiet and withdrawn the entire night, desperately trying to work on the story Mrs. Dawes had wanted him to write for the competition and of course, coming up with nothing. The competition's theme of 'love and music' was one Eli couldn't connect with; and he knew that Mrs. Dawes expected him to.

When she had told him about it, she had judged that 'it screams you, Eli!' but he just couldn't find the words. All he could think of was that song Clare liked, the one she had called 'spring-like' and he definitely didn't want to write about it. That was the last thing he needed, he judged, for Clare to find that story and never speak to him again. Eli judged that she didn't like it when he wrote about her – that was yet another thing he had misjudged in their time together, he now reasoned.

Bullfrog for one, not privy to his son's newspaper adventures – a carefully calculated move on Eli's part – only picked up on Eli's emotional distress because he employed the term 'dad' and not 'Bullfrog', signaling to Bullfrog that Eli wanted to talk about something serious, something that Bullfrog couldn't use humour to get through.

"What's up kiddo?" Bullfrog gently said.

"It's 11 o'clock," Eli remarked.

"So?" Bullfrog asked.

"It's 11 o'clock and mom is still in bed," Eli said slowly. "And," he added, "she's been doing this…well, she did this before just a few days ago, after your drive-in date," Eli remarked.

"Kiddo, she's just tired," Bullfrog said as he got up from the table to get some coffee.

"And she…she says about ten words to me each day, only about meals," Eli pushed.

"She's fine, Eli. Nothing to worry about," Bullfrog said as he moved over to the sink.

"Don't lie to me, dad," Eli then deadpanned, gripping a fork tightly.

"Listen, Eli, if your mom's tired, she's tired," Bullfrog said, reaching the end of his rope rather quickly. "She's allowed. Especially after a date night, we got in late, if you want me to tell you what we did the night you slept over at Adam's, I thought you had more common sense than-" Bullfrog said, exasperated.

"Oh god, gross!" Eli replied, scrunching up his face, shaking his head, and covering his face with his hands in embarrassment. "I'm so outta here," he said, and immediately booked it out of the kitchen because he did not want to continue _that _particular conversation.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yeah, I've got nothing," Eli confessed to Imogen in response to her inquiry about his story as they were walking down the Degrassi hallway.

"Eli, the deadline is in three days!" Imogen shrieked to him.

"I know, I know. I don't think I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna sit this one out," Eli shrugged, rubbing his eyes sleepily. As much as he wanted to deny it to himself, the newspaper was taking a toll on him. All the writing seemed to take him his entire afternoons, and he was only about 2/3 of the way in with the writing – then came all the the layout, of course, the photocopying, and the distribution. No wonder Clare had been so stressed when all by herself with the task, he thought to himself.

"You can't!" Imogen shrieked to him once more. "Eli, write your story," she said gently to him.

"I don't have time," Eli defended himself.

"Well maybe if you didn't spend every waking minute on Clare Edwards' newspaper and did something for yourself," Imogen muttered, but Eli didn't miss her words, and he stopped in the middle of the hallway to flash her a wounded look.

"I'm sorry," Imogen said, sighing deeply. "I just worry about you, that's all," she justified.

"Well don't be. I'm perfectly fine. I haven't missed a thing in my schedule," Eli defended himself.

"Don't hide behind the schedule," Imogen told him at once, calling him out on his favourite coping mechanism. "A schedule is not feelings. How's it going with her anyway?" Imogen asked, supressing the instinct to not roll her eyes at her name.

"_The newspaper _is going fine," Eli said emphatically.

"Glad to hear it – but that's not what I asked," Imogen replied.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Eli said with a shrug. "Clare needed a writer, I fit the bill, and that's all there is to it," he argued.

"Eli, you need to protect yourself around her," Imogen said sternly. "You're doing it again," she cautioned.

"Doing what again?" Eli said, now getting angry.

"Putting everything in your life aside just to please Clare!" Imogen replied. "It doesn't end well for you," she said softly.

Eli just looked at her with a blank face for a moment before breaking out into a compassionate smile.

"I know. Thank you for looking out for me," he said, being as mature as he could muster up.

"So you'll take it easy with the paper? Slowly ease out of it, okay? Don't take on any more tasks, just finish what you've got now, Clare can handle the rest," Imogen encouraged Eli. "Then you can do your own story," she suggested.

"Sure," Eli said, flashing Imogen his most deceiving smirk.

He certainly had no intention of following through on what he had implied.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Don't forget your algebra II assignments are due next Thursday," Coach Armstrong told his grade eleven class as he heard the bell ring.

Clare picked up her bag and headed out the door, feeling her stomach growl but ignoring it as she had so much newspaper things to do at lunch.

She was also rather unhappy that Eli had opted to email all of his writing assignments in over the last two days, which was not what she wanted. She knew that he must be working on them at lunch as well, and she wanted him to work in the newspaper room – the newspaper writing was to be done in there, she sternly told herself. Why was he being so silly? And more importantly, where on Earth did he hide every lunch period? Clare was determined to find out, and she was pretty sure she knew just the place.

When she flung open the door to the drama room and sure enough, saw him at the long table there, an apple in his mouth as he pressed a button on his Macbook, she knew that she was right.

"What are you doing?" she asked, a little grumbily, as her appearance startled Eli and made him drop his apple to the ground.

"5 second rule," he said with a smirk as he wiped it on his Degrassi polo and put it on the table. "Just, um, finishing up that piece on the possible strike. Almost done, boss," he continued, sending Clare a teasing smirk in order to hide that fact that he had just been busted by her.

"I meant in here," Clare said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Um, it's quiet. I'm used to writing in here," Eli justified. "Listening to my dad on the radio, too," Eli added as Clare registered the music in the background.

"You're writing for the newspaper. You should do it in the newspaper room. It's just the way you're supposed to!" Clare said, irritated that Eli was taking this route with her.

"I…um didn't know it mattered," Eli said.

"Oh, please," Clare said with a toss of her curls. "Do you hate me so much that you can't stand being around me for one lunch period? You bring your computer to school just so don't need to use the lab?" she asked, and Eli saw how hurt she sounded and he knew that whether he liked it or not, he had to make things clear – and fast.

"Clare, I don't hate you. I never could. That's not why I write in here," Eli said.

"Then why?" Clare pursued.

"Because! I didn't think you wanted me around!" Eli exploded. "Don't you get it, Clare? _Everything_ I do is to make _you_ happy! You're not the one who asked me to help with this paper thing – that teacher was! So how am I supposed to know if you even want this or if she made you? You asked me to stay out of your way – at the sweat lodge, it was all over your face, loud and clear – 'stay away Eli," he said as he made a gesture with his hands of writing across a billboard.

Eli then continued, "So I just brought my computer to school because I didn't think you'd want me in the newspaper room! Thought that me being in there, day after day – finished this paper isn't a picnic, and you know it – I thought you'd find it _suffocating_," Eli admitted.

When Clare's face softened, he didn't know what to think.

"_That's why_ you don't work in the newspaper room? That's why you hide it out in here?" Clare asked softly.

"I'm not hiding," Eli replied, sounding much like a stubborn five year old.

"Liar," Clare said with a giggle that lightened the mood. "Eli," she then said softly, "I don't think that way. Truth is, I don't know what I would have done without you on the paper. But I would like you to work in the newspaper room…with me. We can listen to Bullfrog's show too…together," she added softly and looked up at him full of doubt but simultaneous hope.

"Whatever you say," Eli then said with a smirk.

When Clare rewarded him with a small smile and she helped him pack up his things so they could move into the drama room, Eli felt his heart soaring.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"But maybe she wants to hang out again, like we did," Eli said, full of hope to a very doubtful-looking Adam.

"Dude, I warned you about this, when you first started the paper thing," Adam said, not wanting to crush Eli's heart - he looked so damn optimistic – but knowing that in the long run, this would be best for Eli.

"What do you mean?" Eli asked.

"I think Clare…won't want to hang out after the paper is done," Adam gently said.

When Eli smirked sadly as he looked at the floor, Adam knew that the thought that he had just voiced has occurred to Eli all on his own before.

"Dude," Adam gently said. "I think Clare is like, really confused. When I was at her house that time with the Tristan disaster," Adam started, "um…she kept pushing for me to look like my date the way Jake would look. It was weird. She wanted me to wear his jacket. I don't think…Clare wants to date you again," Adam said.

"Sorry to rip off the Band-Aid dude, but you need to hear this," he then said, in a small voice.

"Eli?" he then asked, as Eli was being completely unresponsive.

"Wanna play Atari tonight?" was Eli's response, doing absolutely nothing to fool Adam, especially since he immediately got up, opened his locker and hid his face from Adam.

"Thought you were working on that story tonight," Adam said, raising his eyebrow in Eli's direction.

"Not gonna do that story, I don't have any idea for a concept," Eli said, his voice muffled into his locker.

"Thought you said you just got one at lunch," Adam skeptically replied.

"It was a dumb idea," Eli replied, his voice angry, "And I'm not writing about it. Screw the damn competition," Eli added as he slammed his locker door shut.

Adam just looked at his best friend sadly, afraid he knew what Eli's original idea had been.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"And then look, mom, the pictures are going to fit with the football game article and that's it – the last page," Clare was saying proudly and enthusiastically to Helen as she was showing her the schematic that Eli had emailed her.

"Looks like a perfect paper," Helen praised Clare as she looked around her daughter's room. "I'm really glad you seem to be having fun doing the paper now and now just stressing out about it – the whole experience is supposed to be fun, you know," Helen said.

"I was just so scared because there was so much to do and I thought I would never finish," Clare replied.

"But then Eli came," Helen said, wanting to get right to the point of the conversation.

Clare's cheeks turned red at her mom's words, as she squeaked out "Um, Eli has been helping, yes".

"I see he's the one that sent you this plan," Helen said as she scanned Clare's Gmail.

"Um, yes," Clare said, closing her laptop.

"Clare….be gentle with him, okay? Don't encourage things you do not want to start," Helen cautioned.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Clare asked.

"All I'm saying is that for months I did not hear you say Eli's name once, and now all of a sudden he's your partner on this thing – when you are in a crisis, he comes running. Don't encourage this, because it looks to me like he might be trying to get you back," Helen cautioned.

"He's only doing this because it would look good on a college application," Clare said stubbornly.

"Oh, Clare," Helen sighed. "Surely you're not that naïve," she added. "I'm sure Eli's already been admitted to college by now," Helen said.

"No way. Jake hasn't even applied yet, the timelines are still so far away," Clare said.

"Eli's a pretty academic kid, I'm sure he would have gone in with the early admissions," Helen replied. "Clare…I remember Eli very, _very_ distinctly, from the time he came to talk to me about that trip," Helen said, and she noticed a look of irritation enter Clare's eyes at the mention of that little recon mission on Eli's part.

Helen then gently continued, "And…I think that maybe you should just…be clear with him. I don't think you have any intention of getting back together with him, so don't string him along, and I know you don't mean to. But sometimes boys see what they want to see in girls, and this paper thing I'm sure looks to Eli like a partnership," Helen said sadly.

"What do you mean?" Clare asked.

"Clare…I just think you need to be careful. There's two types of boys in the world, you know. Serious and not so serious," Helen said before cautiously adding, "There's…Elis and…and Jakes. And they need to be treated differently," Helen said. "When Eli came to ask me about that trip, did you know he brought his father along?" Helen said.

"He did?" Clare said, surprised.

"Yes. His father answered my question about where you would be staying," Helen replied.

"What? What did he say?" Clare asked.

"He said that you would have shared a room with his wife, Eli's mom. The only acceptable answer, of course," Helen said with a stern look Clare's way.

"Right," Clare said with pink cheeks.

"I don't know, there was just something about it, that whole day. I…told Eli it was up to you, because…I could sort of feel you distancing from Eli before that. I know you wouldn't want to go, but I figure I'd let him try asking you anyway, I didn't really have the heart to say no to him after he orchestrated that whole thing, gotten his father involved and so on. He said some really nice things about you as well, and the boy just looked so eager about that lit convention that it struck me. Never in my life do I think I'll see a high school kid so excited about going to an academic conference, but that's beside the point. Anyway, I…could tell you just didn't like Eli anymore. And then, of course, once I found out that Jake had entered the picture, I knew the Eli chapter was closed forever," Helen said gently.

"What makes you say that?" Clare asked, becoming rather interested in what her mom had to say. She had wanted to talk about this for a long time, and she was very glad that Helen was the one to get it started, keep it going, and be doing most of the talking.

"Because the Elis of the world don't win against the Jakes in high school. They never do," Helen said with a sigh. "Clare, I love Jake as he is my stepson, but that boy is not of the serious type. Do be perfectly honest, I'm very surprised he did not cheat on you," Helen said and Clare gasped.

"Well, he did kiss Alli a few minutes after our first break-up," Clare scoffed.

A look of realization flashed across Helen's face. "Hence the reason Alli has not been around our place in so long," she reasoned as Clare gave her an embarrassed nod.

"Well-" Clare began, but Helen interrupted her.

"Now hang on a minute – your 'first' break-up?" Helen asked, and Clare's heart sunk, knowing she had bee n busted.

Upon seeing the look on Clare's face, Helen sighed and replied, "I want to be mad at you, Clare, for lying to me under my roof this whole time. But I can't, because I am afraid of what you will do. I'm afraid that you will run away and get in God knows what trouble when your father makes you angry as well," Helen said, her eyes stinging as Clare's heart sunk even lower at her mom's retroactively prophetic words.

"I'm sorry," Clare said softly.

"You're still dating him," Helen said.

"No! I swear mom, I'm not! We broke up!" Clare pleaded.

Helen didn't speak for a long time, but when she did, her voice was really soft. "Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. Can I ask why?"

"Just like you said," Clare said with a shrug as she realized that Helen had immediately realized Jake's fatal flaw in Clare's eyes. "he was never serious about me. He didn't technically cheat, but he didn't want a future either. He just wanted here and now," Clare said.

"Not surprised," Helen replied. "Clare, you need to know that most teenage boys are like that. They don't want commitment. And no matter how much you want to believe that they do and that they will show you that, you are only fooling yourself. It will take them decades if they ever even get to that point, you know. I don't want you with a boy who is not serious like that, a boy you have nothing in common with. Know why?" Helen asked.

"Why?" Clare inquired.

"Because you'll come to have sex with them," Helen deadpanned, getting right to the point.

Clare was left speechless. Here was her mom, without any information of what had happened, calling out EVERYTHING that had happened, in the precise order that it had happened in. Was Jake really that…formulaic? Clare couldn't help but think that…maybe her mom knew all about this relationship stuff, and she should listen.

A long time passed before Helen spoke again.

"Clare…is there something I should know?" she said, looking down at Clare's bed.

"No," Clare managed to squeak out.

"Girls make mistakes love, I wouldn't hold it against you. I would just like to make sure you're okay, sex is a really emotional thing…especially your first time…especially if you have to live with the boy after," Helen gently said. "There's no escape".

"We didn't," Clare said quietly.

"And with Eli?" Helen asked, just in case.

"God no, not even close," Clare said, shaking her head at the realization that despite her crazed proposition to Eli, he knew better than her.

"Okay," Helen said, and she placed her hand on top of Clare's. "Is there anything you want to talk about…about sex? You can ask me anything," Helen gently said, and it was all it took for Clare to come undone.

"Why did he reject me?" she whined painfully. "Jake, he…he didn't love me. Why didn't he love me, mom? Did I do something wrong? I'd just like to know what I did wrong," Clare said as her eyes flooded with tears faster than she could control them.

"Oh, sweetheart, come here," Helen said, bringing Clare over to the bed in a hug. "He didn't want forever, Clare, that's why. He knew that if he were to sleep with you, he'd still have to live with you. Had you been any other girl, I think it would have all played out differently. Jake is not a virgin, sweetheart, when Glen returned to Toronto the first thing he had Jake do after a summer at the cabin was take one of those tests to tell if he was…clean," Helen said.

"What? He's not a virgin?" Clare whispered.

"Oh, Clare…Jake's been popular with girls ever since he was seven years old, four years younger than Darcy and hitting on her," Helen said with a tiny giggle.

"Oh God," Clare groaned at the thought of Jake and Darcy, the layers of family ties getting to her.

"Clare look at me," Helen said emphatically. "You didn't do anything wrong. Him leaving you had nothing to do with you. It had to do with Jake, and the kind of boy he is. He's only in it for fun…and I'm guessing with you it was really convenient as well," Helen said gently.

"Clare, you need to date boys who you can see a future with…but they need to be able to do that too. But no boy in highschool thinks like that. Not even in college. Only once they get a little rounder, a little older, and when girls are a little more unresponsive to them do those kinds of boys even entertain the idea of commitment. You need to be making good friends at this age first. Those are the boys that become husband material," Helen said, and her words pierced Clare's heart.

"I was so stupid," Clare whispered.

"Oh, every girl is. The good looking boys who say all the right things…girls never have a change against them. It's like we're programmed to be stupid, I swear," Helen said with a shake of her head. "But don't beat yourself up about it forever, love. You made a mistake. It's over now. You learned a lesson most grown women never do, and you're only 16. It's what you do from here on out that's what matters, Clare," Helen gently said as she pushed Clare's curls out of her teary face, being reminded very much of the way she would push her bangs out of her face when she was little and in tears over something mean that Darcy had done.

"Clare," Helen continued. "I'm glad you're getting back to your old self, you know. Happy to see you involved in this project with the paper," Helen praised her, knowing that an occupation was exactly what Clare needed in order to feel better about herself right now.

"Just don't give Eli any false hope," she also advised. "I can only imagine that it hurt him to see you choose Jake over him," Helen said.

"That's not how it all went down," Clare said stubbornly.

"I know," Helen said, "But I bet it sure feels that way to him," she added in a whisper. "And I am glad he is helping you with the paper. I remember when, after the divorce, I was so scared of taking care of the house by myself. It needs updates, renos, maintenance…and I remember thinking I could never do it all by myself. It's funny how life works sometimes, because the minute Glen came into my life again…it was the first time in such a long time that I no longer felt alone…and I'm talking about more than just the house. I sort of knew that no matter how awful I might have been to him so long ago, he'd always have my back. I could always count on him to be there for me, you know?" Helen said meaningfully as Clare looked at her in a most intense manner.

"It's a really nice newspaper layout, darling. I'm glad it's all coming together so nicely," Helen said to Clare as she gave her a squeeze.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Eli, it's 3 am in the morning. Did you get any sleep at all last night?" a sleepy Bullfrog said to his son, full of worry.

"Dad, what the hell," Eli replied as Bullfrog turned off his lamp and gave him a stern "Go to bed".

"I'm writing a story!" Eli protested. "I'm on a deadline, it's due at 2pm today!"

"You should have started earlier," Bullfrog chastised him, and with that one comment, Eli could not really keep himself together anymore.

But instead of provoking an explosion, like Bullfrog expected to, he provoked a very upset Eli whose shoulders started shaking.

"Just when, dad?" he asked with a few tears. "I don't have time to do anything! Homework, my stupid French presentation, all that newspaper business, not to mention I have no idea how the hell I'm gonna write wedding vows for a man I don't even know and a woman I haven't seen since I was ten. Oh- and guess what? On top of that, I have to run for a mile everyday, track what I eat and when, and write in that damn mood journal like a 13 year old teenage girl! If you have any better idea of when I could have done this, I'm all for it, but it's damn ironic you're telling me to go to bed and you're dressed for work! You out of all people should know you work when you can! If I miss _anything _in my schedule, you and mom – who won't even talk to me- are going to interpret it as a sign that I'm going crazy! All day, every day, all I have is people telling me where I should be and what I should do! You think I don't want to sleep? Of course I do, but if I don't even try to submit something, I will have let Mrs. Dawes down, and I really don't want to let anyone down! Not again," Eli got out between tears.

The sight broke Bullfrog's heart. He couldn't help but think that…Eli was right. A 17 year old kid, in Bullfrog's mind, should be out and about getting into regular teenage trouble, not having such a right schedule as Eli's. Bullfrog was pretty sure that Eli's schedule was not only undoubtedly more intense than the one he had had at 17, but more intense than the one he had now as an adult with a family.

"I know, kiddo, I know," Bullfrog chose to say gently as he squeezed Eli's shoulder affectionately. "But we've gotta stay on top of these things together, like a team, you know? You got a lot left on this story?" Bullfrog asked.

"Just 500 words," Eli said.

"Why don't your wrap up and then sleep for a bit? Go to school at lunch or something, okay? I'll write you a note," Bullfrog said.

"Really? That would be awesome. I just have English and French in the morning, trust me, I can catch up easily in those, doubt I'll even miss much. English is a joke these days without Mrs. Dawes and in French it's just people presenting, I did my presentation on Friday," Eli said.

"Very good then, it's settled," Bullfrog said. "Don't wake your mom when you leave for school, she's sleeping in today," Bullfrog said.

"Is she sick?" Eli asked, full of worry.

"No. She's fine," Bullfrog replied with a sigh.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Where is he?" Clare was asking Adam.

"Here," Adam replied as he rolled his eyes, and showed Clare his phone.

_Dude, I'm gonna skip first two periods, I'm dead tired. Tell Clare I'll be in at lunch so we can finish printing the rest of the articles. _

"He could have texted me too, directly," Clare said, letting out a tiny displeased exhale that would have made Eli want to kiss off her face, but instead made Adam roll his eyes again.

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure the reason he's coming in at all is just so he doesn't have to bail on you. Otherwise he could have turned it into one of his 'Eli days off' aka. skipping the day," Adam said before heading off to Ms. Oh's class impatiently.

"Oh, Clare, you need to find a partner for the fashion show this week. Anyone but Jake, I can't have any jokes about kissing stepsibling in an event I run, you make one drunk mistake and it stays with you forever," Fiona said to her as she waved to Adam and caught Clare nearby as well.

"Great," Clare said with a groan as she turned around and began walking in the direction of her own class.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, tadaa!" Eli said to Clare afterschool as he held up his last article, fresh from the printer. Bullfrog's voice announced a new song in the background, as Eli liked to listen to his dad as he worked.

"Oh, perfect," she replied, taking it from Eli's hands and bringing it over to the light table.

"Okay, now we're done with the writing," Clare said cheerfully. "Just have to do layout".

"One step ahead of you Edwards," Eli said with a mischievous smirk, having already pulled down the thick binders containing past issues.

"We need Imogen's pictures still," Eli said as he reached for his phone. "Good thing the football team won, lets us have a huge article on it, if they lost I doubt that would have worked," Eli said as Clare rewarded him with a giggle, trying not to let the fact that she was watching him text Imogen bother her. Why would it, right? She asked herself.

"Let's start doing this lay out," Eli said, and he eagerly began the first page as Clare headed to her bag for some water. She loved watching Eli work…he just looked so at peace, and it awakened some latent feelings in her that produced such powerful emotions that Clare almost felt that they were a drug she was heightening an addiction to…there were so many chances to sit and watch him work in this newspaper endeavour of theirs that she couldn't help herself. She took a seat on the couch and gave Eli a soft "I need to proof these articles one more time" as an excuse to stay put. Eli didn't register the true meaning behind her words at all.

As the minutes seemed to fly by to Clare, she noticed Eli checking his phone a little neurotically, and although she hated to pronounce this name, she had to ask.

"Imogen's not replying?" she asked, and she saw Eli almost sweating as he replied,

"Yeah, um, I don't know why, she usually replies to me right away," he said, his hands shaking a little.

"I bet she does," Clare muttered under her breath, surprised at her words as soon as they left her mouth.

"Eli?" Clare then asked a few minutes later. "Eli, I'm sure she's fine," she felt the need to say.

"Yeah, uh huh," Eli replied to Clare, but he gripped his phone even tighter.

A bright voice then filled the newspaper room as Imogen said, "I'm here! I have the photos, they came out so good. But oh my God, Eli, I got my letter, my letter from U of T! I got in!" Imogen let out, all in one breath, but all Clare saw was the way that Eli let out a deep breath that he had been holding in for the past half hour.

"I'm so happy," Eli then said, giving Imogen a high-five as Clare watched from the couch.

"What's wrong?" Imogen then said, and Clare hated that she immediately registered Eli's distress.

"Nothing," Eli said.

"Oh, Eli, I'm sorry," Imogen then said, catching on. "I began replying to your text but then my dad called, to let me know the mail came, and I ran home to see, I'm sorry," Imogen gently said, and Clare registered the way she looked Eli right in the eyes and gently apologized, even though Clare could tell that Imogen thought it was no big deal that she had missed the text.

"It's okay, it's okay," Eli said, looking so much more relaxed.

"I'm sorry," she repeated.

"Don't worry about it," Eli said again.

"I won't do it again, I promise," Imogen said.

"Forget it. So amazing about U of T, did you tell your dad yet?" Eli asked.

"Yes! He's so happy!" Imogen said cheerfully. "You got in too, right? To U of T? Early admission back in February, right? To the double major program in creative writing and English Lit, right? You just kept telling me that you hadn't heard back because you didn't want me to worry about myself," Imogen said, catching on immediately.

Eli knew that he had been busted, and that he couldn't lie to Imogen, Clare in the room or no Clare in the room.

"Yeah, I did," he admitted, rubbing his neck uncomfortably with his hand.

"Well congratulations silly! The three of us will have so much fun next year!" Imogen said happily.

"Fiona's in for sure? How'd you manage to convince her U of T's fashion merchandising program is better than NYU's?" Eli asked curiously.

"I didn't even have to! She said she wanted to stay in Toronto because this is where her life is, just like that! Can you believe it?" Imogen asked cheerfully.

"I absolutely can, actually," Eli told Imogen with a playful wink that drove Clare crazy.

"Here are the photos," Imogen said, pulling them out of her back.

Clare watched as she walked over to the light table and giggled.

"Eli, this light table is so dim!" she said, and Clare saw her find the switch at once, as well as another one on the side. As soon as Imogen turned it to the right, the table lit up more brightly, making everything so much easier to see.

"I'll be damned," Eli said with a playful smirk Imogen's way. "How'd you know how to do that?" he asked.

"My dad, obviously. When I was growing up he was always working at his light table, especially at the end there, it was so much easier to see if he turned it all the way up. In the end, that only made everything so much worse that much faster, so don't make it too bright, okay? But not as you had it either, that was too dark," Imogen said, and Clare registered the empathetic look that Eli gave Imogen as she talked about all those things that made no sense to Clare. What about her dad?

"Oh, Clare," Imogen said, startling as she turned, having not noticed her there before.

"Hi," Clare said softly, being struck for the first time ever that…if she ever wanted to be Eli's friend, this now meant she would also have to be friendly to Imogen.

"I'm gonna go now, okay?" Imogen asked Eli softly, and Clare couldn't help but feel that Imogen was kindly doing this to get out of their way.

"Your photos are amazing," Eli replied to Imogen as he let out a low whistle as he studied them.

"Well, I have an exceptional camera – the best model there is," Imogen teased Eli, as Bullfrog had upgraded her camera to its latest model when he had replaced it.

When Eli laughed at Imogen's comment, Clare felt totally lost.

"See you later. Bye Clare," Imogen added shyly, then making her way out of the room.

"Wow. They really are nice. She's a great photographer," Clare had to admit as she came over to the light table and stood next to Eli.

"They'll look perfect next to the sports article," Eli added as he felt Clare getting closer to him. When she touched the same photo that he was, Eli felt his breath quicken so he retreated from the table, making Clare feel a draft of cold air in his absence.

She then began laying out the photos as she wanted them on the page, and when she was finished, she said, "Eli, come here," and she grabbed his arm and pulled him towards her, making Eli lay his arm on the light table and create a crook that Clare placed her body in, not actually touching Eli's arm but standing between the table and Eli's body, that was just behind her as his arm played with the corner of the photo. When he used his other arm to hold the newspaper's frame steady, he had his arms on either side of her, making Clare turn around slowly. Eli was left a little paralyzed at that unexpected action on her part, and when she fully faced him, he had no idea what would happen next.

"What song is this?" Clare asked, hearing a really beautiful melody in the background. "It's so pretty, so different from your dad's usual songs that he plays," Clare said, and Eli could actually feel her breath on his face - she was so close.

"Um, y-yeah, nn-not really his style – it's my mom's song," Eli managed to stumble out.

"Your mom's song?" Clare asked in confusion.

"Every day on his show Bullfrog plays a song that is for her mom, always just one of her favourite songs. I bet at the end of the song, he'll say it's for her, he always does. This is definitely for her, it's 'Wildwood Flower,' classic American song," Eli explained.

"Tell me more," Clare whispered, not wanting the moment to end, and completely confusing Eli.

"That instrument you hear, sounds like a guitar, right?" Eli asked, and Clare nodded in response.

"It's actually this really neat thing called an autoharp; it's like this little square thing with only strings on it. The Carter family mom, people call her Mother Maybelle, she was really progressive lady who basically invented a whole new style of playing it. Sounds so pretty, right? Really feminine, suits the vocals of this song," Eli said.

"More," Clare said really softly again as she looked at Eli with an intensity that took him back.

"Um, there's a theory that all great songwriters come from country music or rock and roll, and for a while there in the 60s, the two really intersected. I bet you've heard people say that the birthplace of rock and roll is Memphis," Eli said, and Clare didn't admit that she never had as he continued, "and Memphis is in Tennessee, not so far from Nashville, home of country. All these guys toured together, wrote music together, and there's a ton of overlap – Johnny Cash touring with Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, and so on," Eli said, and it took Clare aback to register that…Eli was so _interesting_.

She had never asked him about his music knowledge, and it seemed so obvious to her now how much he knew and that…had she asked and tried to understood, he would have loved to explain everything to her. He seemed so knowledgeable to her as he was explaining, and Clare realized that she didn't really know much about music, and definitely nothing about this music history that Eli was sharing with her now.

His voice was soft and low as he continued, shifting his arms just a little, but not moving them from either side of her body, "And this song, 'Wildwood Flower' is an American classic. Practically every female singer has sung it from June Carter to Alison Krauss. But this version here is the one my mom loves, it's Reese Witherspoon," Eli finished, finally with a name that Clare recognized.

"The actress?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah can you believe it? She sounds better than June Carter, Johnny Cash's wife herself. It's amazing. She did for 'Walk the Line,' this amazingly well done movie about Johnny Cash's life. My mom loves it, her favourite musical movie she always says. So I bet my dad's playing this for her, he'll say that, just watch," Eli said, mesmerized by how this up close, Clare's blue eyes were even more striking.

"It's beautiful," Clare said softly. There was something she wanted to do, but she just couldn't bring herself to do, so she instead gave Eli a soft "I'm really tired," which elicited the opposite of what she wanted.

"I'll go now," Eli said, but Clare immediately said, "Don't. Just…I'm tired," she repeated as she leaned closer and she quickly placed her head on Eli's chest, having to hold back a giggle when she could hear his heart pounding. He was just as nervous as her, she realized. She felt one of his hands leave the light table and gently rest on her waist, at a safe, high position that made wish Clare Eli had opted for a little more boldness instead of respectfulness.

When he took her other hand softly and placed it in his own as Clare hid her face in his neck, she could practically feel his body be infused with a smug confidence as he whispered in her ear, "Edwards, if you want to dance, all you gotta do is tell me…tell me that you want it to be with me," making Clare regret her harsh words on a particular night. She wondered if…she were to have made it clear that she wanted Eli to come, and not say 'if you don't like it, don't come," if he would have taken her. After everything that had happened since, the question now looked silly to Clare. She knew that Eli would do whatever she'd ask for.

"I like the song," Clare said shyly, and she was glad that Eli was just gently rocking her as she could hide her face in his neck, because she was sure that it was crab red by this point. Eli smelled so good, she remembered now. Always a fresh, pine-y smell about him.

"It's not the happiest," Eli said in a raspy voice as he gave Clare a little twirl that thrilled her to the core, finally allowing him to register her red face before she sought refuge in his embrace again, hiding her face in the crook of his neck.

Clare had to admit that Eli had a point as she took in the lyrics of the song…

_Oh, I'll twine with my mangles and waving black hair, with the roses so red and the lilies so fair / And the myrtles so bright, with the emerald dew, the pale and the leader, and eyes of pale blue / I will dance, I will sing, and my laugh shall be gay / I will charm every heart, and each ground I will sway/ When I woke from my dreaming my idols were clay, all portion of love had all flown away…_

_Oh, he taught me to love him and promised to love, and to cherish me over all others above / How my heart is now wondering, no misery can tell – he's left me no warming, no words of farewell…_

_Oh, he taught me to love him and called me his flower, that was blooming to cheer him through life's dreary hour/ How I long to see him and regret the dark hour / He's gone and neglected this pale wildwood flower…_

Clare found that Eli was right. It was a beautiful song, and it struck her that she had never heard a song written like this…it was really emotional and really…honest. She could see why Eli liked it, and she wished she had learned more about his knowledge of music when they had been dating. It was really complex, she now realized; she was afraid that in not trying to understand, she had stereotyped his taste in music just like everyone had stereotyped his looks. She realized that Eli had a working knowledge of…all American music, and she knew that his intelligence allowed him to make sense of it in connection to history, and to what was going on in the world. She wanted to know too, she now thought.

"See how she's singing about myrtles and emerald dew? June Carter Cash, who Reese plays in the movie, was this all-American sweetheart – so bubbly and tiny, looked so happy on the surface but had a really hard life. She really liked Southern Gothic literature, and you can really tell in her music – myrtles often mean death and the haunting of a loved one, as does emerald drew, and she's playing with that here because her song is about the loss of love, the death of love. Such a smart lady. Rode in cars with six boys while on tours, liked fishing – all things that a woman couldn't do at that time. Got divorced twice and had to listen to people tell in her face that divorce is an abomination and that they'd never come to her shows again," Eli said as he held Clare a little more tightly at that subject. "Just ignorant people who couldn't recognize beauty and talent when they saw it. And then she finally married Johnny Cash, this total badass who people like to paint as a hellraiser, when in reality he was more of an underdog. They were perfect for each other, although I imagine she was a lot better for him than he was for her, but somehow it all worked," Eli finished just as the song came to an end.

_And the lovely Reese Witherspoon's rendition of 'Wildwood Flower' from the Walk the Line soundtrack is for my wife today…_

Clare heard Bullfrog's say as Eli gave her a smirk as she finally surfaced from his arms, feeling her entire face blazing.

"Eli?" she asked him with a thoughtful look.

"Yeah?" Eli replied, feeling the need for some explanation on what had just happened. He had never felt more lost until now.

"Thank you for being serious," Clare said in a tiny voice.

"Um…you welcome?" Eli asked, even more confused. "Serious about what though?" he asked, sensing the need for a follow-up question.

"Just…serious," Clare replied as they gathered their things to head home.


	5. Lillies So Fair

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Clare was just getting to school when she saw a sight that she never had before. Imogen was…crying, hidden to the side on the steps of Degrassi. Clare felt a wave of awkwardness wash over her at once. She had gotten to school early, and if she were to advance a few more steps she knew that Imogen would undoubtedly see her.

"Imo," she then heard Eli's voice say cheerfully, so she quickly hid behind a car. Whatever was going on, Clare knew her presence would make more awkward. Besides, Clare noticed, Eli was all smirky and happy, so he seemed pretty clueless to her.

"Eli!" Imogen said, surprised, getting up quickly and hiding her face from him. Clare knew it wouldn't work, and sure enough, it didn't.

"Woah," Eli remarked, and Clare gasped to herself when she saw him gently take her arm and turn her around. It looked so odd to Clare to see Eli do that to Imogen. Clare could tell that there were no romantic feelings between the two, but…she still did not like the sight.

"Imo," Eli repeated softly. "What on earth is going on?" Clare heard him ask.

"Nothing," Imogen said.

"Hey come on now, if you have a problem, you come to me!" Eli pleaded with her, and Clare's heart ached a little at hearing him say those words with that conviction. As soon as she felt the sharp pang, she didn't even know why.

"It's stupid," Imogen said.

"Whatever is making you so upset is not stupid. It couldn't be," Eli gently encouraged her, and Clare saw him pulling out a binder from her hands.

"Oh," Eli said, looking relieved, "It's just a bad home economics mark, not the end of the world," he said sweetly.

But then Clare saw him pull out a second paper, and she saw the way he frowned as he read 'Thought girls were supposed to be good at cooking, but I should have known partnering with a freak would lead to this. What kind of a girl are you even?'

"It's stupid," Imogen said, pulling the note away from Eli. "Don't read it," she said, obviously too late, but sincere in her intention to not get Eli involved.

Clare saw Eli's anger right away. "Who is your home ec partner?" was all that he asked.

"No one," Imogen replied.

"Imogen – if you have a problem you come to me," Eli repeated.

"This is not a problem," she persisted.

"Yes it is," Eli argued, "because the girl I know wouldn't give a damn about an idiot being an idiot. Something about this note hurt you," Eli said in a gentle voice, confusing Clare.

"He's right…I don't know how to cook," Imogen said.

"So what? Big deal, you're only 16," Eli said with a scoff.

"But…I think it's something girls know how to do," Imogen said, sounding really sad.

"Yeah," Eli said with a smirk, "When a baby is born, if it gets a pink blanket, that's when they implant the chip that has all the instructions to a cookbook in compact form," Eli sarcastically said, eliciting a giggle out of Imogen that made him feel better. At least she was laughing, and Eli interpreted that as a good sign.

"Imo, come on, this is ridiculous, no one is born knowing how to cook. Now what's this about?" Eli asked.

"As…it's been a long time since it's been just me and my dad," Imogen finally shared with Eli. "My mom….she left when my dad…when he got worse," Imogen said, and Clare's heart sank. Clare wondered what she was talking about. Her dad got worse how?

"When his eyesight practically disappeared, she left," Imogen said. "She told him that she wanted to be a wife, not a nurse. She wanted to be a woman, not a caretaker. I heard her say that to him, you know," Imogen said. "Ever since then, my dad and I either eat out or order in or just make something simple like sandwiches. I've never really wanted to learn how to cook, and my dad always says that he doesn't want me to. He says my job is my classes, not to be his servant, and he says that he doesn't care about me learning how to cook because he says that as long as I study hard, that's what matters, and cooking I can learn later. That's what he says," Imogen quietly told Eli.

Eli, for one, realized what a big gesture it was for Imogen to finally truly share.

"Your dad is right," Eli said at once. "You're so smart," Eli praised her. "Who the hell needs cooking? Unless you like it, of course. I'm sorry some jerk hurt you," Eli said.

"It's okay. I just…got a little sad. And I still have this project to figure out," Imogen said, her voice full of worry.

"And we will," Eli said with a smile that felt so comforting to Imogen.

"Hey freak," Eli then heard someone say as he walked by, and when he looked up to see Jason, a boy who used to be friends with Fitz, he knew right away that he was Imogen's partner. It was all over her body posture – she immediately retreated when she saw him. Seeing her scared like that…it caused a reaction in Eli that he could not control.

"Dumbass, you'd better not be talking to her," Eli said, standing up to face Imogen's aggressor.

When Jason laughed right in Eli's face and a crowd began to gather, Clare felt a nervous energy take over her entire body. Nothing had changed with him! Here he was, getting in another bully war again, as if almost getting stabbed had taught him nothing.

Jason finished his taunting laughter and got closer to Eli in order to ask, "Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do?" in the most provoking tone that Clare had ever heard.

"What am I gonna do," Eli said, drawing out the words sarcastically as Jason pounded the basketball that he was carrying into the ground, over and over.

When Clare saw a slow smirk spread over Eli's face, she did not like where this was going.

"First," Eli began, "I'm gonna call your father," he said in an authoritative tone, his smirk growing and his whole body exuding confidence.

When Eli's response got some laughter from the assembled students, Jason threw the basketball his way only for Eli's rapidly outstretching arm to stop it at once. A hush fell over the crowd at the sight. Eli passed the ball from one of his hands to the other, as the crowd watched in silence.

A now very irritated Jason snarled at Eli, "Give me my ball back…bitch".

"I feel sorry for you," Eli then said.

"You don't know me," Jason fired back.

"Oh," Eli said with a smirk, "But I do – all too well," he added as he twirled the basketball on one finger. Clare was shocked at the sight? Eli could do that basketball trick?

"You're the man," Eli said as he began circling around Jason while still twirling the ball. "Star of the basketball team. Dates the pretty girls – high school is your kingdom. But people," Eli said, addressing the crowd with outstretched hands, "He's a bully. Why? I'd be way too easy to say Jason preys on girls simply because he's a dick," Eli said as more laughter could now be heard.

"Nah," Eli said, elongating the syllable, "No…no…Jason here is much more complex than that. According to leading psychiatrists, Jason's a bully for one of two reasons," Eli said. "One," he began as he bounced the ball, "Like a caveman, Jason's brain is…underdeveloped. Therefore he is unable to use self-control, therefore he acts aggressively. And the second reason – Jason has a small….," Eli said, pausing for effect, "p-pp-parts," Eli finished as everyone burst out in giggles. He then threw Jason's ball back at him and he looked him right in the eye as he said,

"If you ever do as much as _look_ in her direction again, you'll have to deal with me," Eli threatened.

"You're crazy," Jason then spat.

"Wow, real…_original_," Eli said with a smirk. "You leave her alone – you never know _what _a crazy person might do now," Eli said as Clare was shocked yet again. Eli then added, "Always unpredictable. Just apologize to the lady and we can all go on ignoring each other's existence," Eli said.

"Sorry Imogen," Jason said, looking at a frozen Imogen. He then quickly hurried away from the crowd, wanting everything to be over and resolving to stay away from Imogen and Eli both, because…he had heard rumours about Eli, and when combined with Eli's words on unpredictability, he resolved he didn't want to take his chances.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"It's not rising," a worried Imogen said to a very amused Cece.

"We forgot the baking powder," Cece said with a giggle. "Oh dear, I'm afraid I'm not a very good teacher," she then got out in between more giggles. "How about if we buy a pie from Costco and just say we made it? That'll get you an A right?" she teased.

"Oh sweetheart," she then said gently when she noticed that Imogen really was sad. "No one is born knowing this. It takes practice and mistakes," Cece said, her bright laughter making Bullfrog and Eli, who had both retreated to Bullfrog's music room while the cooking was going on, also smile. Particularly Bullfrog, who had spent a lot of time worrying about his wife lately. It was really good to see her usual sunny self emerging.

"I'll never get it," Imogen said.

"Oh, you're giving way too much importance to this whole cooking thing. You should be focused on school. You can always learn later, no need to panic now. I will help you with the class, but don't stress about cooking at 16," Cece wisely advised.

"Let's start over," she gently said to a very grateful Imogen. "This time with the baking powder," she teased. "See? I've been cooking a long time and I still forget," Cece said.

"Thank you for helping me," Imogen said for about the millionth time.

"Oh, please, I should be thanking you – this has been really fun," Cece honestly said.

"What do we do with this one?" Imogen asked, embarrassed, as she held out the pan holding a very unsuccessful pound cake towards Cece.

"Take it out of the pan and put it on a place, the boys will eat it. Eli and his dad will eat anything, trust me," Cece said with a giggle that Imogen then mirrored.

"Do you know," Cece then softly said as she held out a measuring cup to Imogen, "when Eli's dad and I were first married, for that first year…the poor man ate burnt suppers for a year until I got it right. An entire year, I kid you not. Do you know," Cece then said, obviously getting a little more emotional, "that…he asked me for seconds? Every single night. And it wasn't because he was hungry, and it certainly wasn't because the food was good, because it wasn't. He asked me for seconds of burnt suppers for an entire year…just to keep me from tearing up," Cece said, doing what Bullfrog never wanted her to as Imogen looked at her compassionately.

"So don't worry about cooking, love," Cece said kindly, "That's the last thing in life that matters," she said as she gave Imogen a patient smile.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Bye mom," Eli said to Cece as he headed out the door for school, hoping to get a bit of a reaction from her, unlike she had been doing lately. The afternoon she had spent with Imogen had been a rare exception, Bullfrog had now realized. Eli was now at the point where he was completely puzzled about the change he had noticed in his mother, and even more surprised by the fact that Bullfrog seemed to avoid the subject whenever it came up. It scared Eli, and had his parents known that this was happening to him, perhaps they would have been more careful when around him.

"Bye Eli," Cece said softly as she sat at the kitchen table, the sun making her blonde hair seem lighter and brighter.

Eli hesitated as he stepped out, feeling very strange to leave for school while his mom stayed behind at home; for as long as he could remember, it had always been Bullfrog leaving at 3:30am to do the radio show, then his mom would wake him up and head out the door half an hour before him. But these days, she seemed to be leaving for work hours later almost every weekday.

"Are you going to work soon?" Eli asked slowly, wanting his mom to say more, offer more information, do…something. Anything.

"I'm so tired," Cece said softly while looking at Eli and frowning a little.

"Mom?" Eli asked, getting really scared now.

"What is it Eli?" Cece replied.

"You okay?" Eli asked, and it struck Cece how much that question seemed to age him about ten years.

When she saw the look on the face, she knew that there was only one acceptable answer to his question.

"Of course, Eli. I'm fine. Now off you go, have a good day at school. Good luck with that newspaper afterschool again," Cece said, mustering up all the strength in her body to utter those sentences on end.

Eli nodded in agreement, feeling really guilty that he had kept it from his parents as to…who exactly he was working on the newspaper with, but now that it had been so long that he had been working on the paper and had not said anything, the secret had only grown larger and larger, to the point where Eli was too afraid to pop the bubble and judged that the three days left that he had of newspaper work with Clare would be over soon enough. And as soon as he thought of that, a whole new flurry of feelings overtook him. He was sad that his time with her would be over soon, then immediately angry at himself for being sad about that, thinking that surely that must be a sign of no progress on his part. The more he thought about it, the more confused he got, and he didn't want to talk it over with his therapist either, because Eli knew that she talked to his parents on the phone a lot and not everything that he told her was privileged information between a doctor and her patient. That was another thing. Eli hated the word _patient._ He was neither sick nor did he have a lot of patience – he judged – so the word often tasted like metal in his mouth. There was a series of words that did that, Eli thought with a frown. _Crazy. Obsessed. Neurotic. Paranoid. Unstable. Manic. _The last one was the worst, he thought.

However, as he inserted his iPod earbuds into his ears and the sun shone on the busy Toronto street, Eli found that he was happy that he had seen his therapist last night – the day after was the best, because it meant he had a whole entire week of no therapist time now. An entire week where he could try feeling like a normal kid. Eli liked his patient therapist well enough, but the weekly appointment hung like a dark cloud over his entire week, and after it was over, the week looked just as sunny sometimes as the real Toronto sun that was shining down as he was walking. He turned his music up and felt that this would be a good day.

It had to be a good day, because Eli felt like he really needed a win right about now. The dancing moment that he had with Clare he had no idea what to interpret, all the time with her was leaving him more confused than ever, and suffering over his particular thoughts as well. He tried to, but he couldn't stop the thoughts. He couldn't get them to leave his mind. _What if I hadn't been the way I am? What if I didn't have this heart? Or this mind? She would have stayed with me. But what would have happened when Jake would have entered the picture? Would she choose him? I saw the way she looked at him. The way she kissed him. She never kissed me like that. _

"Watch where you're going," Eli then heard, jolting as he ripped his ear buds out of his ears.

"Watch where you're driving. Nice phone," Eli said sarcastically to Dave, who gave him a glare in response.

"Watch your own business," Dave replied, growing even more irritated with Eli.

When Dave saw Eli turn around and look at him angrily, he knew he had set him off.

"Look man, you wanna be an idiot and do stupid things, go right ahead. But do those while driving and it becomes everyone's business. My first girlfriend was hit a drunk driver. Killed instantly," Eli said, surprising himself by being so open. But there was something about the sight of Dave texting and driving that made Eli blurt that out.

"I'm not drunk," Dave scoffed.

"What you're doing – is just as bad. Your eyes are off the road," Eli said.

"Yeah? Pretty sure crashing your hearse on purpose beats everything," Dave spat, and Eli flinched. How the hell did this little kid know about that? Was it really common knowledge?

When Eli saw a tiny body running towards Dave at an energized speed, he figured he knew.

"Uh, Dave?" Alli asked, a little confused to see him talking to Eli out of all people.

"Stop doing that man, it's just as bad as if you were drunk," Eli said in a hoarse voice again, then walked away and took a few deep breaths, telling himself that this day was supposed to be good. Happy.

As he made his way through first block, things got better; history was a work period and Eli snuck his iPod into his ears and just enjoyed working. Fiona shared her Belgian cookies with Eli in that same block, and even though Eli knew he wasn't supposed to eat a lot of sugar….Fiona offered him cookies! He couldn't resist, they looked so good and they weren't like the kind Cece bought, they were so fancy and had all these elegant designs on top – they were white chocolate coated and macademia nut filled – and in the end, they were just as yummy as they looked, so Eli had two when Fiona encouraged him to do so, and regretted nothing in life in that particular moment.

When social studies class was over and he said bye to Fiona, Eli then moved to English where things were off to a promising start when he widened his eyes at the sight of the English teacher carrying novels to class! Could it be? Mrs. Dawes _did_ say that she had talked to the new teacher about how the Advanced English class kids should be reading novels, so….?

"Have a seat everyone," the new teacher told them impatiently.

"Now," she continued, walking to the front of the class slowly, "It's been brought to my attention that some of you do not like the way I have been teaching class," she said, and Eli widened his eyes a little. Now, he had never said that – well, just in Mrs. Dawes ' confidence, but it wasn't as if he had been going around the school complaining. So he was pretty certain that the teacher couldn't mean him and be all passive aggressive at him…right?

"I am not a literature teacher, I am an English language teacher, but of course I like reading and books. We have time to do one novel, and I have selected –"she was saying, as Eli thought that whatever the novel would be – he'd be happy. He'd take anything at this point.

"A novel by Virginia Woolf," she added. Eli thought, _That'll do. A bit too girly for my taste, but she's really sarcastic and smart. I'll definitely take it. This is good. I knew this day was good, things are even looking up in this class._

"Mrs. Dalloway, to be precise," the teacher finished as she passed the texts around. Eli felt happier at just feeling a novel in his hands, and he actually knew a little bit about the book. It was apparently about the day in the life of one woman who wasn't all that fulfilled in her life, but took pleasure in one moment of what Eli thought Mrs. Dawes would have called 'epiphany' – a moment of lucid happiness and realization.

He opened the book – he loved that smell – and flipped through its title page and began reading as the teacher was saying,

"Now, when you read literature, it's important to also know a little bit about the writer. In this case, Virginia Woolf is one of the most famous English modernist writers of all time. She was part of the Bloomsbury group, a forward group of artists and writers who met and consulted each other on their work," the teacher said, enumerating things that Eli already knew.

"But the most important thing for you to know as you read Mrs. Dalloway is about Virginia Woolf's own personal character," the teacher continued, and Eli narrowed his eyes at her.

He was all too afraid he knew where this was going.

"Virginia Woolf battled severe depression all of her life. She saw many doctors yet found no cure. Her husband, Leonard Woolf, himself a writer, always tried to help her. But medical care was not as advanced as it is now, and today it strikes us quite clearly that that she had severe mental health issues," the teacher continued as Eli felt his heart race.

_Please don't talk about this. Don't talk about this. Anything but this,_ Eli thought in a panic as he stared right ahead and did everything possible to not see where Clare was looking. He sure hoped she wasn't looking at him.

"Eli," he then heard the teacher's voice say potently. As the whole class then turned to look at him, Eli knew that Clare would be included in that group whether or not he liked it.

"Care to read for us?" the teacher asked, and Eli realized that he had zoned out, and didn't even pass the handouts that had made their way to his desk. He scrambled to do so, but when he saw what the handout was, he froze.

It didn't help that out of the corner of his eye, he could see Clare look….nervous. Maybe even scared.

He wanted to give Fiona a hug when he heard her girlish voice pipe up and say, "I'll read, Miss, I want to".

When the teacher replied, "No, Eli can do it," Eli was certain that he had been wrong. She did have it in for him, and Eli wondered if the actual content of the note had been intentional or if just the picking on him to read it was her form of twisted revenge for the words that he had said to Mrs. Dawes. Eli thought it was probably too much to think that, and that she only meant for the reading as a way of getting back at him, but the words on that note completely paralyzed him.

When he realized that he was making Clare – and the entire class –uncomfortable through his silence, he knew he had to read. He hid his shaking hands in his pockets and stared only at the words as he painstakingly made his way through the note, voice raspy, head leaned in close to his desk and breath irregular.

He began by reading the words on the handout that the teacher had typed – knowing that the quotation that was the main point of the handout would not be far off.

"This is…" Eli began, having to stop for a second before starting again. "This is…the suicide note that Virginia Woolf left to her husband Leonard Woolf. On the 28th of 1941, Woolf put on her overcoat, filled its pockets with stones, and walked into the River Ouse near her home and drowned herself. In the last piece of writing of her life, she wrote to her husband…she wrote…" Eli stumbled as other students in the class heard the story of Virginia Woolf's tragic end for the very first time.

"Miss, I can read," Fiona's persistent voice came through once again.

"He's got it," the teacher said, piping Fiona down.

Eli gave the teacher a cruel stare, being angry and hurt that she was doing this to him. He had never missed Mrs. Dawes as much as he missed her in that moment. He exhaled deeply, not catching the heartbroken and compassionate look that Clare was trying to convey his way because he did not want to look at her.

"She wrote…" Eli said in a raspy voice,

"_Dearest, _

_I feel certain that_…that," Eli stuttered, and everyone in the class, used to him reading smoothly and knowing that he was the best writer in the class, looked at him a little surprised, save those who understood why this was the last thing he should be reading. "_…that I am going mad again,_" Eli deadpanned.

"_I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time,_" Eli said, and when his voice trembled, Fiona prayed that someone would put an end to this soon. It was cruel torture, and Fiona was so angry and hurt for her own personal reasons that she had a vision of the English teacher sitting down at a table with Principal Simpson and a very angry lawyer Sherman who had helped her through her trial…telling the English teacher she'd be fired.

Eli exhaled and continued, "_I begin to…to…to,"_ he stumbled, sounding so exhausted when he finished, "_…to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I'm doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be,_" Eli said, and Fiona heard his voice tremble.

When Eli painstakingly read, "_I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came,_" and his voice did break, Fiona wanted to explode while Clare felt a film of tears invade her eyes.

Eli exhaled and inhaled again as the whole class sat in a trance and the English teacher who had been indeed mad at Eli but had not purposely chosen this and who actually had not received the memo on Eli's condition wondered why the entire class seemed to be on pins and needles and why Eli was so emotional reading this.

She saw…he was tearing up now as he stubbornly continued,

"_I can't fight it any longer. I know that…"_ Eli stumbled, mustering his strength before being able to get out, "_I know…I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You have been all that anyone could be; more than I could ever ask for. Everyone knows it; everyone has seen it," _Eli read, his voice quiet and trembling.

"_You see…I can't…I can't.."_ Eli hesitated, horror invading his eyes for the first time as he continued, "_You see, I can't even write this properly. I can't…I can't read,"_ he finished, trying to hold his tears back because he was afraid that soon enough he couldn't see the words because of the writing and then everyone would know that he was crying.

"_What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that – everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been," _Eli finally finished, and his shoulders shook powerfully as he quietly sobbed.

"Eli," the English teacher softly said, "Are you all right?" she asked, wondering what on Earth had just happened.

Eli just stared at her, the chill in his tearful eyes taking her aback.

"The most important thing about one of the most important writers of all time is that she's crazy," Eli whispered.

"What?" the teacher asked in confusion.

"You…had a chance to teach us _anything_, and you teach us she's crazy," he whispered.

"No," the teacher replied. "Now are you all right?" she softly asked again. "I know it was an emotional piece-" she began, but Eli interrupted her.

"You don't know anything," Eli said stoicly, wiping his eyes quickly, and quickly leaving the class well before the bell.

He didn't catch Clare's sympathetic look as he slipped out of the classroom, but the worried look on Fiona's face as she passed by Clare's desk did register with Clare, who discreetly waited just a few seconds before asking to go to the washroom. Once she was out in the hallway, she saw Fiona leaning against the wall next to the entrance to the boys' washroom and she judged that Eli must have taken refuge in there.

The sight made Clare wish she knew more about Fiona. It was obvious that her and Eli had become really close, and Clare couldn't wrap her mind around that. What did they talk about? Was it the play that brought them together? What was their dynamic like? More importantly, why didn't she know Fiona better? The sight of a worried Fiona waiting for Eli broke Clare's heart. Fiona was…so loyal to Eli, and clearly so worried about him.

When Clare saw her reach for her phone, she wondered if she would maybe call Cece and Bullfrog. The words that Eli had read had also chilled Clare to her very core, but she imagined it couldn't be anything as the torment of hurt they must have caused Eli. All of it had been…so impactful. Clare could tell. She could tell that…for Eli, that letter had been like looking into a mirror and being…scared by the reflection. She could tell that Eli was hurting, but as she hid behind the wall so Fiona would not see her, she was not sure that she should approach him. Everything in her body told her that she couldn't go there again.

No, she decided, she couldn't be around Eli. She just couldn't, she decided. Just then she heard Fiona quietly say into her phone, "Imogen? I need you. Eli needs you". Those words made Clare turn around and decide to stay. What was happening? All of a sudden, Clare no longer felt like leaving. She wanted to watch whatever would be next.

And she discovered that what was next was a very worried Imogen who ran down the hallway and stood really close to Fiona as she asked, "What happened? Is Eli okay?" Clare caught the camaderie between the two girls at once, and it was as if she could almost feel a physical blow when she realized that…Eli had two whole new people in his life now, people she didn't know very well at all. But people who obviously cared about him so.

"What is wrong with that teacher?" Imogen shrieked upon hearing a quick retelling of the events from Fiona.

"Many things," Fiona said with a roll of her eyes. "But I'm more worried about Eli now. But…it's gross in the boys' washroom," Fiona said with an extra squirm to really drive her point home.

"I'll go," Imogen said after a pause. "Clare come out from behind the wall," she then said directly, shocking Clare.

Clare slowly did so, saying "I….I have to go to the washroom," with red cheeks.

When Fiona raised an eyebrow at her, Clare knew that she had been busted.

"Just listen," Imogen said impatiently. "Listen and don't interrupt me. Think you can do that?" Imogen asked.

"What?" Clare asked, confused, and offended by Imogen's direct ways.

"I'm going to walk in there, and Eli will pretend like nothing is wrong. He will say 'I'm fine' and he will turn his face away from me. His hands will probably be shaking, and his shoulders will be hunched. He will be embarrassed. He will say 'I'm okay'. That's when I will say 'I know. I know there's nothing wrong with you'. He won't respond. I will say 'You are just the same as everyone else. You're no different'. It will be a long time, a long and awkward time until his breathing will be regular and when he is more calmed down. When he finally looks at me, I will sit by him and have our shoulders' touching. I might put my hand on his shoulder, but we are only friends so I won't be hugging him, although…he could have that. He could have a hug from…a girlfriend, say. He'll need that contact for a long time – it'll help him with the awareness of his own body. Once he pulls away he will say, in a whisper and with red cheeks because he'll be deathly embarrassed, 'Thank you'. Then we will stand up and quietly walk out of there," Imogen finished.

"Why are you telling me this?" Clare asked.

"Because you need to know. Because no matter what, you will need Eli time and time again, and he will be there for you because he can't help himself. The newspaper won't be the end of the road, and we both know it. Whatever you need, whenever you need, deep down inside you know you always have Eli to turn to. And sometimes things like this are going to happen with him – another example of something he can't help. And you need to know how to handle them. He's helped you with newspaper and will always do so, and I'd like to think that since he helped you you'll extend him the same courtesy," Imogen said potently. "You need to know Clare, and…it's not that hard. All he needs is what I just said. It only takes about 15 minutes. He doesn't ask a lot, Clare," Imogen quietly said.

"How do you know that will even work?" Clare asked as she crossed her arms across her chest.

"It always had in the past," Imogen shrugged. "Plus…when I wanted to be Eli's girlfriend…I researched about bipolar. I wanted to know, so I could do the right thing when I was with him. Turns out that's the last thing Eli wanted – special treatment. But…I wanted to know. I thought I owed it to him to know," Imogen said quietly, and Clare couldn't find any words to say back to her.

"I tried. It didn't work. Eli and I just don't feel that way romantically about each other," Imogen said, moving her gaze to Fiona for a second. "But everything I have read did help me, but not as much as getting to know Eli helped me," Imogen said before she turned around and confidently walked into the boys' washroom.

A few minutes later, when Clare had reached the end of the hallway, leaving after Imogen's talk, she could see the reflection of Eli and Imogen walking side by side, slowly but surely. When she stole a glance at him, she saw that he looked…fine.

He looked okay.

He was fine. It was only about ten minutes later, and…Eli had pulled himself back together.

Clare was shocked.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey Clare," Jake said as he picked her up from school after another successful newspaper editing session between Clare and Eli. "I was thinking of having a barbecue next week, Helen said it would be cool. Just for some of the guys," Jake began as Clare buckled in.

"And I care because….?" She said with a giggle.

"I was gonna ask Eli to come, if that's cool with you," Jake replied, completely surprising Clare.

"What? You and Eli? BFFs?" Clare asked.

"Nah, he's weird man, we won't ever be BFFs. But I just thought since you and him have been spending so much time together I'd include him, you know. I want him to come," Jake said.

"Do whatever you want, Jake," Clare replied, not wanting to read too much into this.

"Oh, I'd do that anyway," Jake teased her.

"Just do me a favour?" Clare said, not enjoying the thought of Eli and Jake spending time together.

"Anything for you, sis," Jake said in a teasingly melodramatic tone.

"Don't…don't tell Eli about…that whole Summer deal," Clare said in a low voice.

"Trust me, almost getting arrested and taken to jail for being on the premises of a grow-op is something I'm trying hard to forget," Jake honestly answered. "I won't be bringing that into conversation….ever," Jake said as he cast Clare an unimpressed look.

"But why are you so adamant that Eli never finds out?" Jake asked suspiciously.

"Because…he'd probably…blame himself," Clare whispered.

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If any dude should be um, a little responsible, pretty sure I was a major contributing factor there," Jake said, a little embarrassed.

"He'd never forgive himself if he found out I was in that danger and he didn't know," Clare then clarified for Jake, her voice just above a whisper as she watched tiny drops of water start falling onto the windshield and windows of the red truck.


	6. Don't Go

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi **

XXXXXXXXX

"Jake, so I got burgers and hot dogs and a few steaks for your boys' barbecue tomorrow," Helen told her step son with a smile as he was helping her unload her car, home from her weekly groceries shopping.

"So awesome, thanks Helen," Jake said with a big smile.

"Now I'd like you to just try out the barbecue, it hasn't been used for a while and I want to make sure that it's safe and all right," Helen instructed as Clare surfaced downstairs and began eating some strawberries that she unloaded from her mom's groceries bag.

Helen gave Clare a smile, thinking she looked so adorable in her pyjamas – she had obviously been sleeping in on this Saturday, and she looked so cute eating the red strawberries without saying anything to anyone.

"Sure thing, I can barbecue for us tonight too if you want," Jake offered, finding that Clare's mom was really easy to get along with.

Helen had been careful to always make thing comfortable and easy for Jake, wanting him to accept her without feeling like she was trying to shove a mother onto him. When it came to Jake, she only did what she knew how to do when it came to a teenage boy; keep him well fed, make his room comfortable, and keep his clothes clean and ironed so he could have everything he needed. Glen took care of all other support, doing many things for Jake that Helen judged only dads could do for teenage boys.

"That would be lovely, Jake, thank you. You can do these steaks," Helen said, showing them to Jake.

"Yum," Jake replied, registering that this way, he'd get to have barbecued meats two days in a row.

"I'll make a nice Greek salad to go with them, and we have chocolate mousse for dessert," Helen thought outloud as Clare reached for a final strawberry.

"How many boys are coming, Jake? Glen and I will be sure to stay out of your way, but I'd just like to know," Helen asked.

"Um, let's see," Jake thought as he sat down next to Clare and counted using his fingers, "We've got Mo, and then there's Drew and Owen, and I think Dave's coming with them too, and Julian, and then there's Eli," Jake said, elongating that last name as he looked at Clare, whose eyes had widened in the mean time.

"You're inviting Eli?" Helen said with a raised eyebrow. "I didn't know you two were friends," she added.

"We're not. Eli's weird," Jake made sure to quickly say.

"He is rather different," Helen said sternly, not liking that Jake was heading towards something that to her like seemed to look a lot like a bullying scheme. It made no sense that Jake was inviting Eli to her, and the last thing she wanted was for her house to be the place for the humiliation of a teenager.

"But we're cool," Jake replied instantly, seeing the look of displeasure that had found its way onto Helen's face. "I just thought it might be a good idea to invite him since he's been spending all that time with Clare lately helping her with the paper," Jake justified.

"Oh. Well, that's very nice of you Jake. I'm happy to see you wanting to include Eli. Including people is what anyone should do, not excluding them," Helen said, seeing the opportunity to impart some wisdom on the teens, and having been taught that as a mother, her duty was to always seize upon such opportunities.

"Well," Helen then said, "Has he said yes?" she asked curiously. "Eli, I mean. Did he agree to come here?" she added, imagining that that couldn't be really easy for Eli…coming to Clare's home after all this time only to have Jake here too, and to come to Jake's event as opposed to coming to be with Clare as Helen often remembered him doing during those dark divorce days.

She got a sudden impactful reminder of the many times when she'd call Clare to tell her that she'd be home late; she had opted to staying at work longer just because she knew Randall would be home late and she didn't want to be sitting around in his absence. And all of a sudden, in this moment, Helen remembered Clare picking up the phone so many times and saying that it was all right, that Eli was taking her for dinner, sometimes with his parents, sometimes not – and Helen remembered chastising Clare and telling her that unless she was going for dinner with Eli AND his parents, she wouldn't be allowed to have him home when she was not there. It all seemed a little silly now to Helen, who had realized that Eli was a serious boy who had not been looking to fool Clare into anything, and especially silly in light of the fact that a few days ago, Clare had told her she had fully intended to sleep with Jake – and Helen that she had been just a step away, only thanks to Jake's more sound judgement. She exhaled deeply as she let those thoughts go and repeated her question, "Is Eli coming then?"

"I forgot to ask him when I picked up Clare yesterday," Jake answered with a frown.

"Well, do it now," Helen said, extending the phone receiver to Jake. "I want to make sure he comes, I'd like to be able to do something as a thank-you from Clare to him. He's been spending so much time away from his own studies just to help her," Helen remarked, and Clare looked up at her mom with a worried face.

"Now don't give me that look Clare, he likes helping you," Helen said gently. "But the least we can do is make sure that boy gets a proper meal, God knows what he eats with those parents of his," Helen said with a shake of her head.

"I'll call him then," Jake said. "I don't have his number I don't think, though. Clare?" Jake said, turning to her full of expectation.

"Erased it out of my phone," Clare said in a small voice. "For the paper work, I would just tell him when to come and he was always there earlier than I'd tell him," Clare said meekly as Helen nodded. Clare felt very strange to be on the outside of these plans, and she found that being on the outside was a feeling she did not like. Not at all.

"Well, so much for that plan," Helen sighed. "You two, he's a classmate and neither of you has his number," Helen said, not sounding very impressed. When she pulled out her own phone, Clare stared in shock.

"You have his number?" she all but yelled.

"I have his father's," Helen said with a shrug. "What?" she asked potently. "I got it from Eli one day when he was waiting for you on the house steps," she explained.

"Why?" Clare burst out.

"Because he was a teenage boy taking out my back-then completely-infatuated-with-him teenage daughter, of course. He understood, he gave it over right away," Helen said.

"I can't believe this!" Clare replied.

"Settle down, Clare, I just saved Jake's barbecue," Helen teased.

"Thanks Helen," Jake joined in, loving to see Clare squirm. "I'll call him right now," Jake said, and he did so.

Twenty blocks away, the phone rang in a very quiet house containing only one very frustrated teenager.

When Eli glanced at the caller ID on his home phone, he felt his heart race.

"Clare? Are you all right? Where are you, I'll come get you! Where are you?" Eli burst out, being completely unaware that he was on speaker phone.

When Helen heard his reaction, she couldn't help but feel that…Clare should…_be with Eli_. She wondered how he was doing these days, if he was any better. Helen was very aware that Clare loathed Eli's over-protectiveness, but as a mother, she couldn't love anything more than the way Eli watched Clare like a U.S. Marine watched his assignments. It gave her peace of mind when Clare was out on dates, because she was sure there was no better type of boyfriend for Clare to have in her corner than the Marine type.

"What the hell dude, she's fine. And it's Jake," Helen heard her step son ask, watching the way he rolled his eyes.

"Oh," Eli replied, and Helen heard the surprise in his voice. "Um, what's up Jake?" Eli asked, and it was obvious that he was now not only uncomfortable, but also very surprised.

"Listen man, I'm having a barbecue with some of the guys at my house tomorrow, and I want you to come," Jake said, getting right to the point as Clare's cheeks approached the color of a lobster.

"Er…" Eli said qietly, "Sure," he replied, sounding incredibly confused. "Can I bring anything?" he then asked.

"Nope, be here at 2, Helen bought me everything I need," Jake said with a wink in her direction, but to Eli nothing sounded stranger than hearing Jake talk about Clare's mom.

"Is it cool if my friend Adam comes too? He's a cool guy, you know him," Eli vouched for his best friend.

"Yeah, sure, whatever. See you tomorrow, man," Jake said, hanging up shortly thereafter.

Clare felt incredibly blindsided and uncomfortable with the whole thing, and she wanted to yell at Jake, but she knew that he wouldn't listen to her and he'd just do whatever the hell he wanted at the end of the day. But now the thought of Adam and Eli coming over to her house and…not hanging out with her, just the tree of them like they used to do so many times before, really bothered her.

"So what am I supposed to do when you are having your barbecue, be jailed in my room?" Clare asked.

"No one said that, stop being so dramatic," Jake said, rolling his eyes at his step sister. "Come down and eat with us," he said with a shrug.

"Yeah, because the mealtime conversation jocks Owen and Drew will produce will be so pleasant," Clare protested.

"Then don't. Whatever pleases you, Clare, do whatever you want, just leave me out of it," Jake said, getting exasperated. All he wanted to do was have a fun guys night and Clare was ruining it all!

"Sweetheart, Jake planned this event a while ago. On Sunday you can have a girls' day with all of your girlfriends, it can be your turn. I can go back to the store and buy some spa things, some nail polish, whatever you need," Helen volunteered, wanting to make peace.

"Yeah, Clare," Jake said with a teasing smile, "Why don't you invite _all your girlfriends_ over? You can ask Alli, and Jenna, and everyone!" Jake teased.

"Oh, shut up!" Clare replied. "I don't want a girls' day mom, just forget it," she said, getting up from the table. "Have your stupid barbecue, I could care less," she said, calming herself and selecting the girliest DVD in her collection to put into the player as her form of revenge against Jake. Clare knew that Helen had asked him to fix some of the floorboards, which would relegate him to the living room all afternoon long, and Clare was determined to make him pay.

"I'm watching Twilight in here," she announced.

When Jake groaned in frustration, she couldn't help but giggle.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sorry dude, but if I don't go to my uncle's anniversary party my mom will have my head," Adam said with a shrug to his best friend as they paused their video game.

"Seriously?" Eli asked.

"She'd had it on the calendar for months, and with all of Drew's drama she's been on extra alert lately. She's just waiting for a reason to launch into an hours-long lecture, and damn it, I'm not gonna be the one to be subjected to it. Drew's put her on edge, it has to snowball at him - not me," Adam rationalized.

"Don't worry about it," Eli told his best friend compassionately, "I get it. It's okay. Hope you don't die at that party because it sure sounds SUPER fun," he said sarcastically.

"You still gonna go?" Adam asked carefully.

"I think so, I um, told Jake I was coming and it's tomorrow," Eli reasoned.

"Dude," Adam started gently, "You don't have to do this," he said, putting his controller down.

"Do what? What do you mean?" Eli began, being ready to defend himself.

"Hang out with Jake….to prove to…everyone," Adam said, tactfully avoiding Clare's name, "and…to yourself that you can do it. That you can be as nonchalant as Jake and that you can be his BFF," Adam said, and Eli hated that he had zeroed in on everything so clearly.

"I have no intention of being his BFF," Eli said, sounding a little angry and incredibly defensive.

"You don't have to prove that you're okay like this. Not this way. You don't need to compare yourself to Jake by proving that you can hang out with him," Adam pushed.

"Oh Adam," Eli said with a defensive smirk, "You think I don't know she's already compared me with Jake – and that he won? You don't think I know that?" Eli asked. "This has nothing to do with her," Eli added.

"Sure," Adam said sarcastically. "Dude, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot," Eli replied.

"When…Clare dated Jake literally days after your break-up, did you….did you ever think that maybe…I mean, it all happened so fast that you didn't wonder if –"

"If she started stuff with him before she was done with me for good," Eli said, his tone becoming quiet as he wouldn't meet Adam's eyes.

"Yeah," Adam replied, voicing some long-latent thoughts on his part.

"I guess maybe," Eli said with a shrug. "She's known Jake her whole life I think. I don't blame her if she did gravitate towards him while I was at the height of my…um, while I was messed up," Eli supplied. "Does it suck to think that she might have been doing stuff with him before? Obviously. But, whatever, it doesn't even matter anymore. No matter if he comes in the picture before or after me, she'll always choose him. Math problem solved," Eli said sarcastically.

"Sorry man, I didn't really wanna bring it up, you're the one who's all up about Jake," Adam replied. "Eli, don't do this man. All those guys going are Drew's friends. It'll be the most bonehead conversation ever, you'd hate it," Adam said.

"He invited me. I just want to –" Eli began.

"To prove to yourself that you can handle it," Adam finished, and Eli almost hated that at times, Adam knew him better than he knew himself.

"I wanna go," Eli said quietly, fooling neither himself nor Adam.

"What'll your parents say about you going over to Clare's? What did they say about the newspaper stuff?" Adam asked.

"They don't have to know. They'll just worry," Eli said, hating himself for starting with the secrets…again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Of course Eli, of course you can go to a barbecue at Adam's house tomorrow. Have fun kiddo," Bullfrog told his son as Eli gave him a sheepish grin.

"Now go to bed, it's late," Bullfrog warned him.

Eli did try to fall asleep, but his restless mind had other plans. To calm down a little and to stop his thoughts from racing, Eli thought he'd try to write a little. He had heard nothing from that competition that he had entered at Mrs. Dawes' pleading, and he judged that he had already been cast out of the finalists. So he reasoned that he needed all the practice he could get, especially since he was going to go to U of T next year and enter one of the most exclusive and most difficult double majors in the Faculty of Arts.

So he just wrote whatever came to mind, frowning when he noticed that he only had a page left in his favourtie black writing notebooks. This was the notebook he had started after Clare had committed herself to him with her memorable "then I guess you're stuck with me, just like you said I was stuck with you". He had bought it after that, when he was sure that he had a new start in life. That he had been given a second chance.

And more wrong you're couldn't be, idiot, Eli thought to himself as he leafed through the pages of his own writing. So many hopeful pieces, so many happy pieces…and then came the worry, the panic, the fear that she'd get hurt.

When the one she needed protecting the most from was you, Eli thought as he thought this would be it. The last page. It was only too fitting. So he wrote the closing page to the favourite story of his life with teary eyes. She had closed the book a long time ago, and now he needed to do the same. So what if she had leaned her head on his shoulder that one time? So what if she had even allowed him to have the pleasure of dancing so intimately with her? It didn't mean anything, Eli thought as felt the tears stinging, because another Jake, one who was not her brother, that is who she wanted. Not him. Never him. But he didn't want to end the book with an angry chapter. Not a bitter chapter of a scorned ex-lover. He wanted to be…honest, to write something that would show where he stood at the end of one of the most painful things that he had lived through in his life.

His eyes were so blurry that he wasn't even sure if his writing was coming out straight.

But to him, it made sense. And seeing how this story was only the story of one, no longer one of two, Eli rationalized that it didn't matter.

He titled it "When You Love Someone," because despite his young age and his young heart, that is what he had done.

_When you love someone, you'll do anything. _

_You'll do all the crazy things – ones you can't explain. You'll shoot pictures, but you'll also shoot the moon and put out the sun…all when you love someone. _

_You'll deny the truth; believe a lie. There'll be times when you believe that you can really fly; but your lonely nights have just begun when you love someone. When you love someone, you'll feel it deep inside and nothing else could ever change your mind. _

_When you love someone, you'll sacrifice – give it everything you've got and you won't think twice. You'll risk it all, no matter what may come, when you love someone. You'll shoot the moon, put out the sun – when you love someone. _

That was all Eli could take for the time being, so he ran his fingers across the last page of the book, and he closed it. He opened the drawer that contained all the framed pictures of him and Clare that he no longer felt he had the right to keep out in plain sight in his room, placed the notebook in there, and tried not to cry when he returned to his bed.

He'd be going over to her house, the one she now shared with Jake, a boy Eli thought Clare wasn't over at all. A boy who she lived with, who she had a room next to, who she could do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Helen was rushing through the aisles of Safeway, trying to pick up some potato chips for Jake's barbecue – she had forgotten those yesterday, and his barbecue would start in just an hour – when she had to do a double-take.

Yes, she was pretty sure that was Eli's dad holding the hand of a very pretty woman with the same kind of wedding ring as he had. Helen had never met Eli's mother, but she judged that was who she must be. She looked around, but the boy seemed to be nowhere in sight, so she thought it was just his parents. She didn't really want to say hi, because she had no idea what to say to them, so she just headed in the opposite direction.

But as she picked up some other necessities first, and then went over to the potato chips aisle, she was struck to see Eli's mom just standing in front of some salt and vinegar chips, tearing up. She looked frozen, and Helen saw that she had separated from her husband, and she was just standing and looking at the salt and vinegar chips, slowly reaching out to touch them, but not actually placing them in her shopping cart. It was one of the strangest sights Helen had ever seen, and she was glad that Eli's dad soon returned and obviously was very worried about his wife, who he led out of the store gently as Helen watched in confusion. She wondered if maybe Eli's problems were a little bit genetic, because she had never seen anything that looked so fragile as Eli's mom in that moment. Helen wondered if she was sick, maybe even….really sick.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I brought some barbecued chicken wings and some of these brownies," Eli told Jake uncomfortably as he stood in the doorway.

"Awesome," Jake praised him, "come on in, everyone is around back," Jake told him. "We'll leave these brownies on the table inside though, I assume they're for Clare – they're that kind she's always pestering Helen to get, leave your bag there too," Jake said, and Eli's face flushed red.

"Er, whatever you want," Eli awkwardly answered. He had felt bad bringing nothing to the barbecue for Clare, although he had no idea if she'd be joining. He figured she wouldn't be now, going by what Jake had said. He left his backpack by the couch, feeling weird that he had it with him on a Sunday, but he had been to his therapist's earlier, and he had been at the radio station earning the last little bit of money he needed to finally pay Bullfrog back for Imogen's camera. Eli had felt really free the minute that debt had been paid off, and he hoped that this barbecue would go all right.

A few minutes later, as the boys were all outside by this point, Helen was tidying up the kitchen and she brought the brownies up to Clare's room.

"Yum, thanks for buying these mom," Clare said with a smile.

"I didn't," Helen said. "I think Eli brought them over," she remarked.

"Oh," Clare said, trying to sound casual. "He's here now?" she asked.

"Yes, he brought those with him. He's the only one out of those boys with the manners to bring something," Helen said. "He brought something for Jake too, but I assume those are for you. He knows you like them?" Helen asked.

"Um, I told him a long time ago," Clare said a little sadly.

"I guess he remembered then," Helen potently said. "Well, what are you doing in here?" she asked.

"Just some homework," Clare replied.

"Very well then," Helen said before she left and she went outside.

"Do you have everything you need Jake?" she asked him discreetly, and she noticed how Eli looked right at her. Helen could practically feel how uncomfortable Eli was – all the other boys were sitting around together while Jake was at the barbecue, and he was just awkwardly standing in one spot by himself.

"Everything's great thanks Helen," Jake told her.

"Okay, now two beer maximum please," Helen told Jake sternly, feeling that letting him serve beer was enough of a compromise for her to establish some rules. It was her adult supervision that the boys were under, after all, and Helen felt like two beers was enough of a treat.

Helen began walking away, taking one last look at Eli and wishing that someone would include him – she could feel the second hand embarrassment, and she felt so bad for him – that she was really relieved when she saw that he decided to walk over to Jake and ask if he needed any help. Surely he could at least talk to Jake, because it looked to Helen like Eli didn't really hang out with the other boys too much.

"I think I got it man," Jake replied, not the best for Eli's situation, Helen reasoned.

"How's that paper coming along?" Jake then asked, and Helen was happy that she was engaging Eli in some conversation.

"We're almost done, I think it's come along quite well," Eli said with a smirk.

"Nice. I'm glad you helped Clare, she was totally freaking out over it," Jake said.

"It was too big of a job for one person," Eli replied as Jake gestured for Eli to give him a plate and Eli did so.

"Well, I know Clare will sure be glad once it's over," Jake said with a polite smile, but Eli interpreted those words as they very well could be and thought that Jake had invited him over to send him a message. Clare and I both want you to stay away when the paper is over. Eli felt like a fool for coming over now, wished he had listened to Adam, and wanted so badly to leave but knew he couldn't, because it would look too weird seeing how he just got here.

"Um, yeah, I get it, man," Eli said, confusing Jake.

"Come get food everyone," Jake said instead, not being sure of what Eli meant.

The other boys quickly assaulted the barbecue and loaded their plates as Helen watched the dynamics from inside, curious to see how it would all play out. She noticed that Eli stepped aside and let everyone else go first, and he also looked lost in thought to Helen. She had wished for this to play out well, so she could feel that her family had done something nice to thank Eli for helping Clare with the paper, but now Helen felt like this was a total disaster. Eli had never looked to be more of an outsider than now, and Jake was too preoccupied with his friends to really do anything about it.

When Eli finally got his food- the last to do so- Helen was glad to see Jake turn in his direction, thinking he'd make more of an effort now.

"Here man," Jake said as he took a seat on a nearby chair, the heated outdoor patio being the perfect place for a barbecue, and tossed a beer can into Eli's scrambling hands.

Eli hadn't thought about this. Of course there'd be beer, and he hadn't thought about a smooth way to navigate this situation. Alcohol was out of the question with the meds, and while a year ago he would have loved a beer with a barbecue, it was now a luxury he couldn't afford. When everyone quickly popped them opened and toasted, Eli pretended he had to check his phone, and he eventually put the can back by some unopened ones, hoping no one would notice.

But one person did notice, and it was Helen who had become rather intrigued by watching his every move. She liked that he was the only one not to drink, and she could tell that he didn't want any of the other boys to know.

"These burgers are great," Eli told Jake, wanting to join the conversation.

"Thanks. I love barbecuing, I do it all the time at the cabin," Jake contributed.

"Yeah, your cabin is in a sweet place," Eli said.

"You been up there before?" Jake asked.

"My dad and I go hunting around Melwood sometimes, up in those grounds over there," Eli said.

"No kidding? My dad and I too," Jake said.

"Cool," Eli said, glad he had been able to join in a little bit.

"Jake, dude," Eli then heard Mo say, "over or under 5?" as he grinned.

"For who?" Jake asked.

"Julian and that blonde cheerleader chick," Mo said as Jake flashed Julian a knowing smile.

"Dude, you're never gonna seal the deal in less than 5 days. More like 5 years," Jake teased Julian.

"Oh yeah?" Julian said sarcastically.

Mo then contributed, "Jake knows how to _get get_ girls," he said as he nudged Jake with his elbow.

Inside, Helen was rolling her eyes at the fact that it had taken Jake's friends all of 5 seconds to start talking about his.

"What's the least amount it's taken you?" Drew then said with a laugh.

Jake didn't mean to brag, but his male ego kicked in as he answered, "Well, with the alcohol factor, I've done the same day deal before, at beach parties and stuff," he said.

"No way," Drew said with a laugh, "They just go home with you like that?"

"At the cabin," Jake said with a grin.

"You're the man, Jake," Mo then said, offering him a high five that Jake gladly took.

Eli fell silent throughout the conversation, judging that he really had nothing to contribute here. The guys were obviously talking about how long it took them to bring girls to bed, and Eli was deathly afraid that any minute now Jake would share stories about Clare and Eli was pretty sure that he'd either throw up or freak out at those words, or both. He just looked down at his food and prayed that the guys would change the subject soon. He tried to tune out the conversation, but bits kept creeping in.

"With the boiler room-"

"Dude, a 10 for sure –"

"The way she'd be all-"

"It was _really _fun, but then she got all-"

"I don't know man, but she's smoking-"

"I heard she's with that dude-"

"Won't take you long to get him out of the picture, just get her –"

"Great rack, reminds me of-"

It also didn't help Eli that he was really thirsty, but all he could see was beer, and he didn't want to risk it – it had been spelled out clearly to him that even the tiniest sip would still mean alcohol molecules mixing with his meds, and the last thing Eli figured he needed was some type of unexpected reaction while he was in Clare's home.

"Hey, emo kid," Eli then heard, and in a panic, he looked around for Fitz. No way – but then he realized it was just Owen.

"Dude, cut that out," Jake told Owen with a strict glare.

"Pass the potato salad," Owen told Eli, and he did so as Jake watched them both.

"Who invited that freak?" Owen scoffed under his breath, loud enough so everyone including Helen heard it.

Jake wanted to say "I did" loud and clear, but he was afraid that that would lead the situation to escalate, and he though t that would embarrass Eli, so he just decided to let it go.

For Eli, however, things were only going from bad to worse. It was clear these guys were only interested in talking about girls – and only in that way – and Eli honestly had nothing to contribute to those conversations. He had had plenty of guy talk with Adam and his dad even, but not quite this way, and he was not about to join in with these guys. He had been taught by Bullfrog many years ago not to talk like this, so he just kept eating as an excuse to not meet anyone's eyes.

"Why the hell is he even here," Eli then heard Owen say again, and he slipped away from the back yard a second after, his watch telling him the time. He reasoned that he just had to make it through another half hour to depart at an acceptable time, thank Jake for having him over, and forget this whole thing ever happened.

But for now, it was meds time, and he knew the house well enough to just get in the kitchen quickly, get some water, and get out. He felt his hands slightly shaking as he entered Clare's home, and he was overcome with a deep sadness at how different everything was. She lived with Jake now, and Eli couldn't get that out of his mind. All the things, all the memories they had had in this house were completely erased and replaced with those of Jake in Clare's mind, and Eli knew it. He felt his eyes stinging a little as he passed the childhood pictures of her and as he saw her sweater on the couch. It was all too much for him, so he walked over to the sink and got a glass of water, got the pills out quickly, and just leaned over the sink quickly as he swallowed them. He stayed hunched over the sink like that for a minute, judging that by now there were 28 minutes that he had to stay here left, and telling himself that maybe just one, just one more could be spent here. He didn't want to go back out there.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid, why did you come here," Eli mumbled into his arms as he hid his face over the sink. He took a deep breath and put the pill bottle back in his pocket, zipping it up so that they wouldn't fall out as he moved around that that way everyone would see them, unaware that his painful moment had been witnessed by a deeply saddened Helen who had moved to the hallway as Eli had come in.

She exhaled as she saw him leave and awkwardly sit to the side of all the other boys who were laughing and high-fiving each other over God knows what, Helen thought.

When she saw Jake offer Eli another beer and the way he politely refused saying that he just didn't feel like it, she knew she couldn't take this any longer. It was painful to watch, and she had to put a stop to it. Eli might have been 17, but she only saw him as a child in this moment, a child who was in her home.

She headed up the stairs quickly but quietly, and she saw Clare scramble far away from the window, not wanting her mom to see that she had been spying on the boy's barbecue.

"Hi mom," Clare said with pink cheeks.

"Sweetheart," Helen said slowly. "I was thinking maybe you could head down to the barbecue," Helen said gently. "Give Eli one of these," she said, holding out a Coke can to Clare.

"Does he like Coke?" Helen asked.

"Loves it," Clare replied.

"Well, good, because I noticed he wasn't drinking with the rest of them, he must be thirsty," Helen said. "Maybe you could go down there, talk to him a little. I don't think he's all that close with the other boys, he's not really like them," Helen offered.

"Okay," Clare said at once. "Do I look okay?" she asked, and Helen noticed that she had changed into one of her prettiest slimming red sweaters and a pair of black skinny jeans. She also saw that she had put on nice makeup and sparkly pink lip gloss.

"You look beautiful," Helen praised. "Just talk to him a little, he's not really connecting with anyone else," Helen gently said.

"Okay," Clare said, racing down the steps as Helen smiled knowingly after Clare left the room.

She then looked out her daughter's window to see Clare emerging and Eli looking at her right away. She opened the window to hear what they were saying.

"Hey," Eli said to Clare, surprise and happiness etched all over his face.

"Hey," Clare said, blushing and tipping her head coyly at him.

"You hungry?" Eli asked.

"A little," Clare replied, and Helen watched as Eli turned the barbecue back on just to make Clare a hamburger, and she saw that they started talking about their paperwork easily, continued to do so as Eli fixed her burger up with the exact condiments that Helen knew Clare liked.

It was like the difference between light and day, Helen thought.

His face was so bright now – he was even standing up straighter, and he seemed so much more animated. She saw him and Clare sit together on the steps leading out to the backyard as they ate, and she heard Clare giggle a couple of times, obviously in response to things Eli was saying that Helen couldn't hear from all the way in Clare's room.

She smiled to herself, happy that the Clare intervention was making Eli so happy – it was plain as day how the boy felt, and plain that Clare enjoyed the attention from him, Helen thought with a frown. She really had no idea what was going on through Clare's head, and she now regretted doing what she had – she didn't want to give Eli any illusions, and it was so clear that Eli couldn't really put on the reins when it came to Clare. Just a few minutes of conversation and the boy was head over heels – he just couldn't control himself around her, it became clear to Helen as she looked at them below. She reasoned that she needed a talk with Clare soon – she was worried that Clare hadn't listened to what she had said earlier. There was no reason to create illusions for Eli that would break his heart later, Helen judged as she headed downstairs and began to tidy up the living room.

When she moved a bag out of the way, a bag that was over by the couch, and a Bible fell out of it, she was surprised. Which one of those boys was carrying a Bible with them….and talking about girls that way? Surely the Bible wasn't Eli's, Helen thought as she looked at the black bag it fell out of.

When she gripped the Bible and saw that a piece of paper was holding a bookmark, curiosity overcame her and she flipped there, and read what was written in tiny, perfectly slanted black handwriting on the piece of paper.

They were beautiful, Helen thought. Simply perfect.

"My bag," Helen then heard as she jolted, and she was faced with a confused looking Clare and a panicked Eli who were both looking at her.

"Oh, sorry Eli, this fell out of your bag," Helen said.

"A Bible?" Clare said in surprise. "Oh, Eli," she then said sternly and Helen couldn't help but be surprised. "I can't believe you," Clare said. "I can't believe you're trying this! Worked for Fitz, had to work for you, right?" Clare said, and it was obvious to Helen that she was angry.

"What?" Eli said, obviously confused. "Clare, I have that for other reasons," Eli said.

"Please, enlighten me," Clare said as she folded her hands across her chest.

"My auntie's getting married," Eli said and Helen noticed that he was looking at Clare like he was really hurt. "She asked me to write the vows for the wedding. I had no clue what that entailed, and when I thought wedding I thought a minister always reads out of the Bible, so I thought the original vows were in there, I wanted to use them as a starting point," Eli said, as Helen pulled out the piece of paper again, understanding that it really was Eli's after all.

"Oh," Clare said softly.

"You thought I was trying to manipulate you," Eli said softly, sounding really broken-hearted.

Helen felt the need to intervene.

"Well, they're really beautiful vows, Eli," she praised. "I'm sure it will be a lovely wedding," she said kindly.

When she saw that Eli's red were red, Helen wished she knew what to say to make him feel better, but she sensed that he was upset over whatever Clare had been on about a few minutes ago.

When he didn't reply, Helen gently said, "Here, Clare, take a look, he's not lying to you," she offered.

"Please don't-" Eli began, but Clare took the piece of paper from her mom quickly, still being very suspicious of Eli.

She read out loud, expecting to find Eli's notes on one of his trademark plans.

_My dearest Linda, _

_Writing vows does not come easy for me – you knew when you agreed to marry me that I'm an engineer, I don't have a way with words. I may not be the most eloquent man, but I know what love is. I may not be William Shakespeare who can beautifully say "Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove. O no! It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken". _

_You see, I could never write something like that for you, but I know that my love for you will never be shaken. So I stand here, in front of all our family, friends, and loved ones, and promise…_

_I promise never to take you for granted or utter a word unkind;_

_Never allow my affections to be recanted or leave you behind;_

_To also marvel at your warmth, your wit, your gentle heart;_

_Your wisdom, your laugh, the way you stand apart;_

_I promise to never leave you alone when you're scared, hurt, or confused, _

_And to never leave your heart the slightest bruised. _

_All I want to do is take care of you. _

_To be your best friend for the rest of my life and to thank the God we're not sure about for fooling you into being my wife. _

Clare exhaled when she finished reading, overcome with emotion for her cruelty and invasion of Eli's privacy.

She looked to her mom, pleading for help.

"So lovely, Eli. What about the ones for your aunt?" Helen asked.

Clare then flipped over the page, knowing Eli's writing habits.

She frowned as she read out loud,

_Dear Luke, _

_I agree to marry you. I want to marry you. _

When Helen laughed, Clare was confused. "Oh, Eli, you're gonna have to write just as much for her as you did for him," she said.

Eli was obviously horrified at what had just happened, red-eyed as he got out, "I…I don't know what to write for her. She wants to marry him, it's him that's gotta promise her everything, the girl just has to want to marry him, I don't know what promises to write for her, all I can think of is her just agreeing. I gotta go," Eli said, deathly embarrassed and feeling as if he could never recover.

"Thank you for having me in your home," Eli said, gathering up all his belongings and thanking them one more time before leaving, walking as fast as humanly possible, wanting to get home to his mom and dad where it was safe.

"Oh Eli," Helen said with a laugh and a shake of her head back at the Edwards home.

"What?" Clare asked.

"Oh, he's just so different. Looks different now, though. He's cleaned up his act, I can tell. He looks good. Healthier and a little older. I can see he's kept the same ways about him though," Helen judged. "Same way with words, same helpless infatuation with you," she said, laying it all out on the table for Clare.

"You think he still likes me?" Clare asked.

"Oh, Clare, this is a boy whose mind is so programmed to do whatever he can for you that he goes to write about love and writes ten thousand promises for a man and all he can think of for a woman is just that she agrees to be with the man. Sweetheart, Eli hasn't changed one bit when it comes to that," Helen pointed out as she turned the sink on.

"So you be careful now," Helen said. "He's not quite ready to tell you anything just yet, so you be careful what signs you give him. Don't create illusions for him, Clare. Don't you break his heart now, not just because it's flattering that he still thinks of you. I imagine it won't ever be easy being around Eli. He's got his own way of looking at it, and you've got yours. Both of you – it's like your hearts are set on automatic – you say the first thing that comes to mind. It's just who you are, but just….don't create illusions for him, Clare. Think about what you want," Helen advised her.


	7. Chance the Rapids

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

**I think I will put up the two remaining chapters of this story up at once. If you have liked the story so far, I think you'll enjoy these last two chapters the most, so grab a warm drink and relax as you read. It's also important that you check out 2 songs in order to understand the story and the writing that Eli produces in the chapter. They are on my tumblr at myheartisopen1986. **

**You can also reach me on twitter at westcoasttrees1. **

**It has been a pleasure writing this story for you and nothing makes me more excited than to see those promos and episode descriptions and assume that Eli will truly come through for Clare when it comes to the paper on the show as well. Needless to say, I am very intrigued and excited to see how the amazing show that Degrassi is shows us what is left for Eli and Clare. I am very excited and cannot wait for my Degrassi DVDs collection to be added to haha. **

**I only write these stories because some people have expressed to me that it makes them happy. That is all. Obviously I have some strong opinions, but I believe every girl should. I am also intense in my opinions, but I think that's a symptom of my trade. **

**Hope you enjoy the rest of the story and do check out those songs. **

**Please leave me a review, I would love to hear your thoughts!**

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Eli, don't wake up your mom this morning, keep the music in your room down, she's tired, okay?" Bullfrog said on a sunny Saturday morning, not being all that thrilled that he had been called into work.

When Eli shot his dad a worried and heartbroken look, Bullfrog just shifted uncomfortably. He didn't want his son to know that he had become a failure as a husband. If a man was not a good husband, he was not even a man, Bullfrog judged. He had tried and tried; done everything that he could think of, but Cece just seemed so…distant. All Bullfrog could think to do was get her tickets to shows, take her out on dates, just…do something special for his girl after something special for his girl again. But while Cece gratefully accepted and tried so hard to be happy for Bullfrog, her husband could tell that she was only doing that – just trying so hard for him.

"Okay," Eli said, not wanting to ask Bullfrog more because he knew his dad would just ignore the question with humour, often humour that Eli classes as of the too-much-information type.

After Bullfrog left, however, Eli mustered up all his strength to do something he hadn't done on his own in years.

Someone else had always done this with him, her sunny laughter invading the kitchen. Everything she had always done had been…so full of life. She had not had the easiest life, as Eli knew best of anyone who had entered the beautiful girl's much-too-short life.

He knew that it wouldn't turn out as good – or even close – but he had to try.

Half an hour later, Eli called out a very worried, "Mom?" as he knocked on Cece's closed bedroom door.

"Yes, come in baby boy," Cece said at once, because she knew that if Eli was actually using "mom", something was wrong.

Eli entered his parents' bedroom to find Cece slipping on a robe over her pyjamas, and just as soon as she had done that, she retreated back under her covers and patted a spot on the bed for Eli, casting him a warm smile.

"Oh, Eli," she sighed tearfully when she saw her only child carrying a tray containing a plate of pancakes, orange juice, and toast, and a pretty pink flower in a vase.

"I'm sorry I didn't do this last year mom, I missed…I missed a year," Eli said, his voice shaking.

"Oh baby boy, it had only been a month, I didn't expect you to even be aware it was Mother's Day. And it certainly isn't Mother's Day now," Cece said kindly.

"I wanted to make up for it," Eli said as he sat cross legged on the bed while Cece pulled out the legs of the tray and set it out in front of her.

"You didn't have to do this, Eli. But I love it. Thank you so much. I know it hasn't been easy for you," Cece said softly, running her hand through Eli's hair. Unlike he always did whenever she tried this before, he didn't move away from her now. She used to do it a lot when Eli was a little boy, but ever since he had gotten a little older, such affections from his mom weren't wanted anymore, much to Cece's unhappiness. But he didn't move away from her now, and she loved him even more – if such a thing was possible – for it.

"I'm okay mom," Eli told Cece with a shrug.

"It's the first time in a while you've cooked without…" Cece began.

"I'm okay," Eli stubbornly repeated.

"Eli…It's _okay_ to talk about her baby boy," Cece said gently.

"Hmm," Eli said as he cast his eyes at the floor. "It's funny….after she died, I used to talk about her all the time. But I guess people grew tired of it…so I just stopped," Eli said, looking to be a million miles away.

"You can talk about her to _me_," Cece pleaded.

"Doing the Mother's Day breakfasts with you mom, it's like…you know you were like a mom for her too, right? That makes it all sound creepily incestuous, but I hope you know what I mean," Eli said.

"I know, baby boy, don't worry. I know," Cece replied gently.

"Mom," Eli then said as he locked eyes with Cece, "Are you…are you okay? Dad and I are really worried," Eli said, no longer being able to contain it all in.

"Oh, Eli, I'm fine! I've just been a little tired lately, that's all, getting ready for Linda's wedding and everything. There's nothing wrong with me," Cece said.

"Are you sure? You and I can go to a doctor today if you want, just to get checked out…you shouldn't be so tired all the time," Eli pointed out.

"No doctors," Cece said. "I'm just a little tired. _All_ I need is my boys. Just you and your dad. That's all I'll ever need," Cece said with an encouraging smile Eli's way.

She didn't want to worry her boy, and she also knew that she really was not sick – what was wrong with her, a doctor couldn't fix, she knew.

No one could. All she could think of is that…she finally understood how Eli felt after Julia's death, how he felt throughout his entire struggle with his mental health.

And it was awful.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"_Tonight is our last night as a Degrassi student….the night of your graduation…and I want it to be the night," I say as I curl up next to you in the warm, large hotel bed. You're still wearing your black dress pants and light blue dress shirt, and I have by now slipped off the heels that match my fashion show dress. _

"_The night of what, sweetheart?" you ask as you stroke my hair lightly and kiss my forehead after I lay my head on your chest. _

_I want to sound perfectly confident as I say what I am about to say next, so I sit up, and you do the same, resting your back against the headboard. _

_When I straddle you slowly, moving my fingers to your freshly cut hair, I see your eyes widen and I feel your heart beating faster. I can actually see your pupils widen at my next words. _

"_The night that we…are going to be each other's…I want you to make love to me tonight, Eli," I say, and I can feel my cheeks flush and I desperately hope that the dim lighting will hide that redness. _

"_Clare…" you say softly, and I can feel your entire body trembling at the realization. _

"_Don't try to talk me out of it…because you can't," I reply as I move my hands out of your hair and slowly caress your chest, undoing the first few buttons on your dress shirt as I can see you have an internal struggle with yourself. It's all over your eyes. _

_I gently take your hand and split it under the silky material of my dress, resting it against my thigh. _

"_Eli…I love you," I whisper into your ear, and I feel your other hand travel to my waist as you cut me off with a kiss. _

"_I love you too," you echo, nothing but commitment in your tone. Your hands travel all over, slowly and steadily, always scanning my eyes first. When you lift me up a little, I giggle in response as I feel you kiss my hair over and over again in our embrace. _

"_I'm not nervous," I honestly tell you as I move my hands to your belt, feeling the cold metal of the buckle at the same time that your hot kisses all over my neck are making me squirm with pleasure. When I giggle, I can feel your smirking against my skin. _

"_Clare…not tonight," you then say, just when I least expect you to. _

"_Eli…tonight. I'm ready," I tell you as I impatiently undo your belt buckle, all of my previous patience gone. _

"_I know you are," I hear you whisper, and I feel your arms travel to my underarms, and you slowly pull me out of our embrace, kiss me slowly, and then raise my chin so that I will meet your eyes. _

"_But…this isn't how it's supposed to happen," you then say. _

"_Eli…I love you and you love me…I don't need anything else," I try to tell you. _

"_But I do," you reply, breathing heavy, difficult breaths as I can feel your heart still racing. _

"_What? What do you need?" I ask, feeling myself grow impatient. _

"_I need this…to be…to be…" you start, but then you pull me into your embrace, and you hide your face in my hair as I feel your laboured exhales and feel the uncontrolled excitement of your body. You're trying so hard, but I know you want this just as much as I do. Your face is buried in my hair and warmth radiates from the spot where your lips touch my neck, slowly spreading through the rest of me. It feels so good, so impossibly good, that I know I will not be the first to let go. _

_And then you say it. "I need this to be…the way you've always wanted it. And I know you're ready now…but this isn't what you've always wanted. You've always wanted this to be on a wedding night. I'm not ready to give you one of those yet. I am in no position to ask you that. But I will ask you to wait for me. Wait for me to be in that position. Don't you deny that you've always wanted this moment to be on a wedding night. I've already failed you time and time again. This is something I don't get a second chance at. I want to do it right. On your wedding day…you've always wanted to be beautiful, and happy…and virginal. I only want to do what's right by you. It's killing me right now, trust now," you whisper, and only when I pull away just enough to see your face do we both realize that there are tears in our eyes. _

"_Stay with me tonight, all night, here in this bed. Let me hold you. Let me do exactly what I promised you I would when I booked a room after graduation – and not more, Clare. I didn't do this room thing to pressure you. Just holding you is enough for me. It always will be. Until I have the right to ask you…what I want to ask you right now….about marriage. But I can't ask you right now. I guess…what I'm asking is….if you'll be the one to wait for me," you finish, and the minute our lips meet, both of us are trembling as I know you understand my answer._

_My answer is yes. _

"What the hell was that?" Clare asked herself as she stood up in bed and checked her digital display alarm clock.

3am.

"What…..? Oh my God," she breathed, gasping a little as she noticed her whole body was trembling.

That visual had been the most emotionally impactful thing she had ever had in a dream.

She wondered how it was possible, for a dream to carry that much emotional charge.

She had been in that situation before, after all. She had been in a bed, straddling a boy, and ready to do that with him – but that was no dream. That had been a very potent reality.

So why had a dream, something with no tangibility to it, left her emotions feeling as though they had been shot with a cannon?

She pulled her covers over her tightly as she sighed and tossed and turned over and over again.

It was only a dream, she kept telling herself.

But why…? Why an Eli dream…? Why…like that? She had never had any while dating him, for crying out loud.

And why…? Why…those dreams always had her doing things she didn't feel ready for in real life. The things her dream version of Eli had been saying…why had they felt so _real?_

She only knew one thing. She couldn't stop trembling.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Is it okay if we start work on the paper at 4:30 today as opposed to right after school?" a tired Clare asked Eli the next day as she approached him at his locker.

Clare hoped things wouldn't be awkward after she had had a little outburst at Eli and accused him of manipulating her…all in front of her mother, who had tried to get things out of Clare after all of Jake's barbecue guests had gone home, but to no success. It had all left Helen very confused - to her it seemed like Clare was angry that Eli had written his "auntie" as he had called her wedding vows? It didn't make any sense, and Helen also wondered who Fitz was? Some German boy? And what did he have to do with Eli? Clare had made it clear to her mom that she didn't want to discuss, however – she had just hurried up the stairs in fury and hid away for the night.

"Of course," Clare heard Eli reply as he turned around to face her with a completely blank face. Clare didn't like that it felt exactly like those awful times of first seeing Eli post-break-up. He looked completely numb to her again, and she completely hated it.

It all made her think that perhaps she owed Eli an apology.

"Eli," she softly said as she watched him place a social studies textbook and a few novels that she had never heard of in his bag, "I'm really sorry for saying you were trying to –" Clare began, but Eli cut her off with a really gentle look.

"You don't have to. It's okay, really," he said with a small smirk that only made Clare feel worse. He then exhaled as he said, "Past precedent will always be an indicator of future performance, not matter how much you hate it," Eli recited.

"What?" Clare replied, a confused look etched on her face.

"Just something someone I know always says," Eli said as he leaned against his locker. Clare couldn't help but think of how good Eli looked in his new leather jacket…it was black, with a few square pockets and silver zippers and it co-ordinated well with Eli's dark black hair. It made him look so good, Clare allowed herself to think.

"Who?" she asked curiously, not liking the feeling that Eli had people that she didn't know in his life.

"My therapist," Eli said directly with a shrug, and it reminded Clare so much of the first time that he had mentioned a therapist, also in that same awful encounter immediately following their break-up.

"Oh," Clare said softly.

"I'm sorry I have to make you wait," Clare then said with a pink blush spreading across her cheeks, "You've been nothing but good with me, giving up so much of your own time just to help me. It's just that I'm in this fashion show," Clare slowly said.

"Clare, it's really okay," Eli repeated again. "I'm busy until 4:30 too, I'm doing the music for Fiona and Imo's fashion show, I have to be there for that rehearsal thing too," Eli said directly, the news taking Clare aback a little.

"You're doing the music?" she repeated.

"My friends asked me to help, I said yes. After Sav left Degrassi, Mo's been taking over the DJing stuff, but Fiona doesn't' exactly get along with Marisol, and I think those two are dating so she didn't want to involve him. I've picked up a little about music from my dad, being around the events he does at the radio station and stuff," Eli explained himself.

Clare couldn't help the strange feeling that overcame her. Eli had two other friends that she didn't know at all – and if she had to bet on it, she judged neither Imogen nor Fiona were her biggest fan. Definitely not Imogen anyway, she reasoned. She also didn't like that this scenario was rather similar – Eli steeping in to help Fiona and Imogen just like he had stepped in to help her. She wasn't sure what she was feeling, but…it was taking over her entire body.

"Er…I guess I'll see you there then?" she sheepishly asked Eli.

"I'm walking over there right now," Eli said, wanting to give her warning.

"We can go together," Clare said with a tiny exhale, confusing an already-extremely confused Eli even more. She seemed to want one thing one minute and the opposite the next. And Eli was starting to think that his mind couldn't handle that. It was the plain truth that he didn't want to admit but could no longer deny – it was starting to bubble to the surface; he only hoped that he could suppress it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

While all of Degrassi's students were either making their way home or to the various after school activities that they were involved in, one very sad Jenna Middleton was sitting on the steps behind the school, talking to her older brother through teary eyes. She knew how hard Kyle was working over in the Alberta oil sands, just to be able to support himself and to painstakingly gather and extra $300 per month to send to her. Jenna knew all of that, so she tried not to burden him by showing her sadness, but today she just couldn't hold it in anymore. Not when Alli's dad had given both her and Alli money to buy a dress for the upcoming frostival, and when he had refused to take no for an answer from Jenna as well, a technique that Alli's mom also resorted to.

Jenna had insisted that she was planning on simply wearing one of her old dresses, but secretly she was relieved that they had given her the money, because her pre-baby dresses no longer fit; her body often felt foreign even to herself. She had offered to do the chores by herself, to do whatever housework they needed to drive away the guilt – but nothing had compared to the look on Alli's parents face when they _both_ strictly told her, "We did not take in you in to turn you into our servant. End of discussion".

"Kyle, please – I can go to school out there," Jenna was saying as tears were clouding her vision.

"No, baby sis, no, you can't. You need to stay and finish out there, then we will figure it out," Kyle told her.

"I can't live with the Bhandaris for two more years! They shelter and feed me and even clothe me," Jenna said. "Kyle," she said as her chest heaved, "I'm too ashamed to keep taking from those who can least afford it! They already have two kids, one in college! Kyle, please, come get me," Jenna pleaded. "Please," she whispered desperately.

"Jenna, I don't even have enough money for a one way fare out to Toronto," Kyle replied, his own heart breaking.

"I can't stay here anymore! Everyone, all they do is judge me, Kyle. They don't understand what it's like to be fifteen and have a baby! They all think I was looking out for number one when I gave Ty away, but I tried! If I really didn't care about him, I would have been done with him the minute I had him in the hospital! I tried – I did everything I could…I dropped out of school! But all the other mommies, they had so much help, and all I had was someone who very clearly proved to me that he could never be counted on! When I found out what he was doing, I realized that he could change his mind in a minute –any minute, and I'd be left out there on the street! I couldn't depend on KC, but I tried, I was not selfish. I have no mom and a dad who might as well be dead. I had no one here, and I couldn't rely on KC. Not when any minute, he could have changed his mind. And when I met Ty's adoptive parents…Kyle, they would never spend hours agonizing on whether or not to buy a baby monitor. That right there, said it all. They wouldn't even pay attention to how much it is. If Ty needs it, they can give it to him. They deserve Ty…I don't," Jenna cried, feeling the sobs take over.

"Jenna, I know, I know," Kyle soothed her. "Stop crying Jenna, please," he said gently. "Didn't you say you have a fashion show rehearsal? Where is Jake?" Kyle asked.

"Oh," Jenna scoffed. "Jake, having the audacity to lie to my face, saying he has to work on a paper. Can't even find a better excuse. He's just like KC," Jenna said in tears.

"You're killing me over here, sis," Kyle said as thousands of miles away, his dirt-stained uniform also became cloudy through his own misty eyes.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," Jenna said, quickly pulling herself together because she knew she couldn't do this to Kyle, upset him like this when he was so far away. His work at the oil sands was hard and above all, dangerous. His mind needed to be on his work and nowhere else, and Jenna knew it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We only have time to run through everything a couple of times, so please pay attention everyone," Fiona pleaded with everyone, giving an especially strict glad to Clare, who Fiona hoped would not pull a scene as she often seemed to.

"Clare, have you found a partner yet?" Fiona then asked her discreetly.

"I forgot! So much has been happening with me lately, I had-" Clare began, but Fiona cut her off immediately, not wanting to let Clare start down this path – Fiona was afraid she'd never stop if she started.

"You can have…Liam!" Fiona said as she studied her clipboard.

She didn't notice the embarrassed look that flashed across Clare's face at that name.

"Liam!" Fiona then called out, and Clare wondered if she could possibly yell that any louder. She looked over to the right of the stage, where Eli had set up a DJ booth. Clare had been taken back with the sight – she had never seen Eli surrounded by so much music equipment, she had never seen him with a pair of big black headphones like the ones he had on now – even larger and more professional-looking than the ones that were currently at the very bottom of a box far under her bed. He looked so in his element as he laid out the electronic turntables and patiently and meticulously plugged in cable after cable, none of them meaning anything to Clare. She couldn't help but admire his expertise and be taken aback that this was a side of Eli that…she had never seen. Sure, she knew that he liked music, but now that she thought about it, she couldn't actually name any of the groups or singers that Eli liked. But now, as she looked at him, even just out of the corner of her eye…he looked so interesting to her.

For the first time in a long time, Clare allowed herself to truly study Eli as he slipped the headphones on and off as he pressed a button several times – it looked to her like he was testing for something. She watched his fingers move down the rows of buttons as Fiona would occasionally ask him some questions that he'd always answer with "Yeah," "Sure," "We can do that," or "Sure thing, Fi".

And as she watched him work, Clare noticed that his face took on a special look when he concentrated. His usual easy expression was replaced by something more intense and removed that suggested that Eli's entire world was locked away inside him. It made Clare realize that the connection Eli shared with music was just as intense as the connection that he shared with literature and with writing, and instantly she regretted never learning about Eli's taste in music. This was such a big part of who he was, how could she not have realized it until now?

She shook those thoughts out of her mind as she realized that she had to deal with this whole Liam issue now.

Clare saw Liam asking Fiona something, Fiona shaking her head and whispering "Don't argue with me, you volunteered, just do it", and then Liam walked over to her from where he was, on the other end of the room, and in what Clare internally deemed as the loudest tone capable of being produced by a human, jokingly said, "Sure, I'll go with Clare, I wouldn't mind a frisky kiss or two again".

Clare wanted to bury herself in the ground when Liam said that – just as he was walking right in front of Eli's DJ booth at the exact moment that he happened to slip his headphones off. There was no stopping it, and Clare knew.

And there it was. The look that crossed Eli's face as he looked first at Liam, than at Clare, just for a split second…it caused such a sharp feeling of hurt in Clare that she could barely stand anymore.

It honestly looked to Clare like Eli had been lashed in the face when he heard Liam's comment.

Fiona's authoritative tone then said, "Liam, just go with her. It works, you're just taller than her, and you both have that cute curly hair, it's perfect," she said, as Clare removed her eyes from Eli, who had turned around away from everyone and slipped those headphones back on.

_Oh, God, why did stupid Liam have to say that? _Clare thought over and over again as she heard Liam talking incessantly by her side. _If you think you're getting another kiss, you've got another thing coming buddy, _Clare said as she flashed Liam a look of daggers.

When she saw Liam actually _run away_ from her side, she couldn't be more confused.

Or so she thought, until she saw that Liam was running towards…Bullfrog? What? None of this was making sense.

When Eli left the DJ booth and went to say hi to his dad, Clare was still confused.

She then saw Fiona walk over and watched as Eli introduced Bullfrog to her and she also heard Fiona say, "Thank you so much for helping us with this, Mr. Goldsworthy, the calibre will be so outstanding with you on board".

Bullfrog then replied, "Call me Bullfrog, please. And of course little lady, I have strict instructions from Eli to do whatever you want," Bullfrog said as Clare saw noticed that he was pulling a dolly full of sound equipment and lights.

"I brought some help, hope y'all don't mind," Bullfrog said as Clare saw two college-aged guys enter the caf and approach Bullfrog.

By this time, Liam had also reached the group, and Clare watched him fawn over Bullfrog as if he was a rockstar. She also saw Eli roll his eyes at the two boys who Clare had now figured out were Bullfrog's aides at the radio station as they laughed and held out an autograph card with Bullfrog's picture and signature out to Liam, who looked like he had just won the lottery upon receiving it.

Clare studied the two guys and reasoned that Eli knew them quite well. One of them was really skinny, and he was wearing black skinny jeans and a gray button-down shirt. His blonde hair was cut very short, he had on a pair of black-rimmed glasses, and he was holding a black binder full of codes that Clare didn't understand. She noticed that he had a lot of piercings in his earring and a tattoo of a parrot on his arm. The other boy had dark brown hair, seemed to be same age as the first one, and he was wearing dark jeans and a T-shirt with the name of a band on it that Clare didn't recognize.

Clare saw both boys fist bump Eli, and she heard one of them congratulate Eli on his U of T admission, something that really bothered her. She heard the boys tell Eli that they should hang out on campus once "you get there," and she judged that her instinct that these guys were college students was correct. They were radio journalism majors who worked part time at Bullfrog's station, she later deduced. But for now, she was absorbed by the fact that…she couldn't believe that…Eli had done it. He had gotten into the really exclusive double major of Creative Writing and English literature in his very first year of university…and she had no idea what story he sent as a writing sample, when exactly he heard back from them…she had imagined the potential moment of victory with him so many other times as she was lying on the hood of Morty and now…now it had come and gone, just like that. Now it was up to some random boy who worked at Bullfrog's radio station to congratulate Eli. Clare felt as if nothing could be more wrong than that. She also watched Eli joke around with the two boys as Liam was star-struck as he talked to Bullfrog, who was clearly very much enjoying the attention he was receiving.

"So, I've got it all set up over here," Eli gently told his dad, and Clare watched as Bullfrog slapped Eli's shoulder playfully and said, "By George boy, you've got it right!" and Eli gave him a strict glare in response to all the teasing about the completion of what Eli considered to be an essentially easy job.

"Fiona," Clare heard him call out, "Bullfrog's gonna get you some lights, and we're gonna time them to the music," Eli said.

"Really? You can do that?" Fiona asked, her excitement obvious. It pleased Eli to see his friend happy.

"Sure thing," Eli replied.

"We're all here to help," Clare then heard one of the older boys who had come with Bullfrog say. "Where's a ladder?" he then asked.

"I think you need a special license for that forklift over there," Imogen then said with a frown.

"Oh, they've got one, both of them," Bullfrog said nonchalantly as the boys nodded.

"You've got it?" Fiona asked in confirmation.

"Yep," the boys said.

"So much of this handyman stuff that needs to be done," Fiona said, being overcome with some stress as she realized all the non-fashion components that a fashion show really entailed.

"Jake could come and help!" Clare burst out, feeling left out and wanting to help.

It was only then that Bullfrog realized she was even in the room, and when their eyes met, while Bullfrog gave her a smile, Clare couldn't help but look away. Something about looking at Bullfrog now felt different to her…so different. She found that…she couldn't really look him in the eye.

"He could," Clare repeated in Fiona's direction.

"Is Jake the janitor?" an oblivious Bullfrog asked, looking over at his son.

"Um, no," Eli said, two words being all that he could muster now.

"He's my…my…" Clare faltered, not being completely used to calling Jake her brother yet.

"Ah," Bullfrog said, nodding in what he thought was understanding, but in what was actually misunderstanding. Bullfrog judged that Jake was that same tall boy who he had seen kiss Clare one morning as he was dropping Eli off, and he judged that Clare's new boyfriend would not be the best addition to the party.

"Don't worry, Clare, I brought two guys with me, they've got it. These two have worked plenty of events, it was quiet at the station today and they wanted to lend a helping hand," Bullfrog then said.

"Okay," Clare said quietly, because it wasn't the majority of Bullfrog's words that she cared about.

Only one had struck her.

_Clare. _

Bullfrog had called her that only _one_ time. One time before he switched over to Clarabelle. Clare couldn't say that he was being mean or rude to her, because it was plain as day that he was being neither of those things. But…there was such a palpable distance, and she hated it. She hated that she was not Clarabelle anymore. She was just…Clare.

"Your wife's here, Sir," she then heard one of Bullfrog's assistants say, and she had to do a double take when she saw Cece.

She looked like a ghost-like version of the Cece that Clare had known. She was…so skinny, and she had such large bags under her eyes.

It was only when Bullfrog turned around that her entire face lit up. Clare watched as Bullfrog dropped everything, all of his conversations, and walked over to his wife and kissed her quickly – just a peck on the lips before he took her hand and they began walking together. For the millionth time, Clare stood frozen. It was like watching a reincarnation of what Eli would always do back when they were dating – he would _always _do that. Whenever Clare got to school, whenever she was in a classroom first, whenever she appeared into an environment where Eli already was – he had done that same exact thing; dropped everything, walked over to kiss her sweetly, and then resume his activities with her hand in his.

"Cece!" Clare then heard a shriek from Imogen, who ran over to Cece and said, "Guess what, guess what! I got an A! On the vanilla and chocolate loaf! An A!" Imogen said, completely confusing Clare. What on earth was she talking about? Cece sure seemed to know, because she gave Imogen a hug immediately, and _that_ sight bothered Clare the most out of anything she had seen today. What was that? What was that? What was that? Her mind kept saying to her. When Cece kept her arm around Imogen as she walked toward Eli's DJ booth, Clare felt a sharp and stinging pain in her chest as she saw Cece give her a small smile and a nod and a gentle, "Hi Clare. Nice to see you again," saying just that and walking away before Clare even had a chance to respond.

"So," she heard Cece say to Imogen as she stood frozen, "I can't wait to see your dress, dear! I came here just to make sure your adjustments were done properly, I told Fiona I'd help with everyone and all of the sewing of course, but don't tell her! Our little secret," Cece said with a wink. "I just want to make sure my girl is looked after properly," Cece added, her kind heart hurting for Imogen and wanting to make sure that the girl had someone who could help her with all of this, as she had no mother.

Cece's words cut through Clare's heart like a sword. They made her realize that…a lot had happened in Eli's life while she had been absent from it. It had not stood still – far from it, in fact. It was filled with so many activities, so many people…and Clare couldn't help but wonder…what had she done in the same time. There had been Jake, of course. And…Jake….and….Jake….and…Clare tried to think and think…there had been Jake…..and…

"Clare? Um, I'm gonna be your partner," she then heard Liam's voice say, and she couldn't be more irritated at him.

"Fine," she said to him curtly.

"Yeah, you're welcome," Liam then said sarcastically, wondering how this happened to him every time. He always seemed to get stuck with Clare, and he was getting sick of it.

"Sorry," Clare managed to muster. She wondered when Fiona would instruct all of the models to go backstage, thinking they should probably start soon.

She looked around for Fiona and saw her sitting around a table with Imogen, Bullfrog, Eli, and the two boys from the radio station. She noticed Eli was leading the conversation.

"I know you wanted to start with "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," but I think people will be unused to that song – from the 80s – and that it will work against your purpose. I think people might focus too much on the music and it will take attention away from the show. I know it's a really popular song, but I think it's just too strong for the start," Eli said.

"What did you have in mind?" Fiona then asked as she and Eli shared a photocopy of the fashion show plan.

"I'm thinking you should start with Gaga's "Edge of Glory". It's a perfect song for what you want," Eli said.

"Eli Goldsworthy – closet Lady Gaga fan?" Fiona teased him.

"I like her stuff, but that's beside the point," Eli said as Bullfrog chuckled.

"I thought all Top 40 was banal," Fiona joked as Bullfrog and the two older boys exploded into a chorus of "damn right"s.

"Lady Gaga is actually a rare exception to that rule. She is to music right now what Picasso was to art. She's like a Picasso," Eli justified.

Clare found his way of explaining that beautiful, and the more she thought about it, the more she judged Eli's words to be true.

"It's perfect too, but it's a little long, so we'll have to do a mix of it," Clare heard the boy who Bullfrog called Nathan then say. "Eli, I'll work with you on that man, and Greg can do the lights," he added as the other boy nodded.

"So how are these lights gonna work?" Fiona asked.

"We're gonna make you a custom light show that works with the music," Eli replied.

"Seriously? You can do that?" Fiona then asked.

Eli just flashed her a smirk and replied, "Your wish is my command, Fiona".

"That would be so cool! It would be so much better than not only anything Queen Bee Wannabee Marisol could ever pull off, but it might even beat the fashion show Holly J organized last year," Fiona replied.

"Cool," Eli replied with a smirk.

"So what other songs did you put in?" Fiona asked.

"Well, "Edge of Glory" will take you to about 2.5 minutes once it's mixed properly. Then we're gonna use that incredibly girly Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance with Somebody", you'll like it, Fi. So that should be…" Eli trailed off.

"Just to the point where Jenna walks next," Fiona finished. "What song shall we put then?"

"Did someone call my name?" Jenna said, as she approached the table wearing a beautiful golden dress. Fiona had ordered Jenna a Betsy Johnson dress, feeling that none of the Diane von Fustenberg dresses really matched Jenna's style, and she had been so keen on the event that she judged that cheating a little by actually buying a dress for Jenna didn't really count. Jenna had paired the dress with a pair of beautiful lightly-coloured leather country boots.

When Clare saw Jenna sit down next to Eli, she judged that she was wrong. There _was _ something that could make her angrier than that hug Cece had shared with Imogen, and it was taking place right now. It happened the minute Jenna's yellow dress made contact with Eli's back jeans as she squeezed in next to him.

"Just trying to decide on a song," Fiona finished.

"How about..what's that song," Eli began, "That Shania Twain song where she's wearing that little black skirt under that huge coat, she's got like a guitar –" Eli began.

Both of Bullfrog's aides let out a low whistle as the visual of that particular video flooded their minds. "Man, I Feel Like a Woman," they both said at the same time.

"That's it," Eli said. "Jenna wrote the song, with Sav, for that play I wrote, dad," Eli explained. "She's a country singer, she's got the country look, it might work," Eli said.

"I love that song!" Jenna said, trying to make herself cheerful.

"Okay, use that," Fiona then replied.

It was obvious, even to a jealously-flooded Clare, that Eli looked at Jenna the same way he would look at an eighty-five year old lady, and that Jenna had not even tried to flirt with him, but none of that mattered. Clare felt as if her emotions were slipping out of her control. She didn't think she could control herself successfully any longer.

"Okay, now for the end, the part where the wonderful designers walk out," Eli said, "I was thinking of "Walk this Way" – there's this remix version Aerosmith did with Run DMC, it's the ultimate song about walking, and this whole catwalk thing seems to have a lot of walking," Eli said with the confused frown of a boy who was as boyish about such things as fashion and girly shows as a boy could be.

"Oh, yeah, that'll work well," Bullfrog pitched in.

"Perfect," Fiona said. "God, Eli, you're really outdoing yourself with this, I'm so grateful," Fiona honestly told him.

"We still need one more song," she then pointed out, not wanting to ask more of Eli, but knowing that her time estimates were correct.

"Got one," Eli said.

When the final dress rehearsal was run just half an hour later – light show and remixes included – it took every ounce of strength that Clare had not to burst into hot, powerful tears when she heard _her_ song be perfectly timed with her turn.

The song that she only told Eli _once _that she liked because it was happy, spring-like.

_Of course he had remembered. _

"It all looks so good! Eli this music is so perfect," Fiona said eagerly as she clapped her hands. "Good song, too," she praised.

"Her dress is green. Spring-like. Happy," Clare heard Eli say softly to Imogen, but she saw that as she made her way down the runway, Eli only had eyes for her.

XXXXXXXXX

"Okay everyone, now make Eli's music and light show proud – he's upped the calibre of my entire show with this creation," Fiona said backstage as they were doing one last run through.

Clare, having gone to the washroom and returned, was now furious to see Jenna using her hairbrush. Jenna, for one, had no idea that it was Clare's – she had just grabbed the first one that she found lying on a table.

Clare walked over to Jenna and pulled it out of her hand forcefully.

"That's mine. I should have known better than to leave it out for you to steal," Clare said, the stress of the day getting to her.

"I don't steal!" Jenna said, deeply hurt by Clare's words.

"Really?" Clare said potently, trying to control herself and not go any further.

When Fiona heard their escalating voices, she looked at both of them strictly. She was afraid something like this would happen by having Clare in the show – a scene – but Adam had asked her, and Fiona didn't have the heart to refuse him, considering their past.

"Leave me alone, Clare," Jenna said, catching Fiona's strict glare.

"Leave my things alone and I will," Clare said, her body shaking with fury.

"If you just get over yourself, you'll realize I'm not trying to steal anything from you!" Jenna exploded. "Not your damn hairbrush and not your damn boyfriends – in fact, if you just get over yourself, you'll stop picking on me like this every chance you get and maybe open your eyes to realize that you don't get to judge me! You don't even know what you have! You have a mom who looks out for you, a brother who protects you and a stepdad who would build you anything you want! And out there, right out there," Jenna said, pointing to the cafeteria where the stage and music were set up, her voice very loud as all the girls backstage stood frozen at the spectacle, "right out there you have a great guy who would do anything for you, but you're too stupid to see it!" Jenna screamed, and at that, Clare gasped as Fiona and Imogen's eyes widened.

"Oh you can wipe off that shocked look, everyone knows! _Everyone _can see it, Clare, _everyone_ but you!" Jenna said finally, there being no confusion about who she was referring to. "So do me a favour and leave me alone," Jenna said, running off as Fiona followed her.

XXXXXXXXX

"Well, now," Eli heard his mom as everyone in the cafeteria also stood frozen, "sound really travels in here, doesn't it," Cece remarked off-handedly as she watched her son's face drain of all color as he studied the DJ equipment as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Eli, when are you coming home?" Cece then asked. "You have some of that newspaper business again tonight?" she added.

"Yeah, just a little bit of newspaper stuff, I'll be home soon," Eli said to his parents, eager to get them in their car so that they wouldn't see that the only person staying back would be Clare.

"Who's all on this newspaper with you, boy?" Bullfrog asked, and Eli felt his heart sink.

"Just people from my English class," Eli answered. "See you at home," he said quickly as he led his parents to their car.

Eli didn't like the way that Cece seemed to revert back to her exhausted self the minute Imogen had left.

He was afraid he knew that feeling all too well.

He was afraid that Cece was putting on a façade.

XXXXXXXXX

"Did you…hear? Did you see?" Clare asked Eli as she surfaced in the doorway of the newspaper room five minutes after Eli had gotten there.

"What are you talking about? That little niner girl fall? Oh man, I felt so bad for her. What is up with that kid who was her partner, he looked like he had no clue what planet he was on, he totally just let her fall like that," Eli said, smirking at Clare.

Clare was certain that Eli was only doing what he was to be kind to her, and in that moment, she absolutely loved him for it.

He was so good to her, she realized. He always made it so easy for her.

"Do you want to work on the paper for a bit?" Clare then asked him.

"Well, I don't know," Eli said, and Clare's heart sunk as she felt the chill in her voice. "Will your boyfriend Liam mind? That you're spending all this time with me instead of begin with him?" Eli asked, looking Clare right in the eye.

"He's not my boyfriend," Clare said softly.

"But he said…" Eli trailed off.

"He was…before Jake," Clare replied, being so incredibly embarrassed. What would Eli think when he heard that? Would he think she was just an out of control…floozy?

"Oh," Eli replied with a nod. "Um, okay," he then added, not sure what else to say – he was in too much shock at all of this new information.

"It was just so stupid, one kiss, it didn't mean anything, we went on like half a date, only because I was upset about Jake-" Clare began.

"I really don't need to hear the whole story, Clare, please, I kind of…I just…I'd rather not know, okay?" Eli said, afraid of being rude to her but feeling like he couldn't tolerate this anymore. It was torture. It was killing him. He just couldn't sit here and listen to this anymore. He knew this therapist would tell him that this would be the time to focus his attention on something new, something productive, and Eli knew her advice was correct.

"We'd better get to work, we have tons to do, boss," Eli then said to Clare with a smirk that signalled immediate intention to move on and never talk about her multiple kisses to various boys ever again.

She couldn't be more relieved. Eli always made everything so easy for her, she now realized. And with that thought came another scary one as Clare wondered if she had done the same for him more often than not. She pushed that thought to the back of her mind, however, because she found that it was not a very pleasant one.

"Sure," Clare said with a small smile as she threw her bag on the couch in the office and decided to devote herself to just working alongside Eli.

XXXXXXXXXX

Clare was just finishing off her Honey Nut Cheerios the next morning when she heard Jake and Glen arguing, something that was a very rare occurrence – Jake always got on phenomenally with his dad, Clare remembered.

"Jake, the only reason you're getting a C- is because you're probably being lazy and not doing any of the work," Glen was saying to him as he pointed an accusing finger at him sternly.

"Ugh," was Jake's eloquent reply to his dad's concerns.

"No idiot fails his own language, and you are in danger of doing so. You have one chance to smarten up, your teacher says, with this one assignment, or it's summer school for you. No more cabin," Glen said, delivering his final blow.

"What? That's not even fair!" Jake protested.

"Figure it out, Jake, I'm not here to hold your hand to make sure you do your homework, you are a grown boy," Glen told him, pointing an accusing finger in his direction once more.

"Whatever," Jake scoffed. "Clare, get in the truck, stop dilly dallying," he then said, angry at the world.

XXXXXXXXXX

Eli sighed, exhausted as he took a seat in the Degrassi caf during his spare. Since a new timetable rotation had just occurred, he now had his spare block last – and were it not for his newspaper duties, he could go home early. But this way, he had to stick around school – if he were to go home, he could be there for an entire ten minutes before having to leave again so he could be back in time.

Eli put in his iPod earbuds and loud rock music flooded his ears, shooting a burst of energy through his entire body as he cracked open his math book and began working his way through the assigned problems, tackling a particularly difficult one on slopes in many steps, and loving it when he got the right answer.

"Hey man," he then heard as a body sat down beside him, and Eli was surprised to see…Jake.

"Hey," Eli said, knowing that him and Jake had reached a state of…well, Eli wouldn't really call it friendship. More like…tolerance and acceptance of the other, he judged.

"Dude, I've been looking for you," Jake then said, getting right to the point.

"What's up?" Eli asked, trying to sound casual, but on the inside, frantically worrying that something was wrong with Clare.

"You're good at this writing thing, right?" Jake asked, and Eli breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing was wrong with Clare.

"I'm supposed to be," Eli said with a shrug.

"You take advanced English, right?" Jake said with a raised eyebrow, not knowing that he was actually talking to that class' best student.

"Yeah," Eli replied.

"Well, this teacher is totally killing me. She's gonna fail me dude, unless I kick ass with this one assignment. My dad's pissed, threatening to not let me go up to my cabin this summer. I need to step up my game a bit, I've been slacking big time in that class, but writing a story is so not my thing. Thought I'd ask you for some help," Jake said.

"Yeah, of course, sure," Eli replied casually. He wasn't sure what to make of this, but he was in a position to help Jake and he saw no reason why he shouldn't. Eli could also tell that coming to ask this wasn't Jake's favourite thing in the world, so he wanted it to be over just as much as Jake did.

"Thanks, Eli. You're a good guy, you know that?" Jake told him gratefully.

"I wouldn't put any money down on that," Eli replied with a sigh. "You got an assignment sheet or something? What are you supposed to do?" he asked.

"I don't have a sheet, but it's supposed to be a short story on what my favourite place in the world is. So lame, right?" Jake said as he rolled his eyes.

"My teacher hates creative writing, wish yours would teach my class too, it's not so bad. I mean, it makes sense. Every writer has a conflicted relationship with where he grew up, but no matter how much they run from it, it's all over their writing. Makes you think, like if Faulker had ever left the South, would he have written _A Light in August_? Or if James Joyce had ever left Ireland, would _Ulysses_ ever have come to fruition – well, I mean he did leave Ireland, but not in his heart," Eli argued, but he noticed that he quickly lost Jake as soon as he looked up.

"Umm…yeah, totally," Jake contributed.

"So, you got a place in mind, somewhere special to you?" Eli asked.

"Well, this one summer me and my dad did a trip where we drove across the US. It was awesome, I love all those country areas, I miss that living in a big city. That gonna work?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, that's great," Eli said, as he took out his brand new writing notebook.

"She also said we have to put in like…one metaphor, one simile, and one personification, does that make any sense?" Jake asked with a frown.

"Yeah, pretty standard. I hate it when they dictate rules like that, so lame," Eli replied.

After a few more minutes of consulting and Eli watching Jake attempting to write – Eli realized that it was like pulling teeth with Jake. He'd be stuck here for hours, and he'd never get to help Clare with the newspaper, and as always, that was the part he was looking forward to most in his day.

So, Eli dove right in and said, "Just give me a few minutes here to work with this, okay?" and Jake watched Eli as he began scribbling to himself and said things that seemed very random to Jake, like asking him if he was as religious as Clare.

"No, I'm not all with those rules like Clare is, but I go to church," Jake said with a shrug.

"Does Jenna have a favourite place in the States?" Eli then asked. "She's your girlfriend, right? We have to include her," Eli justified.

"Not so big on the girlfriend label," Jake then said with a smirk. "But do whatever you need to do man, I think she said she was actually born down there, in Amarillo. Her mom was doing some music thing in the South or something, I don't know, Jenna talks at a super human speed sometimes," Jake justified.

"All right," Eli replied as Jake saw him furiously scroll things down in his little notebook.

Jake looked at Eli a little oddly as he heard him talking to himself, saying things like "metaphor…you'll think heaven's doors have opened….simile…windshield sunset…like a watercolor sky…"

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ugh, I should probably read his assignment and make sure he won't flunk," Clare said out loud to Helen that night, heading to Jake's room and grabbing the typed English paper from his desk while Jake was helping his dad unload the truck after dinner.

But as she sat down at the kitchen table next to Helen who was reading a novel and sipping some tea, something didn't seem right to Clare.

Never in a million years did she think Jake could produce the lines that she was reading.

The story was called "Fly-over States," and Clare could see that even its title was playing with a double-entendre, and Clare was sure that Jake had no clue what a double-entendre even was.

There were metaphors and similes that played off of each other like a series of cascading waterfalls, and Clare could never imagine Jake producing such a thing.

It was…beautiful. She read it out loud to Helen, who also appeared…very confused at the thought that it was produced by Jake.

_Fly Over States_

_The large Boeing 747 aircraft held just a couple of guys in first class. The flight was from New York to Los Angeles, and they were just kind of making small talk, killing time, flirting with the flight attendants. _

_At 30 000 feet above…it could be Oklahoma. It was all just a bunch of square corn farms and wheat fields; it all looked the same – miles and miles of backroads and highways connecting little towns with funny names. _

"_Who'd want to live down there?" one of them scoffed at the other while adjusting his expensive watch underneath the smooth fabric of his exquisitely tailored suit. _

_But….they've never driven through Indiana – met the man who ploughed that earth, planted that seed, and busted all he had for you and me. _

_They've never caught a harvest moon in Kansas…or they'd understand why God made those…fly over states. _

_I bet that mile-long Santa Fe freight train engineer's seen it all, just like that flatbed cowboy stacking US steel on a three-day haul – roads and rails under their feet, now that sounds like a first class seat…on the plains of Oklahoma, with a windshield sunset in your eyes like a watercolor-painted sky. You'll think heaven's doors have opened and you'd understand why God made those…fly over states. _

_Take a ride across the Badlands, and feel that freedom on your face, breathe in all that open space and meet a girl from Amarillo…_

_Then you'd understand why God made – and you might even want to plant your stakes – in those fly over states. _

"What the hell, Clare? Snooping through my stuff?" Clare then heard, just as she finished reading the piece to Helen. Glen and Jake now stood in the kitchen, and Glen was looking at everyone a little lost.

"How did you write this?" Clare asked, completely flabbergasted.

"Eli helped me," Jake said with a shrug, and had a shiny pink elephant fallen through the roof of the Edwards-Martins house', Clare wouldn't have been more surprised.

"Bingo. You know, Eli really has a gift – he…sees people. That was such an eloquent description of the way I'm sure you really feel, Jake. He truly sees people," Helen said. "Well, how nice of him to help you. Glad you got your assignment finished Jake, I'm sure you'll get a great mark. Now who wants dessert?" she added, trying to change the subject.

"I can't believe you!" Clare then yelled as Glen exhaled and braced himself.

"What?" Jake asked, honestly confused. "I needed some help. And he was freaking brilliant, I love the whole angle he gave it – usually everyone thinks the country boys are just a bunch of stupid idiots, but the way he wrote it, it's those city slickers who come off like they have no clue what they are talking about. So funny," Jake said with a grin.

"It's called being subversive," Clare spat at Jake. "A writing technique".

"I don't care what it is, it's gonna get me an A," he replied, his grin getting even bigger. "Better get the cabin ready, dad," Jake said as he did a little victory dance that only annoyed Clare more.

"How dare you? I can't even believe you," Clare said in shock.

"I don't get what the big deal is," Jake then said, because he really didn't.

"You just needed an A, so you _used _Eli!" Clare protested. "You went to him because you know he's so embarrassed around you that he'd say yes," she said.

"Eli and I are cool," Jake said.

"You took advantage of him! This is all _his_ writing, Jake!" Clare said. "You don't even care! You just used him to get your work done!" Clare yelled, and Jake snapped as he was getting really tired of Clare throwing accusations at him.

"What the hell, Clare. Guess you're the only one, huh? Only you are allowed to do it," Jake said.

"What?" Clare gasped.

"You're trying to tell me this is so different than what you're doing? You can do it with the paper but I can't? When you do it it's called help but I'm an abusive monster when I do it," Jake said.

"Don't you even dare compare those two! The paper is different," Clare said, full of anger now.

"How?" Jake pushed her.

"Because!" Clare eloquently yelled.

"Because how?" Jake kept going.

"Because _I_'m special! _I_'m special to Eli! It's different when _I _ask because it's _me!_ _I_'m special," Clare said, but then she did something that Jake never anticipated.

She burst into tears.

And just like that – at that sight - Jake regretted everything.

"Woah, woah, sorry, sorry," Jake started at once as Glen wondered if he'd ever be able to predict Clare's actions. He guessed…never. Not in a million years. To Glen, the teenage girlish ways of Clare were like a mystery that he'd never unlock. She seemed to him completely unpredictable and easily set off any minute, which made Glen keep his distance from her, especially after that disastrous time when he had stood up for Helen only to have Clare say some things that…stung.

"Just forget it," Clare said as she ran up to her room.

She only allowed her mom to see her that night, and Helen gently explained to Clare that the only reason that Eli even probably helped Jake was because of the connection he had with Clare.

Jake delivered an apology to Clare through her closed door that night, and he judged he'd just let everything blow over in due time. He didn't know what else he could do, and he made up his mind that if Clare refused to open her door, she'd just have to settle for that apology through the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We are behind again!" Clare said as she tidied up the newspaper office three hours later. "Eli, we're not even close to being ready to run all of these copies off!" she cried, her voice turning to a worried whine.

"Yeah, um…we've gotta figure something out. We worked so well those first few days, but then we got busy with all this other stuff and we slacked off a little bit," Eli said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Can you come in tomorrow? I know it's Saturday –" Clare said, beginning to feel like she was shamelessly asking so much out of Eli because…because it was so easy to. After the initial request to help her, on that he had agreed to so suddenly, it had become….so easy to ask.

"Sure. What time do you need me here?" Eli asked, agreeing right away. Sometimes Clare felt like this was too easy. Like Eli was…too good to her.

"Is 7:30am too early?" Clare asked with red cheeks.

"Not at all. It might be closed though," Eli said with a frown.

"Simpson said he can give us the keys," Clare told Eli.

"Ha! He might have said he can give _you_ the keys. Doubt that equation will stay the same once he knows I'm in the picture," Eli said with a smirk.

"No, he knows. He knows…I can't do this without you," Clare said, feeling her blush deepen as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"Clare," Eli said, gently taking her arm so she would look him in the eyes. He had something important to tell her, and he needed her to be looking at him while he did so.

"Look at me," Eli softly said as they stood side by side, leaning on the light table.

"What?" Clare asked, her voice in almost a whisper.

"Clare…having someone help you doesn't mean that you failed. It just means that you're not in it alone," Eli told her, his voice gentle and kind as he stared her right in her eyes and told her the perfect words that she needed to hear.

"Oh, Eli," Clare breathed, being overcome with emotion. It was a little too much…this…the dream she had had the previous night…

"Okay sweetheart?" Eli said before he could control his words.

"What?" Clare replied almost instantaneously upon hearing that term.

"I said, okay?" Eli tried to save himself.

"Yes. Okay," Clare decided to allow him.

"See you tomorrow on the front steps at 7:30am then?" Eli asked. "It's a good thing that we're meeting early, I have to be at St. George's church in the afternoon, aunt's wedding," Eli said, trying to cheer her up a little.

"It's tomorrow? Oh, Eli, never mind, I'm not going to ask you to come in then," Clare said.

"No, no, I want to," Eli said as he cast her a loving look.

"Are you sure?" Clare double-checked.

"Of course," Eli answered.

"Okay then," Clare replied.

As Eli turned around to walk away, Clare couldn't help herself.

"Eli!" she called out after him.

"Yeah?" he said, turning around, thinking Clare had forgotten to give him instructions about an article she needed written or something of the sort.

"Thank you, Eli," Clare said, and for the first time since their recent teaming up to work on the paper, humility was etched all over her face.

"Anytime, Clare," Eli replied with a sad smirk her way. "Anytime, anywhere, you know that, right? I have to believe that you know that," Eli added.

"I do," Clare replied, speaking the honest truth. Voicing it…because she felt that Eli just had. If he could give her that much, she could at least give him the equivalent. She judged that she owed it to him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning, Clare rushed Helen out of the house after waking up late, and she felt really embarrassed when she got to school at 7:45. When Helen moved to get out of the car, Clare shot her a,

"What are you doing?"

"Just thought I'd say hi to Eli," Helen said with a shrug as she saw Eli patiently waiting for Clare on the Degrassi steps, listening to his iPod.

"What, no," Clare told her mom, who settled for a loud and embarrassing, "Hi, Eli!" that startled the boy.

"Hi Mrs. Edw-Mart-er, um, hi ma'am," Eli stumbled, cheeks flaming at this lack of suaveness when faced with the problem of how to address Clare's mom these days.

Clare for one, also had red cheeks and shot her mom a drive-away-now look as she got out of the car.

When Helen added a, "Eli, I want you to take care of my daughter today, I don't like the thought of her in an abandoned school. Can I trust you to do that?" Clare wanted to crawl into the ground and die.

"Of course ma'am," Eli replied as he looked Clare's mom right in the eyes, rather happy with the question Helen had just thrown his way. It made Eli feel proud that Clare's mom would ask such a thing of him.

"_You_ were _just leaving_ mom," Clare then said, reasoning that she needed to use more force here.

When Helen finally drove away, Clare shot a quick, "Sorry about that," to Eli. "And sorry I'm late," she added.

"You're not late. I was early. And don't worry about it. Bet you never thought you'd hear me say I miss your mom, but that right there, kind of made me," Eli said with a smirk that made Clare giggle. He judged afterwards that saying that was perhaps not the smartest choice – it revealed too much on his part, but he also knew that it was way too late to take it back now.

"Hey, so I'm starving," he then said, getting out the idea that he had spent the last 15 minutes trying to figure out how to say in a way that wouldn't make Clare feel like he was making an unwanted advance at her. "And it's like 7 on a Saturday morning, I think we can afford to get breakfast before we work the whole day. Please? Dot breakfast? I promise I'll work faster," Eli said with a smirk.

He hadn't had enough time to get breakfast this morning – he knew that he couldn't miss his run, so that had had to get done, but after a shower, Eli found himself short on time and had skipped breakfast as Cece had flashed him an unimpressed glare upon hearing his decision.

"That sounds lovely," Clare said with a soft smile as she fiddled with the strap of her purse.

_Really? Just like that? _Eli thought, and he smirked at Clare when he realized that she had agreed! Just like that! He internally told himself that he knew that this wasn't a date – far from it – but, still. Eli considered the rapidity of her answer a small victory.

Clare quickly thought that she had a $20 bill in her pocket as Eli asked, a reflex after dating Jake and having to split bills evenly or using a gift certificate that she had from Imogen to pay for both of their meals.

However, as soon as Clare had ordered her English breakfast platter and Eli had opted for the same, she heard him say to the waiter, "Together, please," as he handed over a $25 to cover everything.

"Eli, you don't have to do that, I can pay for myself," Clare shyly told him.

"Please just let me," Eli said, and as he said that, he sounded more exhausted than Clare had ever heard him be in months. It took her back in shock, that exhaustion…it made her heart ache for Eli. Why did he sound so tired as he said that? Clare felt the sudden urge to leap across the table and cuddle him until he felt better, but just as soon as that exhaustion had entered his voice, as the waiter gave him his change, Eli's "Thanks man," proved that it had left.

"Thank you," Clare said softly, releasing a tiny exhale of the type that had always made Eli want to kiss her.

"My pleasure," Eli answered honestly and wholeheartedly. "I'm so hungry," he then said out loud as he took in the scrambled eggs, sausages, toast, harshbrowns and the off-to-the side pancake that made up his breakfast platter, identical to Clare's.

"Me too," Clare said with a smile as they both began eating.

When Eli finished everything on his plate a lot faster than Clare, she found that this was yet another thing that had changed about him. But to Clare, it didn't make a lot of sense – she was not blind to the fact that recently, Eli's body had begun to take a much more…toned shape.

"Wow, you really were hungry," Clare said with a giggle as Eli swallowed his last bite.

Eli hoped he hadn't eaten everything in a way that disgusted Clare – Cece was always telling him to slow down at dinner – but something in her playful giggle told him that she was no such thing.

"Tired myself out with this big run this morning," Eli offered as an explanation, and it all made sense to Clare all of a sudden.

"You run – that's it," she said in realization.

"Um…yeah," Eli said as he raised an eyebrow in her direction.

"I just meant…um, you look good, Eli. Really good, and it just you know makes sense, with the running," Clare said as her blush deepened and she even squirmed a little, much to Eli's smug satisfaction. His ego was feeling rather boosted, a feeling Eli always loved.

"Why did you start running? I mean…I never had you pegged as someone who was all into that," Clare asked discreetly as Eli pushed his plate aside and slowly slipped his coffee.

"Not a choice," Eli said with a shrug.

"What do you mean?" Clare asked as Eli watched her take adorable little bites out of a piece of toast.

Clare could tell that Eli wasn't heading down a path he enjoyed all that much, but as always – she had asked for something, and Eli, being Eli, wanted to give it to her the best way he could.

"After," Eli said, taking a minute for a long, loud exhale, "that awful play where I went on that craze, my doctor realized I had an issue with taking meds. I'm scared of getting addicted, because if I get addicted, I can kiss all of my chances at a semblance of a normal life goodbye," Eli said, and Clare was shocked at how much he was telling her. "So she said we have to work with a few tricks, she called them. She says your body has the capacity to produce some medicine for itself – like the endorphins that come with exercise. Obviously I can't depend on just them, I have my meds, but this way I can stay on the mild meds. Eating right and eating regularly, and exercising, and just being on top of that, she said is a better approach for me because I'm not the biggest fan of the meds," Eli confessed.

When he found warmth and compassion in Clare's eyes, Eli wished he could reach across the table and kiss her. He wanted to do that…so badly. But he knew he couldn't. She didn't want him to, and the last thing Eli ever wanted to do was to force something upon Clare that she did not desire.

"It sounds perfect, Eli. Your doctor sounds really smart," Clare praised him.

"She is. We get along. She means well, she's very brilliant," Eli said.

"You just sound so busy," Clare then said.

"Nah," Eli said with a wave of his hand.

"And you've been taking so much time to help me, Eli," Clare said as she felt a sharp pang of guilt.

"It's nothing, really, Clare, whatever you need, just tell me," Eli said as he looked up at her as he took another sip of coffee. Clare didn't know about the rearranging of his schedule and late night upon late night that Eli had had to navigate in order to create the time to help her. There simply was no time in his schedule unless sleep was eliminated, but for Eli it was a small price to pay.

"Oh Eli," Clare sighed.

"What?" Eli asked with a smirk.

"Just…nothing," Clare said, knowing that she could never voice everything she was feeling in the moment.

"Thank you for breakfast, it was delicious. I've never actually had the full Dot breakfast, it's so peaceful here in the morning on a Saturday," Clare remarked.

"It is really nice," Eli said as he stretched a little, letting out a little yawn that Clare soon mirrored.

"We'd best be on our way. Time to wrap this paper up," Eli said with a smirk.

And just like that, it hit Clare.

No more paper meant no more Eli.

Right?

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Simpson said he'd be in here all day doing paperwork," Clare said as her and Eli had a seat in the J.T Yorke memorial to flesh out a plan before heading to the newspaper room.

"Told ya he'd never leave us all by our lonesome selves," Eli said with a smirk as they gave Simpson a small wave, being able to see him in the office. He was on the phone.

"Okay, so with the editor's piece, my piece, it's a mess. It's the last thing we need to actually fix," Clare said, stretching out a piece of paper to Eli. The look of frustration on her face Eli found just so damn cute, and for about the millionth time in just a few hours, he wanted to softly kiss it right off of Clare's face.

She looked so pretty in her pink jacket, he thought, just at the same time that Clare was happy Eli had opted to wear his new leather jacket again. He looked so handsome in it, Clare just loved seeing it on him.

"Just…grrr," Clare said in frustration as she studied her piece.

Eli lightly chuckled as he gave Clare a smirk and gently told her, "Well, let's just see here. Why don't we change the structure of the argument here? Bring this paragraph here, this one to the end," Eli said as he pointed to the appropriate places for Clare, "and then we can work on the transitions and that final sentence. How about it?" Eli asked encouragingly.

"That would work!" Clare said enthusiastically.

"Okay, let's migrate over to the newspaper room then," Eli said as Clare nodded in agreement.

XXXXXXXXX

"It looks really good," Eli said as he leaned over the light table after laying out the first page of the Degrassi Daily.

"It really does," Clare replied with a beaming smile as she narrowed the gap between her and Eli, leaning along the light table as her eyes fixed on Eli's after examining the paper.

"It does," Eli said again.

"Just the side column left, and all the other layout and printing left," Clare said as she leaned further into Eli's space. For the first time ever…she could actually see the finish page on the newspaper project, and she couldn't believe that the opposite feelings of what she had expected to experience were taking root. She expected relief and happiness that this huge, overwhelming project would finally be over. But all she felt was…she couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. It would really be over…all of it?

"I'm gonna just proofread everything one more time before we do all the gluing and finish everything," Clare sighed.

"Edwards, that's like the tenth time both you and I have read them. There's no mistakes, let's just glue them," Eli said.

"Just one more time," Clare said as she walked over to the couch, and she gently kicked off her flats, took off her pink jacket and laid it on the table adjacent to the couch. She tucked her feet under her as she began proofreading the articles. Eli was right; she was really familiar with them and it was quite boring to read them all over again. She soon leaned her head against the side of the couch and titled her pile of papers.

As the paragraphs wore on, a tired Clare found the tiny printed letters to merge into one another, turn fuzzy, and she felt her heavy head droop a few times before her exhaustion got the best of her and her head gently came to a rest on the side of the couch for intervals that became longer and longer. The truth of the matter was that the paper had taken its toll on both Eli and Clare, and both of them were all but running on fumes at the point.

Eli was also sore from too much running because the boy had developed a habit of using his running as an escape mechanism, and ever since his interactions with Clare got more lengthy, Eli found himself more confused about the mixed messages that Clare was sending him. He was not sure what was real and what was not, and he knew that that was very _very _dangerous for someone in his position.

So as Clare's eyes closed as she rested her head against the couch, Eli glanced at her affectionately, knowing exactly how she felt. Drained. Exhausted.

He felt the same exact way, but he didn't like that Clare had to suffer like this. He had taken on this whole paper deal exactly so this wouldn't happen. It wasn't okay for her to feel like this, Eli reasoned.

Wanting to do everything possible to make her comfortable, he quickly headed off to the drama room as fast as humanly possible, feeling wrong to leave Clare alone. Once there, he headed to one of the storage closets and retrieved a beautiful, soft Mexican blanket that he checked was clean and it actually looked brand new to Eli. He remembered it when he was sorting through the materials and costumes for Love Roulette, and he judged it to be very warm, therefore exactly what Clare would need. He then grabbed a pillow that also rested next to the blanket, and he also grabbed a blue sheet to place over the pillow just in case it wasn't all that new. He made sure the cotton sheet was clean, because he judged anything that would come into vicinity with Clare needed to be clean and pretty and as best as it could possibly be.

He rushed back to the newspaper room and he gently placed his hands on Clare's shoulders and slowly laid her down on the couch and covered her up with the blanket in one smooth motion that stirred the girl awake.

"Mmm," she said softly.

"Shh. Shh. Just lay down, it's okay," Eli told her in a whisper as he tightly pulled up the soft blanket and Clare felt its warmth envelop her.

"No…we have so much to do," Clare said sleepily.

"A little break won't hurt anyone. You can't work when you're so tired. Shh, just sleep, okay?" Eli told her in a comforting tone.

"No," Clare said as she raised a hand to her temple.

"Clare, come on," Eli pleaded.

"Maybe just a little bit," she then said as she closed her eyes and Eli felt his senses leave him a little bit as he was kneeling beside the image of a sleepy, eyes-closed Clare Edwards. It was…all a little like a snippet of a particular fantasy of his, and his present circumstances couldn't be any more different than those he had allowed himself to imagine. In that fantasy, Eli could kiss Clare anytime he wanted, however many times he wanted…and even more than that. Quite a little more, and the reminders of that fantasy, as it had been employed numerous times in his mind, made Eli gulp as he looked at Clare's closed eyes.

"Eli….don't go," Clare then whispered, slightly opening her eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere, Clare, I'll be right here, okay?" Eli replied in a split second.

"Okay," Clare said as she turned on her side a little and closed her eyes. She felt Eli pull up her blanket and insert a pillow between her head and the couch, and she breathed in and out as she felt her entire body relax and sleep over take her.

The sight was a little too much for Eli, who spent ten minutes just watching her, kneeling down by the couch and keeping the blanket securely around Clare's body.

It took a conscious effort on his part to get up and start doing the layout for the nine remaining pages, and every time he felt his own exhaustion creeping, all he had to do was take one single look at Clare, looking so peaceful and serene as she was sleeping on her side and releasing small sighs that Eli judged as the start of a dream.

It haunted Eli that…he could have had this. Maybe, just maybe, Clare would have preferred the healthy version of him - had he been able to get himself to that point – over Jake, because he would have entered her life anyone. He could have had this – in the future, he could have had the joy of always doing his work while Clare was never too far away. Like Bullfrog had his music room at home just steps away from his and Cece's bedroom. Maybe he could have spent his entire life working to make a life for himself and for Clare….just maybe, Eli was thinking as he decided to enjoy every minute of this fantasy. He knew he shouldn't be thinking such things, but he simply couldn't help it in this moment. He had never seen Clare sleeping, and she looked so peaceful that it awakened feelings in Eli that were too powerful to be ignored.

He spent hours working and watching over Clare – leaving only for a few minutes when he had to get changed into his suit for the wedding, having promised Cece he would do this so as to not be late.

When he returned to the newspaper room after completing his change, he didn't turn the radio on as he worked, because he wanted perfect quiet so Clare could rest; he was already worried that all the noise he had to make while he was cutting and pasting all the articles on their template board would awaken her, but little did Eli know that Clare's sleepy mind was much too preoccupied with other things to register the noises Eli was making as he was working.

XXXXXXXXXX

"_Put me down silly," I giggle as you carry me across the threshold of the honeymoon suite on the island, pretending I don't like it, when in reality I'm quite sure both of us know how much being carried like this has been a dream of mine. _

"_Tradition is tradition Edwards, no can do," you say as you push your way into the room. _

"_Alas, but I'm not Edwards anymore," I giggle as I gesture at the sparkling ring that you put on my finger in the most enchanting wedding ceremony I have ever seen. _

_You've given me everything I could ask for, just like you promised me all that time ago. You've given me security, and love, and friendship, and patience and support that I'm not sure I've always received. You've given me patience beyond what can be expected, respect beyond what I ever imagined a man to be capable of, and you've given me the dream wedding I spent so much time imagining as a little girl. You've even given me my dream house, and you ensured that it would be ready for us the minute we get home after the other thing you've given me, my dream honeymoon. Whatever I ask you, you don't care if it takes all your effort, time, and money. Sometimes I think I could live a hundred lives and still not be worthy of you. _

"_Nope, you're Goldsworthy now, and for robbing you of Edwards I do apologize, but…you're my wife," you say with the hugest smirk I think I've ever seen on your face as you gently lay me down on the bed and tower over me, smoothing out my exquisite wedding dress. _

"_I am your wife," I say, and the pleasure in my voice at that title overwhelms me as I run my fingers through you hair. I spend a few minutes playing with the white flower you still have in the pocket of your tux. You looked so handsome in that church, so confident of what we were doing. And I am just as confident. I've loved you since I was fifteen, and I finally get to call you fully mine – we stood in front of God and everybody and made the vows that won't break. _

"_Eli," I breathe as I embrace you. _

"Eli….Listen….Eli," a murmur said as Eli raised an eyebrow upon hearing that on Clare's lips.

Surely he must have heard wrong?

"_I love you," I say. _

"_I love you too, sweetheart," you reply right away. "How are you feeling?" you ask. _

"_So happy," I say with a beaming smile. _

"_You looked so beautiful up there. Just like you've always wanted to be on your wedding day. Radiant and happy and so beautiful, and…pure," you say, kissing me deeply and slowly as soon as you finish your words. _

_I feel my entire body melting into the kiss, and your hot lips leave cool marks on my neck as you kiss every inch of it as I can't help but gasp. _

"Tonight, Eli," a giggle let out of a very sleepy girl as Eli got closer to Clare, total confusion on his face. What on earth was going on here?

"_Finally…tonight…we waited so long," I say between gasps. _

"_Wedding night," you say with a smirk as I wrap my legs around you and slip your jacket off. _

"Take my dress off, Eli – now," a shell-shocked 17 year old heard as he kneeled beside a tossing Clare.

He couldn't believe his ears.

"_Well, I never could deny you, love," you say with a laugh as your fingers find the side of the dress and slowly start to undo the zipper. _

"_Zipper…and I have so many buttons," I sigh as you break for a kiss, and then one more. _

"_Oh trust me… I want to take my time with this. I'll never forget tonight," you say as you look directly into my eyes, and I can't help but reach up and kiss you again. _

"_Me either," I whisper into your ear. "Eli…make love to me…and don't stop. All night. I want to be with you all night long, Eli," I tell you and I can actually hear you gulp. _

"_Your wish is my command," you whisper, hiding your face in my hair as you kiss the side of my neck as your fingers expertly finish all the buttons and all I can feel is your entire body shiver. Mine does the same a split second later…chills of excitement run down my spine as I can feel your body against mine, and already every breath is fanning the flame – your warm body is driving me insane – _

"Oh my God," Clare then sharply gasped as she stood up in bed, sweaty, feverish, and incredibly confused. "Why are you wearing that? A wedding suit?" she then asked, her face flaming as her mind began to confuse reality and dream.

"My aunt's wedding today, remember?" Eli said, his voice soft and raspy.

When Clare released a deep, sad sigh, Eli felt a small smirk cross his lips. What on earth had she been dreaming about?

Clare's distress was obvious on her face, as she pushed her blanket aside and her face fell with disappointment, confusion, and guilt over the images of herself and Eli enjoying a wedding night that had begun to form in her mind.

"Shh, shh, it's okay," she then heard Eli say as he quickly sat on the couch as Clare gestured for him to do so, sitting on her side so Eli could sit next to her, at the level of her waist.

"Oh no…Oh my God…How could I? I….I…I fell asleep!" Clare then said in a panic, and she gasped when she saw the time.

"Oh my God, it's 3pm! You're leaving soon! I ruined everything, the paper won't be ready now! I messed up, oh my God, how could I fall asleep like this?" Clare said, feeling the panic invade her.

"It's okay-" Eli began.

"It's not okay! I ruined everything! Everything!" Clare cried.

"Clare, the paper is finished! It's finished, I did the rest of the layouts," Eli told her gently as she tried to stand up, but she quickly raised her head to her temple upon the attempt.

"Shh. Shh. Take it easy, lay down," Eli said.

"Can I see the paper?" Clare asked as she took Eli outstretched arm and used it to slowly raise her body.

"Sure," Eli said, bringing it to her on the couch. "I just used Katie's templates," he said, and at the sight of him on the couch next to her, Clare couldn't take it anymore.

He had done the whole thing. He had let her sleep and…he had done the whole thing.

Right here…in front of her, was the proof that she could no longer deny.

This boy…would do anything for her. He already had, many times over, and for Clare, it was as if everything was hitting her for the first time.

She couldn't take it – and a powerful sob left her body before a mass of tears so unstoppable took over her entire body that she actually was trembling, shaking, and jolting, her body moving from one to the next as Eli watched for a second in shock.

"Oh man, I did it wrong! I messed up the whole paper," Eli cried. "Please don't cry, Clare, just please don't cry…sweetheart, don't cry. It kills me to see you cry, I kept copies of the original in case I did something like this," Eli said.

"No, it's perfect," Clare managed to choke out.

"Then what's wrong, sweetheart?" Eli asked, with teary eyes himself.

"Y-you wrote my name in the editor's spot, where Katie usually is…a-and everything- y-y-you wrote, you also put a 'by Clare Edwards' on it…you credited me with all of your articles too, I look like I wrote the whole paper," Clare said between sobs.

"But you did, I never would have done any of this writing had it not been for you," Eli said, trying to explain things from his perspective.

"Oh, Eli," Clare sighed, and she couldn't take it anymore. She desperately flung herself to Eli's chest, wrapped her arms around him like he could vanish into thin air any second, and sobbed and sobbed against his trembling form.

Knowing he had to take the lead here, Eli pulled Clare into his lap, leaned back against the couch, and softly rocked her back and forth as he massaged her arms, stroked her hair, and whispered a series of "Shh. It's all okay. It's all going to be okay. I promise we'll make it okay. No more tears now, just please, don't cry, sweethearts" that left Clare even more heartbroken, if such a thing was possible.

"Why are you crying so hard? I only wanted to make you happy," Eli said, pushing her sweaty bangs away from her face and worrying about how hot her entire body seemed to be.

"I…oh, Eli," was all Clare was able to say. "Why did you do this? Why did you do this paper? I've been nothing but awful to you," she heaved.

"Oh, Clare….I just…I like seeing you happy. I don't like seeing you stressed, or spread too thin. I…just like seeing you happy," Eli confessed as he held her tightly.

"You're too good to me," Clare whispered.

"Never," Eli whispered back. "Clare," he then said as he leaned back to look at her, his green eyes locking with her striking blue ones, "I need you to know that…just because we're not close anymore doesn't mean that I don't care about you. If you ever need anything, you come to me. Anything you need," Eli told her, his voice raspy.

"I don't deserve this, any of this. Do you know what kind of person I am now, Eli? Do you even know? I almost did something bad with Jake, I hurt my mom, I lost my best friend, I…you don't even know," Clare said in shame as she buried her face in Eli's neck, hanging onto his embrace so tightly.

"What happened with Alli?" Eli gently asked her as he kept lovingly pushing her sweaty hair out of her face. Clare knew she looked like a mess and that her sweaty body was one that no one would want to touch in its present state, but Eli didn't seem to mind at all – he brushed off all the sweat along her hairline with his own fingers.

"She kissed Jake at that stupid cabin," Clare told him.

"Aha. Hence the running into the woods," Eli said, putting two and two together. Clare hated to bring him back here, but… he was listening to her so well, just like he always had.

"I forgave Jake but not her. What kind of a person does that?" she whispered.

"A human person. Oh Clare, we always want to believe what makes us feel best. But you should talk to Alli – she doesn't seem like the type to chase other girls' boyfriends. I mean, when you and I dated, I'm quite sure she hated my guts. She still does, I bet," Eli said with a smirk that looked to Clare to be just a bit amused.

"She also kissed KC once you know," Clare blurted out.

"Huh?" Eli asked, confused.

"My first boyfriend…before you," Clare explained, but she had no idea why…a look of realization crossed Eli's face.

"KC…was your boyfriend…like, soon before me?" he asked.

"When I met you, I guess I was still getting over him," Clare said, but the minute those words escaped her she knew they sounded wrong.

"Oh," Eli said, and Clare felt his whole body freeze up for a second before it relaxed again.

"But I don't think Alli is one of those girls, you're right," Clare then said, wanting to shift the scope of the conversation.

"You should talk to her," Eli said, but now he felt just a little farther away emotionally, which made Clare burst out into more sobs, just as soon as she had begun to calm down. She just felt that while Eli was being so eloquent and loving to her, all she could seem to find to say was just the worst possible things.

Her body heaved with another powerful sob as she was overcome with how good Eli was being to her, and she quickly scrambled in his embrace to place her legs on either side of Eli's body, and she was so overcome with stress and exhaustion that she ended up wrapping her legs around his waist as she lay in his embrace on the couch. She desperately placed her arms around his shoulder blades, pulling him as close as possible to her own body as she rested her head right above his heart and sobbed while Eli stood frozen in shock.

It took him a few minutes, but his strong arms found their way and protectively wrapped around Clare's body for a minute before wrapping the blanket on the outside of their embrace.

"Clare, shh, shh. You're crying so hard I'm so worried about you right now. Please, please, breathe Clare, please. I just wanted you to be happy, I just wanted…I just thought finishing the paper would make you happy," Eli said as he held her shaking body tightly.

"I am h-h-happy," Clare said as the hiccups then came.

Eli couldn't help but chuckle.

"Oh, Clare, please, sweetheart, please stop, I can fix it, whatever it is that's making you so upset, I can fix it. There's always a way out, sweetheart," Eli told her, his warm voice flooding with love and patient support.

"Can I just stay with you? Like this?" Clare said, moving her head off of his chest so she could look him in the eyes as she asked.

"Of course, of course," Eli told her at once, and he rubbed Clare's arms with his hands through the soft material of the blanket. He then moved one hand to stroke her hair, gently, over and over again as one of his hands kept up the soothing rubbing of her arm, and moving to her back as he whispered a series of "Just try to sleep, I've got you," and "It'll all be okay, I promise," constantly escaped him.

"I'm ruining your clothes, your suit, you look so nice and I'm ruining it," Clare murmured, her hot breath piercing right through to Eli's skin.

"I don't care about that, what I care about is that you stop crying so hard," Eli honestly told her.

It took a long time for her to do so, and what ended up doing the trick was actually allowing her to run her fingers through Eli's hair, something that she started doing on her own, much to his surprise.

Eli could feel her chest rising and falling against his own, and only now did he register that Clare's body was completely wrapped around his, and he took many deep breaths in order to control his own body, something that he knew would never be possible if he wasn't so preoccupied with getting Clare to calm down.

"You even feel different," she said after a long period of silence.

"What do you mean?" Eli said as he gently brushed the curls out of her face.

"Your whole body…it feels different. You're so in shape now," Clare continued as she ran her hands down Eli's arms, then back up to his shoulders, gripping them tightly for a second, before tracing patterns on top of the white, now tear and mucus stained dress shirt he had on.

"You feel different," she then repeated in an exhausted exhale before she collided with Eli's body again as she curled up into him as much as possible, hiding her face in his neck.

"Don't go," she then said. "Let's just sleep a while, please," she pleaded, and Eli didn't have the heart to say no.

Clare pretended to fall asleep as Eli fixed the blanket around their embrace, as she told him not to move; her entire body was on top of his as Eli was sitting on the couch and she was curled into his lap, clutching him in an embrace and resting her head on his shoulder.

She knew that he was exhausted too, and sure enough, he dozed off in a few minutes too.

But when he started trembling and his closed eyes fluttered torturously, Clare knew something was wrong. She reached up and grabbed his hands and gently held them to her lips, and kissed them. Clare remembered those hands, and how they could be so gentle, writing beautiful words one minute and holding her much like they were a few minutes, and how the next minute they could be so angry and tense if Eli detected she was in any danger.

But it didn't help. Nothing seemed to, until Eli awake with a jolt, and the look in his eyes was identical to that of a five year old who had been left behind by his parents at a supermarket.

Clare could tell that it took him a second to get his bearings, and she drew the blanket tighter around the two of them, embraced in their upright position on the couch.

"It's okay, Eli," she told him softly.

"Oh God," Eli said in horror. "Did I scare you?" he asked, verbalizing his worst fear.

"No, Eli, no. You were barely asleep for three minutes before you had a nightmare," Clare remarked and then a horrifying thought chilled her veins. "Is it…Eli, is it like that every night?" she asked.

Eli didn't know what it was; perhaps the intimacy of being with her like this, but instead of lying to protect her feelings, nothing could come out of him but the truth.

"Not every night. Almost," he said.

"Well, what can I do to make it better right now?" Clare asked him as she pushed his bangs back, and the intimacy of all her touches was making Eli's heart race and giving him an urgent desire to cry. Why was she doing this? Why was she doing all of this?

He sighed before he whispered, "Seeing how most of my nightmares are about you getting hurt or unspeakable things happening to you that I can't stop – I always get there too late – just by being here and letting me see that you're okay, you're already doing the best thing possible," Eli said, and for the first time today, he felt his eyes tear up.

"What?" Clare gasped. "Oh, Eli," she then gently said, "Eli…you poor, sweet thing," she whispered as she resumed the stroking of his hair, "You can't go on living like this. How do you even do it now?" she asked. "What does your doctor say about this?"

"She says…to check that you're okay, it's the only way. So I see you at school and I feel better, or if it's a weekend, I…you tweet, and I see it," Eli admitted. "I know you think that's creepy, but…Clare…there is no other way. That's what Dr. Sadler says," Eli told her.

"Oh, Eli," Clare sighed as she rested her head on his chest again, and this time, she found his hand under the blanket and just held it tightly.

"You can't go on like this," she said sadly.

"I don't have a choice," Eli replied. "My mind doesn't listen to me, and…it's the worst thing, you know. It's hell living like me…at night. The things I see, Clare…I can't even…they are worse than anything I could ever describe," Eli said, and his voice broke as a tear fell.

"But I'm _not hurt_! I'm right here, I'm fine!" Clare pleaded with him.

"I know," Eli said, taking a deep breath. "Which is why I'm fine," he said, both to Clare and himself.

"Clare? Eli?" the two teens then heard, and they jumped as Simpson's voice could be heard down the hall.

When Clare moved off of Eli and pulled the blanket with her, Eli felt the loss of her body's warmth at once. He quickly ran a hand across his eyes and politely told Simpson that they were done and that they'd make their way out now as well.

"No need if you have more to do," Simpson then told them, casting a strange glance when he saw both Eli and Clare's swollen eyes. "The doors will lock behind you," Simpson informed them.

"We're all done," Eli then replied, and Simpson took a look at the completed master pages, and he praised Clare when he saw her name in the staff column under Editor.

"Thought you might have some room in there for your prize-winning story, Eli," Simpson then mischievously added, and sure enough, he saw the boy's face light up at once.

"What do you mean?" Eli replied.

"I heard from the national competition, Eli…and you won," Simpson said. "This cheque is for you, and the school gets one of the same amount for books and field trips. I imagine the new English teacher will be quite pleased, and that she will recognize that she has remarkable talent in her class. Her name will get published in the Ontario teachers' newsletter, Eli," Simpson said, and Eli caught the words he did not explicitly say, and so did Clare.

"There's no room in the paper, it's all full, and I don't really want it public. Don't tell anyone I won, Sir, I don't like bragging like that," Eli said with a shrug.

"As you wish, Eli, here is the original copy, they sent it back for you with the cheque," Simpson said before he told Clare and Eli to simply close the doors on their way out and they would automatically lock.

"You won," Clare said, but sadly, because…this time she had no idea what Eli had written about.

"Can I read it?" she asked sweetly, knowing that when accompanied with an adorable look his way, Eli had no defenses against that tone. It sometimes really was too easy with him, Clare thought as she wanted to giggle out loud.

"Um, if you want," Eli said, his voice shaky as Clare's strategic feminine attacks rendered all of Eli's shields as penetrable as a piece of tissue paper.

"Did you write about…me?" Clare then asked, eager to read the way Eli would always make her seem so beautiful and heroic in his stories.

"No," Eli deadpanned. "Clare, you _hate it_ when I write about you. You _hated _Stalker/Angel and you _hated_ the play. Don't you lie to me," Eli said as he looked at her with more intensity than ever. "You and I both know you couldn't wait until that play was over. It was interfering in your time with Jake," Eli said, sounding more heartbroken than ever.

"I don't want to talk about that. I just want to read your story, please, Eli," Clare pleaded.

"It's not even that good. I have no idea why they chose it, probably no one else sent anything," Eli said as he uncomfortably rubbed the back of his neck.

"They chose it because…because you have a gift, Eli. You…you see people, with your writing," Clare softly told him, remembering her mother's words.

_Even If It Breaks Your Heart _

_Way back on the radio dial, the fire got lit inside a bright-eyed child; every note just wrapped around his soul, from steel guitars to Memphis all the way to rock and roll. _

_Downtown is where he used to wander; old enough to get there on his bike but too young to get inside. So he would stand out on the sidewalk, and listen to the music playing every Friday night. It was downtown that he found that guitar shop; it was downtown that he spent hours just walking among the rows and rows of freshly made guitars, in that small shop was where he'd watch the craftsman build instrument after instrument and marvel at the finesse with which he worked, the resolve with which he'd test them, and the joy with which he'd show them off to customers – everyone from college girls in bands to well-established musicians later on, as the name etched into those guitars gained more and more acclaim. _

_But the craftsman grew older and began to lose his sight while the boy grew older, stronger, smarter, more capable. The boy who spent all those hours downtown, all those hours admiring the guitars that he knew he would never be able to afford, never asked anything of the aging man, and the aging man never asked anything of him. He let him spent as much time in the store as his heart desired, never pestering him, but always watching him from afar. When the guitar maker finally realized that he didn't have much time with his eye sight, he only did what came natural to him. _

_The old man's name had become well-known from Nashville to Los Angeles, but he lived in a one bedroom apartment above a Chinese restaurant and never spent the money that poured as rock star after rock star played to a sold out crowd night after night on one of the guitar's with the old man's name etched into its neck. Doing only what he judged to be the right thing, the old man took one week to produce his finest guitar – one that would attract tens of thousands of dollars – and with shaking fingers, he strung the guitar, depending only on his touch to guide him at this point. _

_Doing only what he judged to be the right thing, the old man gave the guitar to the boy who was now a teenager constantly dressed in all black. Chuckling at the thought of the boy in black following in the steps of the great man in black, the old man also did the one thing he had sworn to never do again. He taught the boy to play guitar. _

_When he passed, he left the store and an enormous fortune to the only person who loved him. The boy never accepted any of the mind-blowing cash offers he received for both the store and the old man's secrets. All he wanted to do was to tend the store with as much love and care as the old man – and he vowed to never send away young boys who would stand out on the sidewalk on Friday nights when artists came and shared their songs. _

_The boy never forgot the last words the old man said to him: "some dreams stay with you forever; drag you around to bring you back to where you were. Some dreams keep on getting better – you gotta keep believing if you wanna know for sure". The old man taught the boy everything he knew, and the boy loved him. _

_And today, as I stand behind the counter watching everyone who is looking at the guitars, it's as if I can actually hear him playing – I can hear the ringing of a beat up old guitar. I can hear him singing – "Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart". _

_I don't want the man who just entered the store to approach me. I don't want to do what I know he does not want to do either. _

_He has been sitting down on the bench outside my store all day today, clutching his guitar tightly, lying down on the bench and gently caressing each of its strings. We buy and sell guitars at the store, and I can tell that he is down on his luck. He is wearing country boots, jeans, a plaid shirt, and a jean jacket on top. A country hat completes his outfit, and his hand is shaking as he hands over the guitar to me. It is one of the first that my mentor, my hero, the old man, ever made. And I can only offer him a pathetic amount for it, because that guitar is more than a piece of wood. _

_I can tell he does not want to hand it over, but seeing how he is selling his most prized object, this must be a last resort. _

_His hands have the marks of a guitar player, I notice, as he gives me an embarrassed thanks, and hides his face from me. _

_I have grown to be a tall man, but the little boy in the store catches the man's face, walks over to the stacks of collectible records that I sell in the stores, pulls one out, and enthusiastically hands it over to the man whose guitar I just bought. _

_When he smiles up at the man and hands him a Sharpie, my heart breaks._

_The man looks at the boy for a long time without saying a word. He then flashes him a kind smile and signs the bestselling record carefully, writing a message to the boy that I cannot see from this distance. _

_He then turns to me, and with a smile, I know exactly what to do. I give him his guitar back and wave the money away. There is only one place this guitar should be – one place my mentor would like it to be, and I tell the man this. _

_I tell him that the old man who made the guitar wanted to hear him playing; he wanted to hear the ringing of a beat up old guitar. I tell him that I can almost hear him singing – keep on dreaming, even if it breaks your heart. Life is too short for what ifs, so you have to do just that – keep on dreaming, even if it breaks your heart. _

_And the down-on-his-luck older man does just that. _

_As I sit down to the morning paper and a coffee in my store almost a year later, I read the concert review in the paper of an artist who had experienced one of the largest comebacks in music history. _

_I don't need a journalist to tell me that it was a show no one would ever forget. _

_I was there; I saw him sing last night to twenty thousand plus; I heard all the young boys scream out loud 'Man, that could be us'. _

"Eli, it's beautiful," Clare said emotionally.

"A little different than my usual style. Like I said, no one else probably sent anything," Eli said with a smirk.

"You and I both know that's not true. It's so amazing, Eli. Do you know someone who did this?" Clare asked curiously.

"Not personally, but all that stuff happens in the music industry. I just…I wanted a little bit of freedom, you could say. I wanted…to write about something else now," Eli said, with a shrug.

Clare found that…it stung, Eli wishing to write a new story.

"I'm so tired," she then said softly.

"I'll take you home," Eli told her with a kind look.

"You have time? Before the wedding? And what happened to the vows? Did you write your aunt's part?" Clare asked.

"She said she'd do it herself, make them similar to my uncle's. I couldn't write her part, I honestly don't get what more she's supposed to say other than she wants to marry Luke," Eli honestly told Clare.

Clare stepped closer to Eli as she softly said, "She's supposed to promise him everything he's promising her".

Eli just shrugged and replied, "I guess".

"I ruined your shirt, and your suit jacket," Clare then said, feeling really guilty.

"You did no such thing," Eli told her, texting Bullfrog to come get him. He knew Clare was exhausted – she had slept so restlessly – and although Eli knew this would unleash a catastrophe as Bullfrog would find out about the secrecy, Eli didn't hesitate to put Clare's comfort and safety first. She didn't need to be walking right now, she needed a ride, and he had spent all of his money paying for breakfast for the two of them, so a cab was out of the question.

When Bullfrog saw Clare and Eli walking out together, he kept his face perfectly composed as he watched Eli open the car door for Clare and even buckle her seat belt for her, placing her in the front seat.

Bullfrog acted like a perfect chauffer, saying nothing, and walking with Clare up to her doorstep to deliver the girl home to her mother, strictly telling Eli to stay in the car. When Clare saw the way Eli obeyed his dad without any second guessing, she judged that Bullfrog was angry at Eli, but she wasn't sure why. Later, when Helen thanked Bullfrog on her doorstep, he simply nodded.

Eli knew he had it coming. He imagined Bullfrog maybe even yelling a little, but he never expected his dad to not even look him in the eye as they got back in the car.

Before starting the car, Bullfrog coldly said, "You will _not _ruin this day for your mother. I will only ask you one question, and you _will_ answer me, boy. What did you do with that girl, Eli, and if you lie to me, so help me God, I will show you what anger really is, boy".

"I didn't do anything!" Eli protested.

"Boy, I wasn't born yesterday – you both had faces as red as a crab and sex hair," Bullfrog spat at Eli. "You didn't even have a condom, did you?" Bullfrog said in horror.

"Dad! Unbelievable, you actually think I would do that?" Eli asked, completely shocked. "Like that? She's not even my girlfriend, and you think I'd have sex with her? At school? In the newspaper room? What the hell!" Eli said.

"Look in the mirror, Eli," Bullfrog said, and Eli used all three car mirrors and…indeed, his hair was a mess from Clare's hands, his tie was so crooked that it no longer even looked like a tie, and Clare had somehow undone the first two buttons of his dress shirt. His shirt was also a mess, stained with her tears, although Eli judged that probably just looked confusing.

"Dad, do you seriously even know me anymore?" Eli asked as he tied up a bit. "Clare fell asleep. Then she started crying, and I was just comforting her," Eli explained.

"You have spent this entire time _hiding_ and _lying_ to me," Bullfrog said.

"I told you I was working on the paper," Eli protested.

"Boy, don't you try to spin me – if you truly had nothing to hide, you would have told me the entire story. I will not talk to you about this now, Eli, your mother is waiting for us at the hotel," Bullfrog said. "But you _will_ tell me if you did anything inappropriate with that girl," Bullfrog commanded.

"I would never take advantage of her like that," Eli said, angry at Bullfrog now as he looked right into his eyes.

Bullfrog believed his son the minute he looked into his eyes.

"Good. We will talk about the rest of how you once again, have been lying to your mother and me the entire time, shamelessly right to our faces, later. You will _not _ruin this day for your mother," Bullfrog said categorically as Eli was consumed by guilt for hiding things from his parents.


	8. Dance the Tide

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. **

**I think I will put up the two remaining chapters of this story up at once. If you have liked the story so far, I think you'll enjoy these last two chapters the most, so grab a warm drink and relax as you read. It's also important that you check out 2 songs in order to understand the story and the writing that Eli produces in the chapter. They are on my tumblr at myheartisopen1986. **

**You can also reach me on twitter at westcoasttrees1. **

**It has been a pleasure writing this story for you and nothing makes me more excited than to see those promos and episode descriptions and assume that Eli will truly come through for Clare when it comes to the paper on the show as well. Needless to say, I am very intrigued and excited to see how the amazing show that Degrassi is shows us what is left for Eli and Clare. I am very excited and cannot wait for my Degrassi DVDs collection to be added to haha. **

**I only write these stories because some people have expressed to me that it makes them happy. That is all. Obviously I have some strong opinions, but I believe every girl should. I am also intense in my opinions, but I think that's a symptom of my trade. **

**Hope you enjoy the rest of the story and do check out those songs. **

**Please leave me a review, I would love to hear your thoughts!**

XXXXXXXXXX

"There you are," Cece said to her husband and son as they took a seat next to her at the rehearsal dinner. "Everything all right?" She asked.

"Sorry we're late mom. You look so pretty," Eli said, faking a smile for his mom, but being very happy to see her all done up, wearing a nice black dress, having on some pretty make-up – she looked so different than the Cece who was spending all this time in bed lately.

"Just on time," Cece said kindly.

"Hi Eli," Kelsey, Eli's cousin, told him as she sat down at the table next to him.

"Hey Kelsey, long-time no see. You look good," Eli said, shocked that the little girl he remembered was now a teenager. Eli wasn't sure that he liked that; and who the hell was the guy who just sat down next to her and handed her that Coke?

"This is Mike, my boyfriend. Mike this is my cousin Eli and his dad Bullfrog," Kelsey said as Eli thought _oh great. _He wished Kelsey had stayed a little girl, because now he figured he had a whole other thing to worry about. Kelsey and her mom were moving back to Toronto after many years of being away, so Eli reasoned it was his duty to watch whoever this 'Mike' kid turned out to be, and what he wanted with sweet Kelsey. She was fourteen. Way too young to have a boyfriend, Eli judged, apparently forgetting that that was the age that he had made things official with Julia after years of pining after her as her best friend.

"Good to meet you man," Mike said to a very unresponsive Eli, much to Cece's amusement, who knew exactly what her son was thinking.

Eli went to the washroom after a few minutes, just to make sure that he looked away, and then he took the elevator back down to the main floor, but his mom's giggles stopped him. Eli didn't know that Cece had headed over to the room where her sister was getting ready, and Eli wanted to say hi, but as he approached the room, the words he was hearing made him lean against the wall and just listen as he looked at his mom and auntie.

Cece was standing behind her sister as Linda was in front of a three panel mirror wearing a beautiful pale blue dress that Cece was just adjusting.

"It fits perfectly," Cece praised her sister. "Everything is so beautiful, although I must warn you my Eli is ready to chop off the head of Kelsey's boyfriend just because of his mere existence," Cece finished with a giggle.

"Eli needn't worry, Mike is a very nice boy. I suspect he's been pining after my Kelsey for a few years now, and one day he could no longer hold it in and he kissed her," Linda said.

_Sure. That's' exactly what he wants you to think – he's a smart one too then, most dangerous kind. _

"And my dress fits me well because unlike _someone_," Linda said, elongating the words, "I have no 'happy surprises' on my wedding day," Linda teased, and Eli frowned. What was she talking about?

"Oh God, I was so petrified daddy would find out," Cece said with a sad smile.

"Mom knew, you know. When Bullfrog casually mentioned that you had moved the date up, when you were all 'no wine at dinner' and when you didn't want to play volleyball with me anymore," Linda said brightly.

"I know mom knew, she could know all she wanted, it was daddy that would have had Bullfrog's head," Cece said with a smile. "God rest his soul," she then added.

"Remember how we had to take your wedding dress out? But no one knew, the timing was just ambiguous enough," Linda said.

"Honeymoon baby," Cece then said with a giggle as she made a "shush" gesture at her sister.

"It just…happened," Cece then said with a shrug. "We didn't really plan for it, it just…happened," she then said, and Eli didn't hear the rest of her words – ones he really needed to in this moment – as he walked away quickly, retreating to the washroom quickly.

He had finally figured it out, he thought.

_This _is why she had been acting this way for so long now.

She didn't want him in the first place – "it just happened" , Eli thought as he felt his body shaking, "it just happened," and now that she had gotten a messed up kid, a broken kid – that's why she was so sad!

She wanted a good kid, a proper, normal kid, not a sick one. She was…embarrassed of him, Eli thought.

When he finally got the courage to head back down to the dining ballroom, he saw a sight that stung.

Bullfrog was dancing with Kelsey, twirling her around as she was giggling incessantly. When Bullfrog lifted her up, she was laughing so loudly that a few people looked their way.

The look of happiness on both Kelsey and Bullfrog's faces took Eli aback, and when they finally made their way to sit back down, Kelsey's elaborate braid had become undone from all of the motion of the dancing. Eli watched as she sat down next to Cece, who began undoing all of her hair and doing it back up properly again. The sight of Cece laughing with Kelsey as she fixed her hair while Bullfrog was chuckling over something with Kelsey's boyfriend took Eli aback more than anything.

From a distance, they looked so…normal.

Just like…a family should be, Eli thought.

_That_ was what his parents wanted, it now hit him.

That was what they had wanted – when they hadn't even really bargained for a kid, that much he knew now too – but instead, they had gotten stuck with him.

A sick, messed-up kid who was always screwing up. An embarrassment.

"Eli, dance with me," he then heard, jolting out of his thoughts. When he turned around, he saw his auntie standing behind him with a cheery smile.

He didn't really have the heart to tell her no, and he was in shock over the thoughts that were going through his mind, so Linda gently took his hand, and giggled as she slipped off her heels before going out to the dance floor. Her smooth blue dress covered her bare feet as she whispered into Eli's ear, "This way you're taller than me, leading gentleman".

Eli was a good dancer, and a good leader, and several people took pictures of Linda and him dancing, because her entire face was lit up at seeing her nephew so much older, and doing as well as she knew he was doing.

"Eli," she said to him as they were dancing slowly, "Do you remember when," she began, being interrupted by a fit of light giggles, "When I lived in Toronto all that time ago when you were about seven or eight, and how you'd always tell me that you were going to be a policeman when you grew up, so that you could protect me?" Linda asked.

Eli didn't understand why she was laughing – nothing was funny about that situation, he thought.

He looked his auntie right in her green eyes as he replied, "Aunt Linda…he'd hurt you. Hit you. I didn't know that back then, it was years before Cece told me, but I could something was wrong," Eli said with a serious look.

"I know, baby boy, I know. But I got away from him, don't worry about that now. I just think it was funny, you were so adorable. And look at you now – all grown up now," Linda praised him. "Got a lucky lady?" she then asked with a smile.

"Nope, super single," Eli said with a smirk.

"Oh, Eli, whatever girl gets you is the luckiest in the world. Nothing bad will ever happen to her on your watch," Linda said with a playful strictness.

"Right," Eli replied sadly, thinking of how wrong his auntie was. There had been no bigger danger to Julia, to Clare, even to Imogen…than him, he figured.

"I mean it, Eli," Linda said, noticing that Eli seemed so far away from her.

"Okay," Eli said, faking a smile. "I'm so happy for you Aunt Linda. I think I like Luke," Eli allowed her. "Mike, on the other hand – you can tell him that I have a shotgun and a shovel. If anything happens to Kelsey, I doubt anyone would miss him. You tell him I said that, it's kind of funny his family is moving to Toronto just as you are," Eli replied.

"Oh, Eli," Linda said with a giggle. "That boy reminds me of you so much, you know. That's why I let him be around my daughter so much. Kelsey is a sweetheart, but she is really impulsive and has awful judgement. I can't be around her always, I try to teach her well, but Mike looks after her so well. He's fearless, courageous, honorable, and…above all else, he'd do anything for her. Sometimes I feel like my daughter is that boy's whole life. There's nothing he wouldn't do to make her happy, so I always tell her to treat him well," Linda confessed to Eli.

"Well…you tell him what I said," Eli repeated, that being as much allowance as he could make for Mike.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh, Eli, and why did you hide that from us?" a heartbroken Cece asked her son after the wedding festivities the next day.

"Because I thought you wouldn't let me help her, and she needed me," Eli defended himself.

"See, that right there – is what concerns me. She doesn't_ need_ you, son," Bullfrog told Eli sternly.

"You don't get to tell me what to do! Dr. Sadler already told you I can handle my own friendships!" Eli burst out.

"Dr. Sadler doesn't know Clare, and she doesn't know the way that girl affects you," Bullfrog told his son sternly. "I could care less if you helped her on the paper, Eli, but the fact that you felt the need to hide it from us says everything. If there was nothing to hide, you wouldn't have lied, and you know it," Bullfrog reproached him.

"You're such a hypocrite, dad," a furious Eli spat. "You know what it's like! You had mom, in high school! You telling me that if mom came to you and asked for help, you'd say no?" Eli said, delivering his ace card.

"Oh Eli," Bullfrog then said, and his heart broke for Eli upon hearing those words. "Don't you see, kiddo? Clare isn't to you what your mom is to me," Bullfrog said gently, giving Eli's shoulder a squeeze before he whispered, "She doesn't want to be, kiddo. And you need to respect that," Bullfrog said.

"You know what?" Eli then screamed, making Cece flinch. "Why don't you and mom just do what you've always wanted and just pretend I don't exist? You can lie to all your friends, tell them Eli moved out or better yet – just tell them you never had me! You never wanted me anyway, and having me was the biggest mistake ever. I bet that's what you think! Ever since we know I'm bipolar, mom won't even look me in the eye!" Eli shouted, his lip trembling. "Face it, you never wanted me!"

"Where on earth are you getting this nonsense from?" Bullfrog said in shock.

"I know, all right? I know! I heard you mom, talking to Aunt Linda about how you never even wanted me! And now that I'm messed up, I bet you regret ever having me!" Eli shot.

When Cece burst out in tears – something Eli had never seen in his entire life except for the time when he was little and both of her parents passed, her dad following her mom just four months after – Eli was so scared.

Nothing scared him more than the sight of his mom in tears.

"No," Cece said as Bullfrog tried to hug her at once, and she shoved him away for the first time in her life, also scaring Bullfrog.

"You think that's why I'm sad?" Cece said, shouting at Eli. "I can't live with myself these days, Eli, and you know why? Because your doctor told me and your father why you were as sick as you were!" Cece shouted as Eli stood in shock.

"She told me she didn't know," Eli gasped.

"Well, she just didn't want to tell you. You were as sick as you were for as long as you were because your dad and I neglected you! She said that had we gotten you help sooner, you never would have gotten that bad! Never, Eli! If I had been a real mother, you never would have had the last year be as awful as it was! It's my fault! Don't you get it? I let you just be like that, and you got worse and worse, and then it took twice as long to pull you out - that's what your doctor said!

What kind of mother sees her son living in hell – what kind of mother stands by as her so even flat out tells her he's living in hell, and does NOTHING? The kind that doesn't even deserve to be a mother," Cece said, sobbing as those words escaped her. "Don't you get it, Eli? It's not that I didn't want you – you should have seen the way your dad's face lit up when I told him I was pregnant, you should have seen how happy I was too – it was all I ever wanted! It's not that I didn't want you – it's that I don't DESERVE you! Your dad and I don't _deserve_ a kid as great as you," Cece said, and she finally collapsed into Bullfrog's arms.

Her words hit Eli like a ton of bricks.

"Mom, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry mom," Eli began saying over and over again as he walked over to her and he and Bullfrog produced a bit of a Cece sandwich.

"Please don't be sad, please don't be sad, you're the best mom ever, please mom, you're the best. I love you, I love you," Eli chanted desperately, really worried about his mom now.

It took them a long time to calm Cece down, but when she finally stopped hiccupping, Eli pulled out the envelope Simpson had given him and he shyly said, "Mom, look, I won that writing competition I entered," and Cece and Bullfrog both smiled brightly at him.

"That's not all you did kiddo," Bullfrog said as he walked out into the living room and flipped through the mail. "This came for you today," he added.

"What is it?" Eli asked as he studied the envelope.

"Your principal called this morning. Told me you won a Centennial Scholarship. It's a renewable scholarship for every year; it covers your entire tuition. Which is amazing, because…your mom and I weren't sure we have enough money to send you to college," Bullfrog admitted, being very ashamed.

"I know," Eli whispered. "Not about the scholarship, but…I know my treatment's been expensive. I know it's not covered by insurance. I thought I wouldn't get to go to college for a few years until I could earn some money," Eli admitted.

"Eli!" Cece gasped. "And why didn't you share those thoughts with us? Not going to college right away is not an option, baby boy. Not when you got in and everything! To that really hard program too! We would have found a way, you know. There's always a way, baby boy. Your dad and I would have just sold one of our cars," Cece said.

"Never. You love your cars, dad. I'd never allow it – they completely define you," Eli said emotionally.

"What a load of bull," Bullfrog so eloquently said, and his wife and son rewarded him with laughter, much to his delight. "Those cars are not what define me. What defines me is…looking after my wife," Bullfrog said as he kissed Cece's forehead, "and…my kid," he finished, giving Eli's shoulder a squeeze.

"But the truth is, sweetheart, both Eli and I have been really worried about you lately," Bullfrog admitted it. "I didn't want to say anything because…I'm ashamed that I can't do my job as a husband and make you feel better. Keep you happy," Bullfrog said, and Eli saw the light film of tears that invaded his eyes.

"I've just felt so guilty," Cece said, "and I was so worried about Eli and college," she added.

"But that's all okay now mom," Eli pleaded, "This paper says that as long as I keep my grades up and stay in a literature or writing program – and mine is both – I can renew it every year," Eli explained, the shock of his large award not even yet registering with him.

"I'm so happy. I'm so proud of you, baby boy. Look at you. National merit scholar," Cece said softly as she pushed Eli's bangs. "No one I know has a better kid than me. In every way possible. You're perfect," Cece said with a smile as she pulled Eli in for a hug and kissed his forehead.

"Perfect. Just the way you are," she whispered to him.

"I'm sorry I kept things from you," Eli then whispered.

"It's okay, kiddo. I get it," Bullfrog then relented. "Never again though, Eli. How is the paper going? Did you manage to save Clare from her bind?" Bullfrog asked.

"We're all done. It's over. Just photocopying left to do, I'm going to go in early and do that Monday morning," Eli said.

"Sounds perfect," Cece praised him.

"So," Bullfrog then remarked, "Can a guy take his girl and kid out to a celebratory dinner or what?" he said as he clapped his hands. "Something special for my girl and kid," he argued.

"I'd like to shower, change and do my hair first," Cece replied, and the fact that she hadn't said that sentence in months was a testament to her surfacing, and both Eli and his dad knew it.

"Women," Bullfrog remarked, as Cece laughed in response, knowing that that meant "Of course".

"Sometimes I feel like I spent half my life waiting on your mother, you that, Eli?" Bullfrog teased Cece with a mischievous smile.

"I know, dad, I know," Eli said with a roll of his eyes, having heard that from his dad playfully many times.

"Hey - it's your job to wait for me," a smiling Cece yelled out to her husband as she ascended the stairs to their bedroom.

"I know, I know," Bullfrog muttered downstairs as Eli smirked at his dad, very much amused.

XXXXXXXXXX

On Monday morning, Clare was standing outside Principal Simpson's office with her mom, who was getting informed on the details of the next PAC meeting.

"So see you at the meeting next week, Mrs. Edwards," Principal Simpson was finishing, just in time for his voice to be drowned out by a morning announcement.

_Congratulations go out to Degrassi's own senior Eli Goldsworthy, who is the newest recipient of the PEN Hemingway award, the most prestigious literary award at the high school level. Congrats Eli!_

"Wow, his parents must be so proud," Helen remarked with a smile.

"Yeah, it's a pretty big deal for Degrassi – we've never had one," Simpson said, "A PEN Hemingway award winner, I mean," he added. "And not only that, Eli also won a full scholarship from the government. Everyone's showering with money because they expect great things from him. I know, I for one, am very curious to see what he decides to do; if a Degrassi alum becomes a bestselling author, it would be such an honor," Simpson thought aloud.

"Indeed," Helen remarked, glancing at her daughter the entire time.

When Helen then said, "Congratulations, Eli," when she saw him make his way through the metal detectors, Clare jolted a little.

"Er- good morning ma'am, hi Clare," Eli said, not expecting to see Mrs. Edwards and Clare in this moment – he was still even a little sleepy from having come in early to do all the newspaper photocopying and folding. He had just stepped out to go the Dot after finishing, but to Helen and Clare it looked like he was just getting to school for the first time.

"For what?" Eli then asked, confused. "Oh, for finishing photocopying and folding the paper?" he asked.

"What?" Clare asked, surprised.

"Um, yeah," Eli said as he rubbed his sleepy eyes. "I wanted to surprise you. I know photocopying and folding is your least favourite part…but I did it. 300 editions ready to go," Eli said with a smirk. "Waiting for you in the newspaper room, boss," he added.

"But we had all of lunch to do that with everyone! It would have gone so much faster with everyone!" Clare said, upset at Eli that he had ruined everything. Now it was over! She had been looking forward to spending that time working with him, and he had taken that opportunity away now!

"Yeah, but like, no offense to anyone on newspaper, but they are kind of unreliable. They all bailed on you in the first place," Eli pointed out, as Clare's cheeks got a pink tint. "I just wanted to get an early start, because it needed to be done, and then it ended up going a lot faster than I anticipated, and now it's done," Eli pointed out as Helen watched her daughter's and Eli's interactions with a thoughtful eye, seeing right through both of their acts.

"And now what are we going to do afterschool?" Clare burst out.

"That's the best part, Simpson said you can order pizza for your staff, boss," Eli said with a smirk. "Throw everyone a party to thank them for all of their hard work," he added.

"Yeah, because they've all helped so much," Clare said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

When she saw that Eli interpreted that as a sign that she was not pleased, and he instantly was overcome by a wave of sadness, she quickly recomposed her expression to one of happiness.

"But, no, yay, that will be so fun," Clare scrambled, because she really was happy that the lunch opportunity still existed.

"Anyway, my congratulations was not even for that, Eli - there was just an announcement about your award, for your story," Helen said.

"Oh God," Eli groaned. "I can't believe they announced that," he said with a wince.

"Your principal also told me you won a scholarship to college," Helen added.

"Um, yeah, I did. I lucked out," Eli said, "and I'm happy because my parents couldn't afford to send me otherwise," he added.

Clare was shocked. Eli wasn't surprised; when one of your parents was a lawyer he judged that worries like money weren't all that prominent.

"Oh," Helen said, looking at Eli sadly. She couldn't help thinking that she was really relieved that Clare would never have to worry about such things; between her earnings and Glen's, Clare would be well taken care of in terms of college, and even beyond. And that was not even including the 50% of Randall's cushy lawyer's salary that legally went to Helen, who put every penny into an account for Clare.

"But how?" Clare burst out, not even realizing the words escaped her.

"My doctor's really expensive," Eli said with a numb shrug. "I was so obsessed with getting better that I didn't even stop to think that it was taking all of parents' money and all of their time," Eli whispered.

"Oh, Eli," Helen sighed. "Doing so well in school is the best present to give your parents. And trust me, there is no better use of a parent's money than to ensure their child is okay," she said.

"I'm gonna pay them back," Eli said, gripping the strap of his backpack in determination.

"I'm sure you will…one day," Helen told him, "When you're a famous author," she said with a wink.

Clare walked with her mom to her car, and Helen could no longer abstain herself.

"You know, Clare…" she started, but then she hesitated and said, "Never mind."

"What? No, tell me," Clare asked her mom.

"I can't help but remember that…when you were with Eli, well…you were writing, you won that award too," Helen said.

"Mom, that story…I just edited it. Eli…Eli wrote it. He just gave me author's credit because…well, I don't know, it just seemed to come natural to him. But…yeah," Clare stumbled.

"Clare…I think it's important for girls to learn how to make a living. It's an unpredictable world out there. You're a very brilliant and hard-working girl. And when you were with Eli…I just don't know," Helen shrugged. "It was like…you were a team. And when he had some remarkable achievements…he made you a part of them too. Like…like a team, you know?" Helen asked as Clare nodded and looked down at the floor.

"Yeah," Helen said softly. "I think…I like that. I like that he did that. I like that when he was celebrating a big achievement…I like that you were a part of it too," she said thoughtfully.

"Anyway, I have to run. Have a good day, honey," Helen said with a smile, knowing that with her daughter, saying this explicitly was never the way to go; she would just resist. Planting a seed in her mind was always better, Helen said, as she watched Clare make her way up the Degrassi steps with a thoughtful look on her face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Eli, can you please come up here?" the boy's English teacher told him as Clare looked up from her work, wondering what this could be about.

She also saw Fiona giving the teacher the evil eye as she watched over Eli in a manner that reminded Clare a lot of the way a mother would look over a child.

Eli walked up to the teacher, coldness over his entire body – he loathed the stunt she had pulled with the Virginia Woolf lesson, and Eli wondered what would happen next with this lady.

"Eli, I want to tell you something," she began. "I was at an English teachers' conference this weekend, and all I heard was…how proud and happy I must be of my boy," she said. "That's what all of these experienced teachers came up to tell me….time and time again…and they meant you, Eli. What an honor, Eli," she sighed, "for me to have such a talented writer in my class, and not even know it. To ignore your requests to do more literature, to ignore your talent as opposed to foster it. I became a teacher to help students, and I have never in my life been more ashamed of anything than the way I treated you. Oh, Eli, it was so embarrassing – I felt like the lowest person on Earth. And about the Virginia Woolf thing," the young teacher said in a shaky voice as the entire class was now staring at her, "I swear Eli, I didn't know," she said, and Eli loved her in that moment for not saying the name of his condition…for just saying "I didn't know". It was perfect, he judged.

"It's okay Miss," Eli said, and Clare's heart ached at how…easily Eli gave forgiveness. It was truly something to be able to do that, Clare now understood, and it seemed to her that she had never realized that about him. So many things, so many features of his that…she never really saw when she was dating him, she realized. She wanted to wonder if she had even looked, but she was afraid she wouldn't like the answer to that question.

"No, that's just it – it's not okay," the young teacher said. "I let you down, Eli, as an educator. And I let myself down as someone who thought she was born for teaching. All those teachers, Eli, they would have loved to have you in their classes, and they would have taken pride in your achievement. I don't deserve their praise," she said sadly, and Eli saw the sadness in her eyes.

Eli's kind heart hated seeing anyone be sad, so he knew some type of response on his part was needed here.

"Now Miss, don't say that. My Miss Dawes always told me I was a really wordy writer – she'd always tell me that was a problem, and I never really got better, ever. But you…you taught me all those rules about speech acts, about syntax…and that helped me. I needed you, or else my story wouldn't have been as good," Eli tried to argue.

"That's so kind of you to say so, Eli," the teacher replied.

"It's true," Eli said.

"Well, you do know the school received some money when you won – money for our English department. I'd like to use it to buy some new novels for the department for the new semester. I called you up to see if you could help me put together a reading list for the class for next semester and then order the books from Amazon," the teacher said with a smile.

"Are you serious?" Eli asked, his joy obvious.

"Of course. You're probably better at picking books out than me," the teacher said with a smile, "and it'll be a nice extracurricular for you – what other grade 12 student can say they helped put together a literature curriculum?" she asked.

"Wow, thank you miss," Eli said with a delighted smirk.

"Of course. Now sit down, mister, the entire class is being disrupted by our conversation," she said, playfully pretending to be strict.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Thank you Clare!" was all that could be heard in the newspaper room as she entered to a room full of applause and cheers.

"We did it! The paper is finally finished!" Clare heard many people who had indeed helped, though had not made nearly as much impact as Eli and her, say over and over again as they guided her towards the opened pizza boxes and pop.

"Thank you to our wonderful editor!" a grade ten girl told her as Clare judged that they all wanted to eat, so she gave the go-ahead while she scanned the room with her eyes.

Where was he? Why was he not here? It felt…so different now, with everyone in here, all the people who normally worked on the paper and others who had helped at her request, like Alli, who Clare had been able to patch things up after Eli's encouragement to do so.

These were all the people who were normally here when Katie was here, Clare thought as she watched them talk and laugh together as they poured each other drinks.

She then saw Connor and KC enter the newsroom, and Connor was carrying an enormous, beautiful bouquet of pink flowers arranged in a see-through vase that had a large pink bow wrapped around it. Clare gasped when she saw the flowers, because right away she knew that they were for her; there were so many different kinds in the arrangement, and they complimented each other perfectly – pink roses, and pink tulips and white carnations that were hidden among white lillies. The vase had a beautiful engraved pattern on it, and the entire bouquet was as wide as Connor's entire upper body.

"For me?" Clare said with a soft gasp, loving to be on the receiving end of such a beautiful, soft, girlish creation.

"For you indeed," KC said as Connor handed over the vase to Clare and she buried her face in the flowers. They had such a beautiful smell.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much! You shouldn't have," Clare said with pink cheeks, brimming with happiness. She found that being appreciated was one of the most pleasurable feelings ever.

Connor knew that a smile was the appropriate thing to return, but Clare's "you shouldn't have" threw him off his game a little – he had not yet mastered the difference between literal and not literal, and the directness and indirectness in politeness strategies, so he strictly and expressionlessly told Clare,

"You're wrong. We should have – Eli Goldsworthy said that the proper social convention for a beautiful girl who has finished a large project is to do something nice for her like get her flowers. He said it was not a choice, and he told the man on the phone that it was also not a choice to have the flowers delivered tomorrow, and then he paid an extra $50 to have them here today for lunch at the party. Eli said it was necessary for us to give you flowers as a gesture of appreciation, and he said it was necessary to have the deluxe bouquet because he said it's the one you'd like best. So we should have," Connor finished as realization flashed across Clare's face at his speech.

"Oh," Clare then said as she held the vase more tightly. "Where is he now?" she asked, hoping that Connor could come up with the right answer.

"He said social convention dictates that his job is done now, and that he has to stay away from you now, because he doesn't want to be suffocating. But I don't understand. He said I had to help on the paper because I was your friend, and he helped on the paper, so he must be your friend too. So how come you can ask for help and he does it but then you don't want to see him again?" Connor asked, honestly wanting to be explained the discrepancy so he could understand.

"Jesus, Connor," Alli then sighed. "Never you mind," she said. "Let's eat everyone," Alli said encouragingly.

But Clare found that she wasn't hungry. She instead grabbed two pieces of pizza on a plate and walked all around the school, scanning the entire grounds for Eli and not finding anything.

When she finally saw him running around the track, she just sat down on the grass in the soft sun and waited for him.

Eli didn't see her, so it was a while before he stopped running, and collapsed onto the grass at the other end of the field from her. Clare walked over there slowly, looking at her feet the entire time.

She saw down next to Eli, but his closed eyes didn't allow him to register her until he heard the noise her uniform skirt made as she sat down in the grass.

Eli quickly took off his hoodie and laid it down on the grass, and Clare gratefully smiled at him and moved to sit on top of it; she didn't like sitting directly in the grass, and she reasoned that Eli must have remembered that.

Clare couldn't help but absorbed by him as she sat down next to him in the grass. He was lying down, and the panting of his body was made much more prominent by the fact that he only had on a white T-shirt and a pair of black running shorts. His whole chest was rising and falling rapidly as his heart kept pounding, exerted from the fast running that Eli had subjected it to.

When he recovered his breathing somewhat, he said, "I do believe you're missing your party, press girl," with a smirk.

"I don't want to celebrate with all of those people," Clare said shyly, a pink blush spreading across her face. "I want to be with you,' she said with a shrug, and those words made it impossible for Eli's heart to find any peace – it only began pounding faster.

"Thank you for those beautiful flowers," Clare said.

"They're from every-" Eli began.

"Is that why you were the only one to pay for them, out of your own pocket?" Clare asked, and Eli knew he had been busted.

"Damn it Connor," Eli said softly.

"Well, in his defense, he really tried," Clare said with a giggle.

"I can imagine," Eli said with a soft smirk. "I just-you can throw them out if you don't want them anymore, knowing I bought them. But think of them as from your staff, and keep them," Eli encouraged her.

"I would never throw them out," Clare said, sadness flooding her tone. "I love them," she said, and Eli's heart found that it rather liked those words.

"They must have been so expensive," Clare then whispered.

"Nah," Eli said, "I loved being able to buy you such pretty flowers from my story money," he admitted. "Glad you liked them. I only wish I could have been there to see…were you surprised?" Eli asked, no longer being able to control himself.

"Well, why weren't you there?" Clare asked, her tone desperate.

"Clare…you don't have to say it, I get it. My job is done, I know. I'll stay away, okay? I get it," Eli said, and Clare noticed that his eyes were red and shiny as he got out those words.

"You and I can't be friends?" she pleaded.

"No," Eli responded categorically.

"And why not?" Clare begged.

When Eli looked up at the sky as he was lying down in the grass and said, "You already know why," Clare was pretty sure that she could actually _feel _her heart breaking into a million pieces.

"Maybe we could try," she pushed as she narrowly looked over at Eli.

"Yeah – because I took it oh-so-well when I thought you were dating Liam," Eli said sarcastically. "Clare…I can't be your BFF, there's just no way. What am I supposed to do when you do get a boyfriend? We both know it's going to happen sooner rather than later, too. Am I supposed to gush over him with you and hear all about what you do and don't do with him on dates? Watch him…touch you? Kiss you? I almost lost my mind – or better yet, I _did_ lose my mind when I saw the way you'd kiss Jake. I have learned how to cope with many things – but I can't be around you and watch you be with other guys. Every time they'd lay a touch on you, all I'd want to do is punch them until they see stars," Eli said, surprising even himself with his honesty.

Clare didn't know how to respond to Eli's words. She knew that…he was right. But she wasn't ready to face everything that his words implied.

"So that's it? We go back to being strangers again?" she asked.

"Clare, you and I both know that is what you want. You've been waiting for a long time for us to go our separate ways, and now I can finally make that happen for you," Eli told her. "I can give you what you want," he said, still panting from his run and now also feeling like he couldn't breathe.

The sight of Eli lying down in the grass, all sweaty and panting was doing things to Clare that were actually making it hard for her to focus on his words.

"Clare, can I ask you something before we part ways though?" Eli asked, turning over on his side to face her.

"Okay," Clare said reluctantly.

"Before I get out of your life for good…I….Clare," Eli stumbled, and it was obvious that he was trying so hard to find the right words. "Sweetheart," he said so quietly, in a whisper, the word escaping him before he could control it, "I need to know that you're okay. I have to. I'm involved now….I need to know that you're okay, with family. I can't imagine it's easy living with Jake, even though you two seem okay when I see you at school," Eli said, and his words broke Clare's heart. He wanted to make sure she was okay, she thought with an emotional exhale – that's all he cared about.

"I am okay, Eli. I really mean that. I mean, it sucks that it didn't work out with Jake, and it sucks that in terms of getting over it-" Clare said, lying down in the grass now as well, and looking up at the sky.

"You're allowed, you know. Of course it's hard to get over him. He was your first love," Eli said, and Clare actually felt winded to hear Eli say those words. It was true that she had only said "I love you" to Jake in her life – he was the only one who had heard that from her indeed, but something about the way Eli looked so heartbroken as he was putting Clare first and attempting to comfort her…it hurt Clare.

"What?" she whispered.

"Unless you told KC…" Eli trailed off, wanting to burst into tears at the thought that even KC-

"No," Clare said as she shook her curls. "I didn't," she added.

"Right," Eli then said in a raspy voice, "So…Jake was your first love. Your first love is special, everyone knows that. It's one you don't forget," he finished.

"Eli…with Imogen…did you…do you," Clare asked softly.

"I love her like a sister, and…I worry about her. She's so trusting and she'd do anything for others. I worry that one day she'll meet a guy who will realize that and take advantage of her," Eli confessed.

"You're looking out for her," Clare finished.

"I owe her. Imogen was on my side even when I was wrong; even when I didn't know her name," Eli said sadly.

"What do you mean?" Clare asked, confused.

"She sort of…um…kept an eye on me even since I came to Degrassi, it turns out, but she never talked to me," Eli said, and Clare felt a potent jealousy course through her veins.

"You mean she had her beady eye on you when we were dating?" Clare spat.

"It wasn't like that. She just…I don't know," Eli shrugged. For the first time, Clare thought about something. She thought about how she…had had Eli. Eli had been hers, and only now did she realize the possibility of other girls wanting him. Of being jealous of her while she was with him. Only now did she think when it came to boyfriends…Eli really was a prize. Would this happen again? Would there be other girls who would put the moves on him because, yes, it was true, he made a very desirable boyfriend? Clare couldn't help but think of all of his recent success and get a mental image of an adult, bestselling author Eli being overwhelmed by…fangirls, all vying for his attention.

"What happened? With Imogen I mean?" Clare asked.

"We were just crushing on each other, nothing more. And Imogen is a girl who is used to fixing things. She fixed her home life once her mom walked away. Her dad lost his sight, and she bailed, saying some crap about how she couldn't be expected to be a caretaker, a nurse. I imagine that's why Imogen tried so hard with me, you know," Eli said painfully.

Clare was tormented by those words as she squirmed in the grass.

"I never knew that," she said quietly.

"Well, we all have our skeletons in our closet. Truth is, Imogen treated me with much more kindness than I ever deserved for the things I put her through. You, out of everyone, would understand that best, because you had to put up with me too," Eli said quietly.

"I need to know if you're okay," Eli then repeated, and Clare knew that of course he wouldn't let her off the hook that easily.

"I have so many people that care about me at home, I realized, you know," Clare replied.

"I need to know…I need to know about Jake's dad, the guy who lives with you. I have lasted this long because I know what a great mom you have, and how she looks out for you. But I can't anymore. So I need to know about Jake's dad. Please…tell me that he's respectful. Tell me that…that he never lays a hand on you. That he never touches you. Tell me that…that he never enters your room," Eli said, and when she saw his hands shaking, she was scared for Eli.

"Eli…what on Earth would make you think of such a thing?" Clare said, sensing that she was missing something here.

"Eli, answer me," she said sternly.

"Just…please tell me, I need to hear you say it," Eli pleaded.

"Tell me what's going on," Clare ordered.

"I…I know stepparents, Clare," Eli said in a horrified whisper as he closed his eyes, and Clare instantly thought of one line that she had cast aside as soon as Eli had said it many months ago. "_Julia….she…she had a lot of problems with her stepmom…"_

Clare then gasped in horror and shakily said, "But…she had a stepmom, Eli, not a stepdad…you don't mean…"

Clare saw Eli's shut eyelids move nervously as he said, "Her stepmom had a brother…who was…younger…about 20 at the time. He…had drug problems; in and out of rehab, and one night he slept over at Julia's house," Eli said as he hid his shaking hands from Clare's view.

"Her dad wasn't like your mom. Her dad never looked out for her," Eli said, wincing and clutching the grass tightly.

"Oh God, no," Clare let out in horror.

"Bullfrog stopped it," Eli said, his voice broken. "She called me because that monster kept touching her legs under the table at dinner…so she called me after. Bullfrog and I went over right away, and her dad had left her alone in the house with that guy while he went to the movies with her step mom. She had locked herself in her room, and when Bullfrog broke the door, that guy was calling her name through the door, picking the lock. I have never seen my dad as angry as I did that night. He broke that guy's arm, told him he was lucky he did not just kill him right then and there, and had him arrested. He tried talking to Julia's dad, but that jerk said that she was making the whole thing up just to get attention. The guy was released after a few months, and he had a restraining order taken out against Bullfrog, so my dad ended up being seen as the bad guy in all of this. With her real mom being dead – she died giving birth to Julia – the only safe option for her was foster care. You and I both know what happens to kids in foster care. So Bullfrog said it was settled before we even knew what he meant. She came to stay with us," Eli finished.

"Did that guy…hurt her?" Clare asked as she felt her hands trembling.

"No. But he would have. Had we been half a minute later, he would have," Eli said, opening his eyes and sitting up, hiding his face in his knees.

"So I know I sound crazy, but…tell me about Jake's dad, the truth, Clare," Eli pleaded.

"Our only real interaction consists of him treating me like a four-year old, trying to discipline me," Clare said angrily.

"What? Why doesn't he get that step parents' only job is to be there to help their step children? That's IT, that's all they do. It is not their place to discipline. Jake's dad only has one job, one job, and he can't even get it right?" Eli asked, anger in his voice.

"No, it's not like that. It was just the one time. He basically just stays out of my way, and whenever I ask him to build me anything, he always does. He built me these amazing bookshelves the other day, and I didn't even ask. My entire room and all of my stuff works to perfection because Glen either fixes it or rebuilds it. I guess that's the only way he knows how to try," Clare said, finally acknowledging it.

"Eli look at me," Clare ordered, and Eli did as he was asked. "He's a good man. I'm not in any danger," Clare said and Eli's exhale was so large that she could actually feel it on her face.

"That's good, that's really really good," Eli said softly. "I'm sorry I acted like that with Fitz. I'm sorry I scared you Clare," Eli said.

"You've already apologized to me, Eli, it's okay," Clare reminded him.

"I just…I was so afraid he'd hurt you. When I came into your house, he looked one step away from grabbing you…I'm sorry I lost it. I'm sorry I couldn't get my act together in those few days that you wanted to give me. You gave me a chance to figure my stuff out – I had some time, but….I couldn't. I ended up scaring you even worse in the end. I wish so badly I would have just figured out all my crap in those few days you wanted to give me," Eli said, and he turned his eyes away from the sky to meet Clare's striking blue eyes. He was crying, Clare saw.

Eli's words broke her heart. Looking at him lying in the grass, struggling to breathe at times when things got to be too difficult for him, talking about that awful ultimatum she had given him; Clare's heart ached…it had taken him a year to make the huge strides that he had. And here he was, hating himself because he had not tried to heal, all on his own of course, in three days. Clare wondered if Eli would _ever_ stop torturing himself, if he would ever stop punishing himself…because it was clear as day that Eli felt like he had failed her miserably. But Clare realized that…she had failed him too, and until this moment that thought had never even crossed her mind.

Hearing about Julia…and everything that Eli had had to deal with…it just made Clare's heart ache for him. She also couldn't help but think back to Eli's behaviour around Fitz and feel that…it was so similar; the strange people in houses when Eli wasn't there, the worry, the danger…Clare couldn't help but wish that she had been more understanding of Eli.

He was probably scared to death, she realized, and it killed that she hadn't realized it earlier. Underneath that "keep a look out" exterior, Eli had been paralyzed with fear and resolved to do whatever it takes to not let anything happen to her.

Thinking back to how she had responded, Clare thought that she now looked like a monster.

"Eli….I have one question that you need to answer for me too, you know," Clare then said as she moved his hoodie right next to his body so she could be closer to him as she lay in the grass next to him, having no idea that her and Eli had witnesses to this conversation, witnesses who were watching in extreme confusion.

"Anything you need, Clare," Eli said lovingly.

"I need to know…why you saw forever with me. This is…important to me," Clare told him.

"Clare, I…it's hard to talk about that," Eli whispered.

"Eli…I need to know. For myself. It's something I've thought about lately, and I…need to know," Clare pleaded, flashing Eli a perfectly wounded look that he never could resist.

"I feel so silly talking about it now…after everything," Eli admitted, and Clare was witness to the very rare Eli deep blush.

"Please…Eli, I'm trying to figure some things…with me. Just trying to think about things, and this is one of them that is really important to me," Clare said.

She just had to know. She had to know why out of all the boys she had been with, Eli was the only one who had not taken off running as fast as humanly possible at that word. And what's more, he initiated the use of it. Clare was trying to grapple with larger questions about life and love, and she felt like she just needed this answered. And no one could answer it but Eli. And knowing that he would do whatever she asked for, she just had to ask him.

"Okay, I'll tell you, of course," Eli said softly, as the undetected witnesses all paid particular attention to Eli's next words.

"You want…you want to know….why…why I saw forever with you," Eli whispered as he ran his fingers through his hair and Clare turned on her side so she could look him in the eye as he looked up at the sky, still panting a little.

Eli was careful with how to phrase the sentence, as verb tenses were dangerous territory. It didn't take him long to figure it out.

"Clare, I don't know," he said with a shrug. "When you love someone, you want to be with them forever. You don't want to miss a single little thing. You want them to be the first person you come to with good news and the first person you come to with bad news as well. You want them to be right there. You want to see who they are when you're not looking. Love is forever, it even says it in that little book you like so much that I read for my auntie's wedding. It says in there it never ends, but…there was something else for me, not just that. That made me unafraid to say forever with you," Eli softly said, his voice gentle and patient.

"What was it?" Clare asked curiously.

"It was actually really important for me to say that I wanted forever with you. I had a lot of time to think about things before I said it, you know. I know that it might have looked like I was just saying it because I was desperate, but I had actually been thinking about it a long time. And it was important to me to let you know that I wanted forever because of….family," Eli said.

"Family?" Clare repeated softly.

"Clare, I…watched you struggle with some really difficult things. Your entire life's foundation, everything you believed in – it all crumbled with your parents' divorce. What I wanted more than anything was to put you in like a cocoon of safety where no one could hurt you or upset you or make you suffer – ever. But I couldn't do that for you.

So all I felt that I could do was give you back everything that was taken away from you by others. People and circumstances you had no control over. I hated it - I just _hated _that they were making you doubt everything that you believed in, and I thought that if they weren't giving you the stability and love that you needed….that maybe my forever would. I wasn't just saying it to make you feel better, I fully meant to. I fully intended to deliver on my promise, because I wanted it is so bad; the forever with you.

But…I had the chance to watch you over the years and I see how important family is to you. Your mom, your dad, your home, your sister who I know you don't get to see as much as you want to, and now Jake too, and maybe Jake's dad, they're your whole world. Your mom and dad were your whole world when we dated – they were the ones you relied on the most and I understood that.

But the way I was raised, there's your kin and then there's everybody else. I didn't want to be just one of everybody else. I just wanted to be that to you – family. That's all. That's why I wanted forever. I wasn't looking to make you commit to things at an inappropriate time – when I went to see your mom with Bullfrog about taking you on that trip, she thought I had come to propose for crying out loud, for a minute anyway," Eli said with a smirk as Clare couldn't help but giggle. Eli loved that sound.

"No, I never wanted to force you into stuff that was not appropriate for our ages. I'm not an idiot; I know a guy doesn't have the right to ask a girl to marry him until he can comfortably provide for both of them. I'm not saying I want a girl to lock up as my Holly housewife, but I think Bullfrog's right….he's the one who told me that about how you only get to ask the girl you love to marry you when you can provide for her. Though in light of new information, I think my dad personally had to speed things up a bit when he asked my mom, actually.

But that's not important, I agree with Bullfrog. Until you can't provide for your girl you don't ask. I just…not everything in my life has worked out. And I didn't want to disappoint you. I felt like everyone else had, and I would rather die first than not be what you needed. I wanted to be what you needed, I wanted to make sure that you'd never be left disappointed, abandoned, hurt or scared. And then what do I do? Leave you _exactly_ like that," Eli said, the most painful of all thoughts collapsing on him with a sob.

"Oh, Eli," Clare whispered painfully.

"I guess… I liked taking care of you, Clare. It made me feel like…that's what I was supposed to be doing, you know? It made me feel…worthy of you, and I could just easily see making that the priority of my life. Make it…what defined me," Eli said, his eyes stinging with tears as he remembered what Bullfrog had identified as the things that defined him.

"And I liked it so much that I wanted to do it forever. That I could see myself doing it until my dying day," Eli said as he exhaled loudly, and Clare knew that he was done. He had reached his limit; the red face, the heaving chest; the tears; he had exhausted himself trying to give her the explanation that she wanted, but he couldn't do anymore.

"So stupid, right?" he then laughed bitterly, surprising Clare.

"No, Eli. It's not stupid. It's…beautiful," Clare told him shakily.

"It's…naïve. I know now forever doesn't exist. Turns out I was just kidding myself. Forever is only what comes between hello and goodbye," Eli said sadly.

Clare felt as if she had been hit by a cannonball.

"Eli, no," she pleaded.

"Come on, Clare, be realistic. Of course it exists for you. You're gonna find some lucky guy who will give you everything you've ever wanted – and you'll be happy, and…Clare, you will make _such_ a good mother one day," Eli said softly, his words piercing Clare's heart and ripping it to shreds.

"But we both know it's not in the cards for me," Eli then said as he looked up at the sky.

"Why not?" Clare asked desperately.

"I'm not…forever material. No girl's gonna wanna be with this forever. Imogen tried so hard with me and even she couldn't take me after a while," Eli said.

"Don't say that, don't say that you're not forever material, it's not true," Clare all but begged Eli as she shook his arm.

"It is, and it's time I stop denying reality. I gotta prepare myself for a life like…well, actually I look at Imogen's blind dad…and I see so much of me in there…me in the future…I can see it so clearly," Eli said, voicing his innermost thoughts.

Clare wondered if Eli identified so much with Imogen's dad because his wife had left him, saying she didn't want to be a caretaker or a nurse.

"He's gotten really good at taking care of everything he needs, he's carved out a life for himself. But then I look at him and I realize I'll never have what he's got…because he's got Imogen. He has a daughter who loves him. I'd never make it that far. To get to have a kid. And I think…I think maybe someday I'd like to have a kid. I think I could make a good dad. I've had the best dad in the world, there really would be no excuses. But no one's gonna give a kid to a crazy guy with no family…not prime adoption material," Eli said. "See, now I really do sound crazy. Ignore me, just running away with my messed up thoughts," Eli then added quietly.

"Eli?" Clare asked, and he turned his vision away from the sky and he looked at her.

"You'd make a wonderful dad, you know," Clare told him, the most reassuring thing she could have said in that moment.

"Please tell me you don't mean that – about how you don't think you were right about forever," Clare begged.

"I don't believe in it anymore. In forever," Eli said with tearful eyes as he looked at Clare.

"Clare, I think that's enough now," both Eli and the girl heard, making them both startle.

"Mom? Glen? JAKE?" Clare then said, turning around in shock to see them standing by the stairs that led to the track.

"How long have you been standing there?" she asked as Eli wanted to crawl into the ground and die. Just his luck. He reasoned that must be Jake's dad – who had listened to him ask Clare if he was a child molester, pretty much. _Awesome, _Eli judged, hoping he wouldn't come out of this with a black eye courtesy of a very pissed off Glen.

"A damn long time," Jake said under his breath.

"Clare, we have to go now, we promised grandma, remember? She hasn't seen Jake in such a long time, she wants to get to know him," Helen said.

"Jake, you have to go get my flowers from the newspaper room," Clare said.

"Huh?" Jake asked in confusion.

"Just go get them!" Clare snapped.

"As you wish, princess," Jake said, teasing Clare like he always did at home.

"I have to go," she said to Eli, apologetically.

"It's okay, go," Eli replied, and a few minutes later, Jake surfaced out of the school, and as much as he tried to contain himself, Glen couldn't subside the few chuckles that escaped him at the sight of Jake carrying the most girly bouquet of flowers known to man. Some of the flowers tickled Jake's face as he mumbled a series of "damn you Clare and your stupid flowers" under his breath.

Helen, Glen, and Jake had walked to the parking lot already when Clare turned around and told them, "Wait for me, I just have to do something," and Helen turned around to see her run at full speed and launch herself right into Eli's arms.

"I ruined you, oh God, I ruined you, I ruined you," Clare said to Eli as she hugged him tightly and ran her fingers through his hair.

"All guys run from forever like it's the plague, and here you are," Clare said with teary eyes, "the only one who wants it, and I ruin it! Oh God, Eli, it's worse than like…drowning a puppy! I killed the most beautiful thing there can be in a boy! I ruined it!" she said as Eli slowly returned her hug.

"No, no, you didn't," Eli said softly as he held her tightly.

"Tell me you believe it then! Tell me!" Clare yelled.

"I believe it. I believe in forever," Eli replied.

"Don't you dare lie to me," Clare told him.

"I'm not. I…want to lie to myself and say I don't believe in it anymore, but you and I both know that I still do. But before I was so sure of it, now I am just more doubtful that it'll ever happen to me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I upset you. I still believe in it," Eli said sweetly.

"Okay. Don't stop believing it! Don't you stop it!" Clare told him forcefully.

"I promise," Eli said as he squeezed her tightly one last time, knowing it would be time to let go soon.

He then watched her run back over to her mom, who flashed Eli a sad smile.

Inside Glen's truck, all was quiet until Jake looked right at Clare and said,

"So, Clare. Who the hell is Fitz and why was he in your house one step away from grabbing you?"

Before Clare could even answer, Helen gave her a strict,

"Answer the question, Clare Diana Edwards. Before I lose my mind over your safety too," she finished.

That night, a horrified Helen and Jake heard all about Fitz, and it was then Clare's turn to be horrified as Helen called Randall, who called a Supreme Court Justice – the highest legal authority in Canada – who checked legal and police records for a Mark Fitzgerald at their request. That night, Clare learned that by contacting her and Eli, Fitz had breached the terms of his release, and that since then, he had committed more offences, and was now in jail for ten years after being tried as an adult for the death of another young boy as a result of a knife fight.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Knock. Knock. _

_What? No one knocks on my door, what the hell?_ Clare thought to herself a few hours later, after a warm bath and a delicious dinner from Helen after all of the Fitz drama had blown over.

"Clare? It's Glen," she then heard. Oh. Well that made sense. He never even got close to her room before, he would knock.

"Come in," she said, as she was sitting cross legged on her bed, leaning against its headboard.

The minute Glen entered Clare's girly room, he felt awkward at once.

"It's okay Glen," Clare then said, sensing his discomfort. "Pull up my desk chair and sit there," she said, knowing that she needed to spell things out for him.

"I just wanted to give you this," Glen said, still a little awkward as he held a little rectangular box wrapped in that yellow house construction paper and taped with electrical tape that Glen was always using.

"Sorry I didn't wrap it better," Glen said, blushing deeply as he felt as if he was looking at his concoction of a package for the first time, and it looked so…ugly.

"I love it," Clare gently told him. "But…why did you get me a present?" Clare asked, confused. She was getting flowers and presents today, and she wasn't sure that she deserved either.

"I just…Clare…you and I got off on the wrong foot I feel. And listening to that boy talk about what a stepfather should do…he was right. I only want to help you Clare. I want so badly for you to like me, and I'll never try to replace your dad," Glen said, and Clare was shocked to see him…emotional.

"Glen, it's okay," she said gently.

"Just…let me get this out," Glen said, fully determined to finish the job that he had set out to do.

"I'm really sorry I yelled at you that one time. I wasn't trying to discipline you, I swear. I know it's not my place. I'm just so protective of your mom, I'm her husband, it's my job," Glen said, and Clare looked up at him even more intensely when he heard him say those words as if they were the most logical thing on earth.

"I want to be someone you can come to when you need something. Now I know I'm not what a teenage girl needs, but…Clare…I can build things, and I can make sure you're safe if someone is being mean or is bullying you I can tell them where they should do, and…I have money, too, Clare, if you ever need anything you can come to me and ask, I can at least do that for you," Glen said, and Clare felt a little guilty for some of the harsher things she had said to Glen in the past.

"Now please open your present," Glen said, holding it out to her.

Clare didn't know what words to say, and she knew Glen wasn't big on words, so she just did as he asked, and her jaw almost hit the floor upon seeing what Glen had gotten her. It was exactly what she wanted.

"An iPhone," she gasped, and she surprised Glen by jumping off of her bed and giving him a hug for the very first time.

Jake had stopped him a long time ago, and to have sweet, cheerful Clare hug him…it made Glen feel so happy, like he had been finally…accepted. He thought that he would have bought Clare 10 iPhones earlier if he knew this was the reaction she would have had.

"I was at the subway station just now when I went to talk to that client, you know my truck is in the shop, and your darling stepbrother had two beers with dinner so driving was not an option, and your mom was just so tired that I just decided to take the subway. And as I was sitting down, it was the darnest thing – every kid your age, and I mean like, all of them, were glued to those things, typing away. Now I don't get what it is with you kids these days and those things, but I know you lost yours and using your old flip phone must not be very much fun, not when everyone has one of these shiny things," Glen said, still a little emotional over the fact that Clare has given him a hug!

"I wanted one for so long now, to replace my other one," Clare shyly admitted, her cheeks a very girlish pink hue.

"Honey, you should have told me, I would have bought you one right away! I just had no clue. Clare…with Jake, I've been with him his whole life. And he's a boy, I know what he needs. But I have no idea what I can provide for a teenage girl," Glen said. "But…like…I have a credit card, I heard teenage girls are pretty good with those," Glen said with a wink.

"I don't want to take your money," Clare replied.

"Clare…it's _our_ money. What's mine is yours, and I like being able to make you happy. I want…I want you to like me. I don't want you to hate me," Glen said, and Clare was shocked to hear his voice break when he said "I don't want you to hate me".

"I could never hate you," she said sweetly. "You take care of mom. So I could never hate you," Clare said, having thought long and hard for the past two hours about Eli's 'forever' conversation.

"Can I tell you one more thing?" Glen asked, figuring he'd take his chances since for once, everything was going so well with Clare for him.

"Sure," Clare replied.

"That boy Eli…I just wanted to say that…I think he loves you," Glen said. "I don't mean likes you, I mean loves you. And if you love him too, then don't make things complicated," Glen advised.

"Don't do what your mom and I did," he then whispered.

"What?" Clare asked, having been curious about this for a long time now.

"Your mom and I lost 18 years that we could have had together because of one time that we quarrelled. I don't even remember what it was about to be honest, and neither does she. Something about my brother coming to visit, but it's not important," Glen said.

"What happened?" Clare pressed on.

"We quarrelled and she wouldn't forgive me. She only told me just now that she wanted to, but she was too stubborn. I couldn't wait around forever. I met Jake's mom and your mom met Randall. But all I can think of is…what if, we never had that fight. Life's too short to wonder what if, Clare. Don't make the same mistake your mom and I did. That boy's got a good head on his shoulders. Not sure you can do better than that, but you sure could do a lot worse," Glen advised. "He likes you, you like him – so don't make things more complicated than they need to be," Glen said as Clare gave him one more hug, much to his surprise.

"Thank you," she whispered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You gonna be okay all by your lonesome self, Eli?" Imogen asked her best friend as she basked in the glow of the beautiful frostival that her and Fiona had orchestrated.

"If my heart ever recovers from the attack you just gave it," Eli teased Imogen.

"Oh please – you just wish you had been there to see the kiss," Imogen said with a smirk in his direction.

"Damn right I do," Eli said, elongating each word. "You owe me so many details it's not even funny, I can't even believe this," Eli said.

"Okay, seriously, though, you okay with this? It's not like… I don't want you to think that all that time that I spent with Fiona while we were trying things out was...I mean, it's your two close friends, and we dated, and now me and Fiona, and she set us up, so I just…"Imogen said, confused and embarrassed.

"Woah, woah, Imo, I don't think any such things. It's my two amazing friends, finding happiness with each other. Who cares if you're not even sure what nonclamenture to use? Look at you – just look at you. You're gorgeous, and you're radiating happiness. I'm not sure I've ever seen you this happy. I'm so glad, Imo, so glad," Eli said to his friend.

"Well good, because if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna need you in my corner," Imogen said.

"And that's where I'll always be," Eli vowed to her.

"I feel bad leaving you alone," Imogen said outloud.

"I'll be fine," Eli said.

"Adam's not even here, you're all alone," Imogen fretted.

"Adam had his last physio appointment, and I don't mind being by myself, you know that. You go on the Ferris wheel with Fi. Lesson number one, grasshopper: you don't ever leave your girl waiting on you," Eli said playfully.

"Why, thanks for the advice Obi Wan Kenobi," Imogen teased as she rubbed her hands together.

"You cold? Need a jacket?" Eli offered.

"I have one silly," Imogen said.

"But you can have mine too if you're cold," Eli replied.

"Easy now Casanova, I'm taken," Imogen giggled before she ran off to join Fiona.

Eli then looked after Imogen and shook his head, thinking he never would have seen this coming. He only hoped it would lead to good things, and he made a promise to himself to be there for both of his friends as they tried this out.

He then walked around the frostival, feeling more at peace with himself than he had in a long time.

The newspaper was done, the semester was almost over, he had gotten into college, he had even been published again.

So then why did he still feel this horrible emptiness in his heart? Why did he feel like…not everything was completed?

"You have to talk to him! He was like your knight in shining armour with the paper, and he's not crazy anymore!" Eli then heard, widening his eyes right away at the words. He recognized that high pitched, mile-a-minute voice at once. He saw Alli shoving Clare every which way as the girls were walking together, and he retreated behind a stand for a minute.

And then walked right back out.

He was done with hiding from taking action.

He was done with the self-doubt.

He just couldn't do it anymore.

Screw it, Eli thought. I've survived worst, he told himself. I can survive whatever comes out of tonight too. But I have to know.

"Clare?" he then asked after walking in her direction.

She had to turn to face him, and she looked so adorable with her little hat and cotton candy that Eli felt his heart aching for her right away.

"E-Eli," Clare said in surprise as Alli widened her eyes and flashed Eli a grin.

"I have to go….find Dave," she said slowly, giving Clare's arm a little pinch as a form of "Just tell him already".

"Hi," Clare then said to Eli shyly after Alli had left.

"Hi. So, er-um, do you like Frostival?" Eli asked the girl he loved.

"It's beautiful. So magical. I feel like anything can happen tonight," Clare said with a smile.

It was all the encouragement Eli needed.

"Clare, I… I had one more thing to ask you yesterday, and I'm hoping I can do it now," he dove right in.

"What is it?" Clare said, giving him a follow-up nod when she sensed that Eli needed it.

"I'm just…I'm just gonna say this, okay? Just…let me get this out…I just have to tell you all of it first and then you can tell me yes or no, whatever you wish. I just need you to be honest with me when you do so, please. Clare…you know I can't just be your friend. I can't sit around and watch you date guy after guy and listen to what you did with them the night before. I just can't.

Don't you see? Clare….don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't just be your friend. I can't…I can't watch you from a distance while you're dating other guys. This past week, I've felt things that I promised myself I would never let myself feel around you. You, Clare, are the love of my life…and I can't leave without just getting an answer. I have to know. I can't leave you tonight without knowing. But…Clare….you're…you're constantly leaving me. You walk away from this," Eli said, gesturing between them. "whenever you want, you come back when you want. And…you don't do this with everyone.

With anyone, really. You don't do this with your friends, you don't do this with Jake. You don't do it with any of them. Only me. You only leave me. But…this week something happened, and we both know it. Don't you tell me I'm crazy and that I'm the only one who saw it and felt it, because that's not right - or fair - and we both know it. We both know it, Clare! Everyone expects it. But you're always leaving me, and I'm okay with you leaving and walking away tonight - I've learned how to deal, so don't let fear make or break your call. I'll be fine. All I need is an answer. I love you, Clare, but you walk away when you want, you come back when you want - and you only do this to me. So I'm asking you, if you don't see a future for us…if you're not in this as more than friends…please…please just end everything, right now. Please just end it, because I can't - the ball is in your court, Clare. But I'm in it - I'm in it - I'm all in, Clare. I can be a better man for you, I know I can. I will fight so hard to always make you happy. But just…if that's not what you want, please just end this. Please put me out of my misery," Eli finished with red eyes.

It took a long time for her to speak; it took a long time for her to just stop looking so shocked.

But Eli never expected her to do what she did next.

Her facial expression was unreadable, uninterpretable as she slowly placed one foot in front of the other until she was just centimetres away from Eli, and she then flashed him a coy smile for just a second before reaching up, placing one of her hands at the back of his hand and the other on his chest. She felt Eli inhale, but she stole that breath from him with a gentle kiss, placing her lips on his and pulling him in with her arms when he was unresponsive.

"Eli," she then gasped, giggling as his arms quickly wrapped around her as awareness invaded Eli's entire body like a lightning bolt.

"You kissed me," Eli said, stunned, while Clare's lips were just millimetres away from him.

"I sure did," Clare giggled, "And I'd like the favour returned," she teased, as Eli smirked at her. He lunged at her only to have her pull back with many giggles.

"You're mean," Eli then whispered to her; being torturously teased was the last thing he needed right now.

"Your little speech was quite exquisite there, you award winning writer you, but it lacked one thing," Clare said as she placed a finger on his lips in order to prevent him getting what he wanted until she wanted it to be so.

Eli shook his head at her, showing how confused he was, until realization dawned across his face.

"I love you," he told Clare, looking her directly in the eyes. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he whispered as he squeezed her gently and he moved his lips to her ear to add, "But I'm dying here, let me kiss you, I'm dying," he all but pleaded.

With one final giggle, Clare found his lips, and this time, Eli's eagerness completely overwhelmed her.

Clare had forgotten what it felt like to be kissed by Eli. She had forgotten it completely, and she wondered how she ever could have. God, the way he kissed her. It almost made her head spin, the way he managed to be so intense and gentle at the same time. His scent was overwhelming her too, and the way his hands moved to her waist in order to safely support her made her wonder if Eli had detected the weakness in her knees that his kiss was causing. Something told her he had.

They were both gasping and whispering "I love yous" throughout the kiss, but the sensation that Clare was experiencing truly began to make her dizzy as she felt body practically melt into Eli's. The sensation inside her grew warmer and spread out from her chest, down through her body, out along her arms and legs, to the tips of her being. But instead of satisfying her, Eli's kiss had the contrary effect – it only made her want greater, so she did not let him end the kiss for a long time, until she felt that if they did not stop, she really would faint from the dizzying feel.

"Wow," Clare said with a soft moan as she pulled away.

"Wow is right," Eli said with a smug smirk as he rested Clare's head on his chest and guided her to a bench. He was very pleased when she opted to sit on his lap instead of on the bench, and he loved the way she towered over him a little this way, running her hand through his hair every now and then as they stole many more kisses and just repeated their desperate "I love yous".

"Eli," Clare then softly moaned as she placed both of her hands on his chest. "It wasn't him," she said.

"What do you mean?" Eli asked as Clare giggled as she wiped away the pink lip-gloss that had transferred onto Eli's lips.

"My first love – the one that is special and one that I won't ever forget – it wasn't Jake. Not even close. I was stupid to even think that, not to mention say it," Clare said, her voice full of confidence.

Eli just stayed silent for a minute.

Clare then ran her fingers through his hair before she kissed Eli's cartilage, being able to feel the spot where his piercing was still detectable.

"It was you, silly. Not Jake. Not KC. Only you. It _is_ you, Eli. My first love is you. And…I want you to be the _only _one. Eli, I just want to be the only girl you love all your life, and you'll be the only man I love all of my life. I want to have…all of my firsts with you. You are my first and only love," Clare told him, knowing that Eli had earned this commitment from her.

"Clare," he said gently, "I don't need…a big gesture. I just want to be able to kiss you whenever I want and to hold your hand. That's all I want, sweetheart," Eli told her honestly. "Not to mention…there's gonna be constant battles with me, there's gonna be…many rough waters. Are you even ready to have a bipolar boyfriend?" Eli asked, hating that question, but knowing that it was very necessary.

"You're not a bipolar boyfriend. You're Eli. _My_ Eli, and nothing else. And…I think I needed to lose you for a little bit in order to realize what I had in the first place. Who cares if there will be rough waters, Eli? How is that different than any other relationship? Alli and Dave….her boyfriend…Eli, Dave is going to hell and back right now, and Ali is treading those waters with him. You and I can do it too, even if we take some falls. We can sail our own vessel," Clare said, interlocking her fingers with Eli and placing a sweet kiss upon his lips.

"You seem mighty sure, Edwards, but…it's hard, I'm a handful," Eli said with hesitant eyes.

"Well, so am I," Clare said with a giggle. "All I know is that I love you, you love me, and that we shouldn't make things so complicated. We should be together. We belong together, even my mom can see it, Eli," Clare said as she snuggled into his chest.

"Hold up, your mom said that?" Eli asked.

"Only in about a million different ways. But this relationship is about you and me. No one else. No one else gets a say. I love you and you love me. I never want to lose you again, I don't think I could take it, Eli," Clare said, her voice breaking.

"You won't, sweetheart," Eli vowed to her.

"Eli, tell me what you want from me," Clare said softly.

"I want you…to…want me to be the one to hold your hand. I don't want anything that you don't want, Clare," Eli told her meaningfully.

"Well, do you know what I want?" she asked him cheekily.

"What's that?" Eli asked with a smug smirk.

"I want you to be my best friend. I want you to…." Clare said, and she had to pause and swallow her pride, but she knew that Eli needed this, and she judged that he had given up so much for her that she could do this bit of compromising for him, so she added, "I want you to…protect me, but only if it means that the person who protects you is me," she said. "I love you, and there's one more thing I want. And you know what that is," Clare said as she raised their interlocked right hands and kissed Eli's fingers.

"I promise we'll work toward it," Eli said as he returned the kiss he had just received, opting to place it on Clare's lips instead. Before pulling away, he whispered "I promise we'll work toward…forever," right against his lips.

"I love you," Clare replied right before reaching up to place a shy, bashful kiss on his lips.

"You're it for me, Eli. This right here…this is it," Clare then whispered as she curled up into his embrace. "This is all I've ever wanted. Say it again," she asked.

"I give you my word. I promise we'll work toward forever, and I will spend my entire life working so that we can be happy and so that you can have everything you've ever wanted," Eli said, nothing but ambition in his voice.

"Me too, Eli. Me too," Clare confirmed as she gave his hand a squeeze and rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes and letting her happiness wash over completely. As she heard the elevated rhythm of Eli's heart and felt its beats against her own body, she knew that he was doing the same.


End file.
